Still not over someone. Opinions?

[Soomie]

I just need to talk about something. Last december I went through a tough breakup. I literally cried everyday for two months and I barely ate for a month and a half. It was that bad, and I was that upset. I really cared about him. At first, I thought that it was just another typical breakup, and that I would get over and forget about him in time, even though it was worse than other breakups I had had in the past.

Well, here it is 10 months later, and I'm definitely over not being in a relationship with him, but I'm still sad. I miss him terribly. He started dating someone new back in June, six months after we broke up, and I also tried out a new relationship around the same time. I was tired of thinking about him, and it had been six months, so I figured I might as well date other people as well. Plus, I had known this guy for a while, we were good friends, and I did like him. Even when I was in that relationship I thought of the ex, not so much in a romantic sense, but in a "I wonder what so and so is up to and if he's happy" kind of way.

Well, it's that time of year that we dated last year, and I'm feeling sadder than ever. I've thought about him every day since the first day that I met him, even though I haven't seen him in 10 months as well, and I love him unconditionally. I'm happy, because he seems to be happy with his new girlfriend. Granted, he doesn't seem AS happy as when he was with me. I'm not saying that in a vain or jealous way, either. He just doesn't have that spark in the way that he speaks. It was a special thing that we had. Anyway, I'm happy that he's happy, but sometimes I wish it was with me. Oh, well.

Sometimes I just wish I knew if he misses me as much as I miss him. I would be ok if I just know, because I would say "you know, we both miss each other, we love each other and we always will, but it will never work out between us, and we know this."

I just, miss talking to him and being friends with him too. He doesn't talk to me like he used to, and maybe that's because it does bother him. I think that he doesn't talk to me, because he CAN'T talk to me the way he used to, and he probably doesn't talk to me like he used to because he knows that it will never work out, so there's no point in pursuing it. I don't know.

I just needed to say this and get it off of my chest. Maybe you don't get over people that you truly care about. Maybe you just learn to live without them. Opinions?

[Keating1000]

It sounds like a horrible story

What were the reasons you split up? Did you break up with him, or was it the other way around?

Keep your chin up and maybe things will work out between you too. He doesnt talk to you like normal because you have a lot of history?

Give him space, give yourself space and find some new outlets on your life.

Good luck
x

[nicolepatty2]

cheer up girl!
Life must go on!

[nicolepatty2]

What"s the reason why you broke up with him?

[nicolepatty2]

There are lot of guys out there who is better than him.

[nicolepatty2]

learn to forget for you to be able to move on..

[nicolepatty2]

prove to him that you are better than he's new girlfriend.

[nicolepatty2]

maybe he's not the right one for you.

[Kaius]

To be honest, it will take a long time to get over him. If he had that much of an impact, I would say it will take a couple of years.
It would make things easier to date other people casually. Dont do a rebound thing over and over. Just meet new people,
hang out, have fun, and dont be too serious. Dont have sex randomly because that would just be self-destructive.
Just date.... like have fun going out with a nice dude.....movies...dinner....travel...etc. You'll know when you are over him,
at which time you will be ready for a new relationship. Just try to enjoy your independence and freedom for now.

[castle]

I've been doing the NC thing for 4 months. He contacted me a few times the first two months, and I responded nicely. But now it's been two more months of NC either way. I desperately want to contact him but I don't. I think about him constantly every day. I miss him

[castle]

I've been doing the NC thing for 4 months. He contacted me a few times the first two months, and I responded nicely. But now it's been two more months of NC either way. I desperately want to contact him but I don't. I think about him constantly every day. I miss him so much. But I know he's in a relationship now and seems happy. I still pray that relationship goes sour and he comes back to me. I wish it was easy to get over someone, but it's not.

[Keating1000]

Well you havent really answered our questions?

Was it you who ended the relationship, or was it him?

If it was you, why did you end it? You've certainly shot yourself in the foot considering you still have all these feelings?

If it was him, then that's a totally different story.

Anyway, I'm happy that he's happy

You certainly don't sound happy. But you must remember he has a new relationship now. If you truly cared about him and wanted the best for him you'd wish him every luck with his new relationship.You never know, things might go sour for him. But do you really want sloppy seconds with him? Only in very rare chances does it work out properly the second time. I know it might be an incredible pain for you, and you miss him dearly; but like I mentioned in my first post you need to find some more outlets in your life. Maybe join a sports team? Maybe arrange a weekly outing with your group of friends?

Most of all, remember that "Time heals all wounds". You will feel better as the months go by. You might just need to label him as the one that got away and cast your metaphorical line back into the sea.

Hope this helps, keep us updated

x

[Soomie]

I responded to your question the a day or two ago, but I guess it didn't post. Basically, my parents never liked him and they kept putting a hardship on our relationship and trying to break us apart. Last December he got accepted to a college in another state. He broke up with me a month before leaving. His reasons were that he didn't think that it was fair to me to suffer through a long distance relationship when he wouldn't be there for my birthday or valentine's day, and because he didn't like the idea of causing turmoil in my family. He broke down and got really upset the night that he broke up with me, and he wouldn't talk to me for a month and a half after he broke up with me. He said it would just be better on both of us if we didn't talk for a while because he wanted to remain friends with me if he couldn't do anything else, and that if we continued to talk it would only make it harder to do so. So, that's what we did. Now, he barely talks to me. I send him a message on chat and talk with him for a few minutes every month or so, but he doesn't have much to say to me these days. I do care about him dearly, and I've been thinking about his new relationship. I want it to work out well for him. I haven't met her, but she seems like a good girl, and he deserves the best. Just seeing him happy makes me happy. I feel like I've become used to caring for him and loving him even if he isn't with me, because isn't that how real love is supposed to be? Sometimes I miss him, and sometimes I miss the old times we had together, but I think that's expected. I often wonder if we ever got the chance to get back together in the future, if I would. I don't know. Sometimes I think that things are too broken to put back together, and that I should just enjoy the memories I have of us.

He told me when he broke up that he "wasn't saying never (as in we'll never date or try something out again), and that if it's meant to be, it will be. The rest is beyond our control."

[MaidenMinx]

I am quite contentedly married and I still randomly wonder about exes. Not everyday, but comparisons still come up every now and then. I wonder what people are up to and if they ever did the things they wanted to do. It's the curse of having exes and is rather normal and inevitable. Just don't let it override everything you do. Avoid dwelling. Just let the thoughts come and go.

[jonnest]

this is exactly what she did to me. we broke up 3 days before christmas and it ruined everything. she broke up with me by a text. she could done it better by telling me in person. years passed i still can't get over it. i think it is so unfair how i truly give it all to her then she left. btw she found someone else by the end of june. and i'm glad she's happy thats all that really matters to me.