This is an email my boyfriend sent me? What does it mean?

[Lostgirl88]

Honestly this is the kind of stuff that makes guys feel like it isn't
worth being in a relationship or at least the very least makes them not
feel proud of the relationship he is in. *In other words, no guy wants
to have a girlfriend at the expense of his own livelihood or at the
expense of who he is. *I would hope girls feel the same way, but from my
own experience and from seeing other people's relationships, I really
think the girl is proud of the relationship merely because it exists. *I
think the girl's focus is solely on having the relationship, so they
don't care at what personal cost it takes as much (bear in mind this is
a relative expression). *In other words, girls can rationalize being in
a crappy relationship, because at the end of the day they can still say
they are in a relationship and "have someone." *Meanwhile, a guy can try
to use the relationship as a fallback for the state of his life, but if
he feels like he is being held back from whom he is or what he wants to
do, he's just stops liking the person he's in a relationship with and
more or less quits... basically he loses pride in that relationship.
And when it comes to men, pride is essentially the number one aspect of
life they want to procure... *Pride in themselves, pride in their work,
pride in their favorite teams, and whether girls think so or not, pride
in their significant others.



Now the point I'm making is not that in a relationship girls need to
just listen to guys and give them the satisfaction of maintaining their
"manness" or every guy will just quit on you. *However, I am making the
point that while girls don't find it a very big deal to completely
rearrange their life to accommodate a relationship, guys totally think
it is! *Guys think that the perfect relationship is one where you don't
have to rearrange your life in order for the relationship to be
successful. A guy thinks the perfect relationship is one where two
people's lives can be intertwined without any major overlaps - two
people who are complementary to each other; they take pride in the
unconditional/mutual respect the two have for each other. *In contrast,
a girl thinks the perfect relationship is one where two people will stop
at nothing to keep two people intertwined no matter what; they take
pride in the "no quit" attitude that they usually exhibit in a committed
relationship. *Both are noble goals one seeks in a relationship (guys
want harmony; girls want perseverance), but at the end of the day,
harmony is what drives perseverance. *In other words, you can't expect
to achieve harmony simply by persevering, you have to work on harmony
first. *Once that is established, nothing can stand in the way of that
kind of relationship.

[smackie9]

He means too many girls "settle" just to have a relationship, and because they don't want to be alone. They are willing to sacfice their own idividuality, dreams and goals in order to keep a relationship instead of acknowledging that they are short changing themselves and shouldn't be in that relationship. Guys do feel unsafisfied and empty with a girl that does this and in turn the guy wants out. There is a lack of purpose, compatability, and true worth in the relationship and he feels time is being wasted with someone who is in it, only to exist and say that they are in a relationship. In his heart he feels there is no further growth, no progression, no future.

[Lostgirl88]

Thanks for your insight... wouldn't you think he would just leave if he was that unhappy though?

[smackie9]

He also might be saying that you don't enhance his life, he doesn't feel supported, doesn't feel there is compatability. That there is conflict possibly between you two because of the type of activites he does, or interests he is into, or when he wants his space. He is looking for a relationship that is a true partnership, that has compermise, and being on the same page..........no stress, just easy going, fun, substance, fuflilment.

[smackie9]

He is scared to leave you....really doesn't want to see you hurt like most guys, so this may be his way of softening the blow.

It looks like he is trying to explain his reason before whe does.....best to call him out on it.