Friend her or avoid her?

[Endlessagony]

You should forget her and move on, it's a lost cause. Take the advice offered in this thread, any approaches towards her right now will have the opposite effect of what you're hoping for. Occupy yourself with other activities and if you can try to date some other girls, if you do this she MIGHT see you in a different light. Just make sure you avoid contact from this point on.

[ksmit]

You should forget her and move on, it's a lost cause. Take the advice offered in this thread, any approaches towards her right now will have the opposite effect of what you're hoping for. Occupy yourself with other activities and if you can try to date some other girls, if you do this she MIGHT see you in a different light. Just make sure you avoid contact from this point on.

I agree. Can someone explain why a simple goddamn email is that bad though? I want to see some reasoning.

[Endlessagony]

I agree. Can someone explain why a simple goddamn email is that bad though? I want to see some reasoning.

Well it's a form of contact isn't it? I don't think there's really anything you can achieve with that right now, in the end you'll just cause more grief to yourself. You can't use reasoning to make her like you, it just doesn't work. Focus your mind and energy on bettering yourself instead and show her you're not dependant of her in any way. Honestly though I think you have botched it so moving on is really the best thing.

[ksmit]

Well it's a form of contact isn't it? I don't think there's really anything you can achieve with that right now, in the end you'll just cause more grief to yourself. You can't use reasoning to make her like you, it just doesn't work. Focus your mind and energy on bettering yourself instead and show her you're not dependant of her in any way. Honestly though I think you have botched it so moving on is really the best thing.

I know I botched it. I only want to make her more comfortable so she's more comfortable.

[ksmit]

**** Okay, I have an interesting update for you guys ****

Couple days ago I had to walk by her desk so I just said "hey" while kept walking. Anyhow, she stopped me and insisted going on telling me about this great drink she made at home and offered to make me one the following day. I say ok whatever, I'll try it. After she went on about how she was even going to put it into a special cup for me and everything I jokingly said I feel like I have to pay for it. She responded that my enjoyment would be enough payment for her witha weird shy mannerism. She couldn't look at me when she said that.

Next day she claims she didn't have time to make it but offered me a plethora of other options she had with her. Various drinks, fruits, etc. She said if I don't want any of those she would drive home at lunch time just for me to make one!

WTF is this girl thinking? She miss my attention? Starting to feel more attracted because she's not getting chased anymore? I don't look too deeply into meaning anymore, but I'm just really curious as to why she would be behaving in this desperate manner to please me. It really doesn't make sense.

If she wanted to start talking to me again, why not shoot a simple email saying "hi"? She's went cold turkey on me about a month ago so this seems strange being so out of the blue.

Just want to emphasize how much fire she is playing with by being this way. She's been avoiding me like the plague for the past month. If she wants to be friends again, why can't she just say hi? Why go these lengths?

[bpem]

**** Okay, I have an interesting update for you guys ****
I don't look too deeply into meaning anymore.

**** Okay, I have an interesting update for you guys ****
If she wants to be friends again, why can't she just say hi? Why go these lengths?

Well obviously you're still looking too deeply into it. If you really want to chase someone away completely, keep going at it.
Honestly, you're overthinking everything and obviously making things completely awkward.

[ksmit]

I've been completely ignoring her for the past few weeks. What do you mean "keep going at it"? She's the one initiating with me now. As a matter of fact, she went out of her way to visit me today just to talk which was shocking because that's extremely rare for her to do. She's going great lengths to please me right now and I'm just hoping another female can relate to what she's feeling to help explain why she's acting this way.

Look, if a guy confessed to liking you (after 4 dates) and started hanging around you frequently to a point where you started ignoring and avoiding him, what would switch in your mind weeks later that would make you want to please him so desperately out of the blue? If she wanted to start communicating again, why not keep it to a simple email saying "hi"? Showering me with gifts and visiting me at my desk just seems extreme and I don't think I'm crazy.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Try asking her out again. If it doesn't work, tell her to only approach you about things relating to work, unless she wants to try dating.

[surfhb]

I've been completely ignoring her for the past few weeks. What do you mean "keep going at it"? She's the one initiating with me now. As a matter of fact, she went out of her way to visit me today just to talk which was shocking because that's extremely rare for her to do. She's going great lengths to please me right now and I'm just hoping another female can relate to what she's feeling to help explain why she's acting this way.

Look, if a guy confessed to liking you (after 4 dates) and started hanging around you frequently to a point where you started ignoring and avoiding him, what would switch in your mind weeks later that would make you want to please him so desperately out of the blue? If she wanted to start communicating again, why not keep it to a simple email saying "hi"? Showering me with gifts and visiting me at my desk just seems extreme and I don't think I'm crazy.

There's a reason it's called The Game of Love. You need to understand it's a push pull approach you need to take. Give her a little room one day then give her all the romantic attention in the world .

And for god sakes....kiss the girl already! Your a confident man! Women want guys who take control.

Its doesnt matter that she approached you.....You're being predictable and boring. Stop it and keep her on her toes. Don't tell her you like her....that's boring. Make out with her in your back seat. Step it up bro!

[ksmit]

There's a reason it's called The Game of Love. You need to understand it's a push pull approach you need to take. Give her a little room one day then give her all the romantic attention in the world .

