Our situation is a little complicated. I live in Denmark and he is from the USA. The only way for us to be together in a stable condition, is to get married and apply for an immigration visa. Currently immigration laws favor our unison in the USA, so that is the plan.
The problem is that my future husband doesn’t believe in marriage at all. In fact he thinks it is stupid. I, on the other hand, feel that it is something very beautiful when two people have the courage to promise each other a lifetime together. It is, in essence, a promise that none of us can rightfully make, and so it is basically the ultimate declaration of good intension. In other words, it means a great deal to me. In truth, though, I wouldn’t mind not getting married at all. But in this case that would be the same as ending the relationship. We can’t keep seeing each other only 3-or-so times a year during vacation time. There isn’t really any way around it.
In many cases people have to simply accept that they disagree on something and move on, but I guess I feel like this isn’t so easy to let fly. In his view, the ideal way for us to get the marriage out of the way would be to just go to the clerk’s office and sign the papers. For me, the most important thing is to make it a happy occasion. I don’t care much for a traditional church wedding, I just want it to be something nice to think back on, and a good reason for future celebration. I have suggested that we get an Elvis ceremony in Las Vegas and spend a few nights in a nice hotel, and he has agreed to that. Now, he assures me that he will have a good time in Vegas, and he even says that he is excited about it, but whenever we are discussing (arguing about) the various aspects that we have to get settled, he clearly lets me know that he basically doesn’t give a rats ass about it, and that he’s only doing it to make me happy.
But I’m not. I guess I should be happy that he is willing to comply with my wishes, but it is hard for me to find the happiness that was after all what I wanted most. I have asked him what would make HIM happy, but there doesn’t seem to be a happy solution for him out there. And I can’t really find it in myself to pretend that that doesn’t mean anything. I can’t bring myself to not care that he thinks it is ridiculous. I keep pouring my emotions into it, and I keep getting hurt about the things he says.
So… Here I am, getting married. And I don’t even look forward to it. That is the worst part! I don’t want to do it like this. I don’t want to give him a promise he doesn’t care to receive. I feel stupid.
I have been thinking that maybe we should just go sign those papers and be done with it. At least I won’t be fooling myself then. But I only plan to get married once, and I really want it to be at least worth a celebration.
Please help me find some happiness in this situation. I feel so lost in this.
~ The Bride