Love I never had

[hatsoff001]

This is a complicated situation, and I know I should move on, but I don’t know…

I met her and we became best friends quickly. I asked her out, and we went on a date. After the date, she told me she just got out of a relationship and wants to take things slow. So I slowed down a little bit, and we remained best friends.
A few months down the road, she gets back with her ex. I should’ve moved on then, but I really liked her, and she wanted to still be friends. So we did. We both flirted with each other (something she would deny at the time but admit to later). Months go by and I tell her how I feel. This is when I realize I truly love her. She says she feels the same way, and that if only she had the courage to break up with her boyfriend, we would be perfect together. She didn’t.

We remained friends for another year, and she remained in her rocky relationship. She started liking this one guy in her class, and asked me to help her get him. Guess this should’ve been hint one. I helped for a while, but when it became obvious that this bothered me, she stopped. We hooked up a few times intermittently, she stayed at my place a weekend, etc.
Few months later, she goes on a long trip, away from both me and her boyfriend. She was in another country, so her cell phone didn’t work. We decided to send letters (cheesy, I know). I send her letters, and try to remain platonic in them. Hers, though, were not. “I can’t stop thinking about you, no one else”, “I now realize who is the most important in my life”, calling me sweetheart, dear, etc. I think things are going great. One thing, though. Her boyfriend goes to pick her up at the airport and stays a few days. She falls for him again.

A month later, she finally ends it with her ex. She tells me “I have never been attracted to you as I am now”. We go out. She gets sad from time to time about her breakup, but more or less things are great. We date for a few months, nothing serious, but nothing to dismiss either.

Then she meets this guy. No big deal, she hangs with him a few times, I didn’t think twice about it. Then out of the blue she tells me that she would take a break because she’s not ready. I reluctantly agree. A few days go by without a text. I’m dying missing her, so I text her. In those few days, she completely lost all feelings for me, and has started liking this guy, and then in the same breath says “You would make the best boyfriend and husband…I just wish we had a chance..”.
This is where I’m at now. I know I should move on, but the way she acted when we were together, she wasn’t faking that. I know her very well, and I know when she’s real or not. Those smiles, those feelings, they were real.

What do I do?

[hatsoff001]

By the way, the title of this thread, "Love I never had" was a phrase she used to describe me in a poem she wrote for me months ago, back around the time she said that if she broke up with her boyfriend, we would be perfect. Little stuff like that makes it tough to accept that she doesn't like me anymore..

[hatsoff001]

I hate to shamelessly bump, but I need advice. It feels like it's not getting easier...

She still wants to be friends. And I know I should refuse, but I don't. And we hang out, and I can tell some feelings start to come back on both sides. Nothing is ever said, but I can feel it. What do I do?

[steviej]

You are the 'grass is greener'.

By that, you're mr. Nice guy, paying her lots of attention, always being there for her etc. When she is with others who aren't treating her like that, she thinks of you and how nice you are etc
Yet when she eventually stops stringing you along and starts seeing you, she gets bored. She doesn't want mr. Nice guy, she likes the drama that she gets with other guys.

This girl is totally manipulating you, maybe she isn't even aware of it, but you are her doormat that she treads all over, wipes her feet on, but then just throws you a few crumbs to keep you interested.

Ignore her, start hanging around with your mates seperate from her, chat to other girls. She'll come running when she suddenly can't have you on a leesh.

Up to you whether you start the cycle again with her or you have the mental strength to do whats best in the long run and bin her off.

[Dune]

You may be right.. Those feelings of hers may be real. But one key thing that you're forgetting. This girl you're talking about, her "feelings" fly about, go on wild fantasies, comes back home.. Or not, and zig-zags and does a corkscrew etc.. Get the point?

She falls in and out way too easily, and well, just from that, you can tell that it's gonna be hard trying to sustain a long term relationship with her (I assume that's what you want). But for the sake of your emotional well-being, I suggest you stay away from her. She's not sure of her feelings that much is certain. One day she loves you forever and the next, she doesn't know where things are going? NOT what you want in a relationship right?

[Skylite]

First off sooo sorry that your dealing with such a situation... I know this type of girl, my bestfriend is this girl, so believe me when I tell ya nothing good can come from this. I've watched her play with guys emotions like they were toys but didn't realize how badly she hurt them. This type of woman comes back to whats familiar in her life, where things are safe and you my friend are safe. This is hard for me to say, but it needs to be said... She never thought that you were her one an only, her perfect match. If this was the case why keep searching for something if you already have it. She keeps searching because she hasn't found anyone that she wants a future with yet.