And for god sakes....kiss the girl already! Your a confident man! Women want guys who take control.

Its doesnt matter that she approached you.....You're being predictable and boring. Stop it and keep her on her toes. Don't tell her you like her....that's boring. Make out with her in your back seat. Step it up bro!

Did you read my first post too? I scared her away a few weeks ago to a point where she avoided contact with me at all costs. In other words, PURSUING her is what sent everything to shit in the first place. Perhaps I should do it less emotional and be stronger. Like someone else said, she might just be waiting to see some fire from me because I'll admit I'm very cautious and "safe" around her.

[toshiba]

I find a good "make a move, first kiss" sort of date is Chinese food and a movie (on couch). But ask her out like you are going to do it anyway. "Hey, I am getting Chinese food and a movie, want to join?", this is usually a solid second date plan for me and has worked numerous times.

You sit close next to each other on the couch, ask if she is warm enough, feel her hand, if it's cold warm it up with your hands. Have some chips... put one in your mouth and lean into her in a funny/joking way for her to take it and see her reaction to the move. If she is wearing earrings ask her about them, good excuse to get close, gently move hair covering her ear lean in maybe kiss her cheek, move down her jaw to her mouth. These are just examples that worked for me in the past, sounds simple, but is nerve-racking, keep in mind you are far better trying and getting denied than not trying at all. Don't go to sleep thinking "I should have".

It is the first girl I ever dated and I have still yet to even kiss a girl.

Hey dude, I was 20 when I had my first kiss, and first date. I think it took about 8 dates until I had the courage to go in for the goodnight kiss, it was the quickest peck on the lips ever, haha.

[surfhb]

Did you read my first post too? I scared her away a few weeks ago to a point where she avoided contact with me at all costs. In other words, PURSUING her is what sent everything to shit in the first place. Perhaps I should do it less emotional and be stronger. Like someone else said, she might just be waiting to see some fire from me because I'll admit I'm very cautious and "safe" around her.

You completely missed the point ! Lol! Girls like to be pursued genius! It's how you do it is your issue You don't understand the term push/pull? Ignore her for now....then in a couple of weeks ask her out. Btw....you should be doing asking out other girls too. It's an amazing feeling to have several girls asking for your time.

[ksmit]

Great replies toshiba and surfhb.

You're right, I need to use more push/pull. Guess I wasn't really aware of the concept. But like I said, until a few months ago I've not only had zero dating experience, but little experience with women in general. I think surfhb is right on. Her giving me a couple days of attention after ignoring me for so long is not enough for me to start pursuing her again. She's going to have to try harder than that... Dating multiple girls is a great idea, if only it were easier to approach women in public.

It's just bugging me that if she only wanted to be friends, why is she going so overboard trying to please me out of the blue like this? Can any women here relate to this mindset? It makes absolutely no sense to me. If I was getting chased by a girl I knew was interested in me, but I wasn't interested in her, I would be very careful not to lead her on. Not only would it be inconsiderate to lead her on, but it would only lead to more awkwardness when she started hanging around me.

[MynameisJesus]

Anyone else agree with this guy? I want her badly and trying to find any way to win her over again. Is giving up really the best option?

I was like you and I have done the exact same things you have done.
Your original post summarizes the exact same scenarios I have been in.
Dating, not making your move, and before you know it she is completely uninterested.
And then if you text her she ignores you or comes up with "let's just be friends"

You really have to kick this bad habit. So have I. You probably lost this girl already.
She picked up on your anxiety and she has classified you as a friend.

I believe that any behavior is the result of the consequence of that behavior.
Just like I did, you probably believe that being caring and interested leads to success. Because that is what all these women communicate to us with their mouths.
However, reality is completely different and if you go through these exact situations 3 more times, concluding that caring leads to failure, you will stop caring.
It becomes natural

Flee and they will follow, follow and they will flee

[MynameisJesus]

Now that's a good response. Thanks for that. What I wanted to know from others is if they agree with SAYING this to her: "I'm not interested in anything but dating so don't contact me unless you change your mind." Could that really spark attraction? Is it really not okay to just be friends? She's still a sweet and wonderful girl.

It still seems silly to me that we both went cold turkey on each other after being good friends for so long. Why let a little awkwardness ruin an otherwise good friendship?

What I've been doing is stopping by maybe once a week to say hi to her on occasion like everything is cool. Kind of like a little touch-base 2 minute conversation to prove I have composure and comfortable with how things are.

If you are honest with yourself, you know that being friends is not what you want.
You just said you were anxious when there was tension. Are you sure that proclaiming to be her friend isn't just an excuse to still be around her and hoping to make your move later?
Because that's how it sounds to me

Here's what's going to happen if you become "friends". She will start complaining about other guys, about how they don't care and how they are such dickheads.
After a while, she will have this dickhead as a boyfriend and you will feel crappy about it. Because that was your intention and listening to her friend talk is a pain in the a$$
She'll start having girltalks with you 24/7 because you are "friends" and you can never get closure for your feelings.
And when you do admit your true intentions later, she will be confused because you said you were friends.

I find it very hard to be friends with an attractive woman. Therefore I never try it any longer