How can you tell when a man carries a lot of baggage?

[Hayden10]

so I'm being punitive because I am asking for my money back? ok

[IndiReloaded]

so I'm being punitive because I am asking for my money back? ok

Yes. Your motive was to remind him he owes you money b/c he turned down your suggestion to go away.

I was kind of mad today and wrote him a message

Anyway, you are probably done. You have offended his pride and men hate that. He'll pay you back and probably never want to see you again except mbe sleep w/you first as revenge. Sounds like he's not the only one with baggage.

[Hayden10]

Anyway, you are probably done. You have offended his pride and men hate that. He'll pay you back and probably never want to see you again except mbe sleep w/you first as revenge. Sounds like he's not the only one with baggage.

I doubt that he would actually sleep with me to get even, idk he's that type of guy. Thanks for ending your statement so nicely. Sounds like me in a few years, if I don't get rid of my baggage.

[IndiReloaded]

Anyway, you are probably done. You have offended his pride and men hate that. He'll pay you back and probably never want to see you again except mbe sleep w/you first as revenge. Sounds like he's not the only one with baggage.

I doubt that he would actually sleep with me to get even, idk he's that type of guy. Thanks for ending your statement so nicely. Sounds like me in a few years, if I don't get rid of my baggage.

Yes, you should. You are also welcome for the reply. Good luck.

[sadie_genie]

When he feels the need to play games such as playing hot and cold.

[Hayden10]

When he feels the need to play games such as playing hot and cold.

See that's thing that I cannot wrap my head around, boys playing games. If you do not like me enough to spend time with me then why play around? And this is what makes me angry. But anyways we will see each other this weekend, so in case we are amongst friends and drinking and he does make an advance, should I:

1.) Refute it and don't say much to him after that
or
2.) Call him out on what he is doing (trying to play with me) and then refute it? (this is probably what I usually do)

[IndiReloaded]

Sorry, your post makes no sense. Refute what? Anyway, your answer is simple. A guy with a lot of baggage will make the klaxons sound at the airport check-in.

[vashti]

When he feels the need to play games such as playing hot and cold.

See that's thing that I cannot wrap my head around, boys playing games. If you do not like me enough to spend time with me then why play around? And this is what makes me angry. But anyways we will see each other this weekend, so in case we are amongst friends and drinking and he does make an advance, should I:

1.) Refute it and don't say much to him after that
or
2.) Call him out on what he is doing (trying to play with me) and then refute it? (this is probably what I usually do)

Seriously? why don't you just calm down and not try to force a weekend away when he isn't interested in one? Why does everything have to happen on YOUR timetable? Maybe he likes to move slowly. Do you even CARE what he wants, or is this all about you?

I seriouslythink you should calm down to avoid making a scene.

[Hayden10]

I asked a question either answer it or not. Simple enough.

[Hayden10]

angry trolling ain't good for ya.

Yes, I do care what he wants, but I just want to avoid a situation where I end up as the fall girl. Like first he wants to go away, then he doesn't, but then when he has no one else to hang out with, then he'll call. And BTW many men do not wait for a girl's timeline, but simply go for it when they need someone.

[vashti]

Yes, I do care what he wants, but I just want to avoid a situation where I end up as the fall girl..

What do you mean "fall girl"? Maybe he isn't interested in you romantically, but doesn't mind being your friend? Is that impossible to imagine?

In any case, if you don't want to hang out with him, then just say "no thanks, I have plans". Why do you need to "call him out on it" or ignore him like a pissy child? Can you not imagine how your making a scene would make the rest of your mutual friends feel awkward?

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you, anyway?

[Hayden10]

I am 25. Of course we can be friends but the only problem is that we have already been intimate. So if he does not want anything with me romantically then we cannot be 'involved' in any other ways. I guess we didn't take things slowly and now it's 'well I really don't want a girlfriend...blah, blah, blah.' This is what I mean by being the fall back girl.

[vashti]

Ahh, now I see why your reaction seemed so extreme. The fact that you've had sex with him explains why your feelings are so hurt.

I still think you should just be polite, but decline invitations for 1:1 activities. It sounds like you are interested in having a relationship, and he wants a f*ck buddy. Next time, you should probably wait to be intimate until you have determined that the guy wants the same sort of relationship that you want.

And BTW - I wouldn't consider him your "friend". Friends don't have sex together.

[Hayden10]

I am glad that we are on the same page now. I know that I should have waited but it just happened. Even after we got intimate I thought that we could still be friends and do things 'as friends' only. I was not trying to force trips on him ,I just told him what I was doing and where I was going with friends and that he was more than welcome to join us. So since he wasn't interested I politely sent him a message a couple of days later telling him that he owns me some money whenever he gets paid. I wanted to make it clear to him, in case he got any other ideas.

And I will not make a scene but next time he tries anything with me, I will just firmly turn him down. He will try eventually, so I feel that I need to be firm the first time. That's it.

Thanks for the advice

[Hayden10]

We talked last night and we made things o.k. we are on the same page and I am very happy that I did this. No advances from him. Glad I can move on. Communication really is the key.