Angy and Confused

[jamesfed]

I'm 35, only had two real relationships, both long term 8-9 yrs. First one cheated, but we have a child. The second bowed to her families pressure that I was not rich/handsome enough.

Anyhow, I have been out of the serious dating game for about 3 years, I have met people, but I have never met anyone that made me want to be anything more than friends.

A friend of mine insisted we try Internet dating and after some not so fun times with other people, I met a girl.

I was just browsing, saw her picture and I was smitten so to speak.

We started talking, she stated on her profile she wanted to be friends, and build into a long term relationship.

Perfect I thought.

We start talking, she is a year out of a bad relationship, and it turns out thought she would never be happy again and destined to be alone.

She was basically just cruising through life, hooking up when she was horny, but not considering that she would ever meet anyone.

Our conversations are good, she starts saying how her heart is melting, and she never thought she would feel like this again.

She starts planning us doing stuff together etc, she demands phone sex almost every night, claiming I do something to her that no guy ever did, even her long term boyfriend.

She tells me how amazing I make her feel and she wishes I was with her at nights, etc the whole nine yards.

We meet, I tell her that I am not looking for a one night stand, and we fool around, but no sex.

We talk the next day, she takes something she thought I said as a personal insult and ignores me for a week.

She then says she realizes she is not ready for a relationship, and how she is better off alone, and she will live her life by herself.

I go back on the dating site to delete my profile and see that she has been online that week. I don't contact her.

She contacts me saying she wants to be friends, and then starts sending me pics of herself, like her Halloween costume etc.

I foolishly still talk to her. I am thinking she met me, didn't care for what she saw and that is probably the reason, but she doesn't want to say it up front.

Days later I get more texts from her saying she is not right for anyone blah blah and she is hurt from last guy and I am a wonderful amazing guy but she feels nothing cause her heart is walled up and no one understand how hurt she is and she alone felt pain like no other has, and her life cannot be better and people don't understand.

I say, I understand thats fine, so I tell her I was doing a lot of soul searching anyhow and I think I need to make a big change in my life (which is true).

her next question ?

HAVE YOU MET SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE THIS ?

I ignore the question.

Today more messages about how hurt she is and if someone was really for her they would have the patience to allow her time to heal and then she would be able to focus on making that person happy.

I realize there must be something wrong with me if I can allow this obviously unwell person to affect me. But to be honest I have not felt so into someone since my ex years ago.

I keep thinking that maybe it's me.

But then I remember she said she met a guy shortly after her ex, and she used to drive 60 miles a day after work to see him. He would NEVER come to see her, and he treated her like crap.

So there must have been something attracting her to him past the initial meeting that allowed her to put up with the negative treatment.

So in reality, she is just not into me, but insists on doing crap like sending me pics of herself and talking to me when she knows how I feel.

I don't know what to do...

Wish I could erase the last 3 months and be the "Happy to be single, cause women are crazy" guy I was last year.


Sorry for the long and rambling post. My head is all ****ed. When I feel level headed and ok, she texts me and just ****s up my day. Almost like she has a spycam or something.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell her you're open to dating her, but not friendship, and if that's all she wants then you won't be responding to her.

[HeartIsAching]

She's right - she's not ready for a relationship. She's manipulative, emotionally and mentally abusive, and passive-aggressive.

It's not your fault - it's nothing wrong with you... they're master manipulators, good at getting you to believe it's some fault of yours.

I'd be willing to bet that the less attention you pay to her, the more she'll try to get it. I'd advise going to No Contact, and try to find a healthy woman.

[bulrush]

This girl seems unstable, and not good for you.

However, I hope you will do a lot of "light" dating. Date people, and explore people that you like while looking for that perfect person. Beware of the "relatively perfect" person who just happens to be better than the last one. You really need to look for the "really perfect" person, the one where you know you would not change a thing about them, and they would still make you happy.

[jamesfed]

She just texted me:

I twisted her words, She does want a relationship, just haven't found one.
(This is after saying, I am glad I found you, you make my heart melt, I want to wake up beside you and have hot sweaty sex etc)

I am a prime example. because she told me distance was factor ?
(I told her repeatedly this was not a problem, I left work at midnight to drive to her house when she desired it, and she drove MUCH further for the last guy)

She is not saying she can't love but no one has shown her she can break down her wall

I am no different from any other guy.
(Her classic attack, the minute I say/do something which is not completely in line with her desires, she says I am like every other guy)

I don't like negative feedback, and sarcastic responses, I am a grown woman.
(Pretty much, always agree, always do what she wants, always be at her beck and call ?)



ps.

I realise that I may attract these sort of people. I had a female friend of almost 20 yrs who I had to cut off because she was the same, ANGEL when she is pleased and the whole world is making her happy, but when she thought she was slighted or not getting her way she was a violent crazed person.

[jamesfed]

It's weird, I have met people since my ex, from normal to crazy, and usually I have no issues at all just saying this person is no good or the connection wasn't there and moving away. I don't know what it is, I met her and I just thought she is the one. As we got to know each other I would look forward to talking to her and sharing our day in a way that never happened since my last girlfriend.

It's like my lego block fit her lego block, at least in the beginning and I thought we would go the distance.

[Wakeup]

Now that you're getting to actually know her better it's easy to see that that lego was hammered in and it didn't actually fit at all.

[jamesfed]

It fit not even a little bit, but why can't I get her out of my head. I am so unhappy and angry and bitter. I wish there was something I could do to get her out of my mind.

[Wakeup]

It fit not even a little bit, but why can't I get her out of my head. I am so unhappy and angry and bitter. I wish there was something I could do to get her out of my mind.

There is. Simply put ~ stop yourself when you think about her and lyou start longing to be with someone who you fking well know is not good for you. Stop pining for her and you'll do what comes naturally ~ You'll stop pining for her. Turn off the channel starring her that plays in your brain. Keep yourself busy doing things you like to do with people you like doing them with. Start something new that you always wanted to do but keep putting it off. Block her from being able to reach you so that she can't keep getting into your head again. Stop it and you'll very quckly get over her and the crap she put you through. Take charge of you and stop giving her the right to rent space in your head for free.

[jamesfed]

Alright, gonna go party like Rockstar for a couple of weeks lol.

[bulrush]

Try not to think of her. But if you do, think of only the bad times with her, and how she will never get better, because inside her head, she thinks all her anger is "normal". It's not. And you will find a better person soon.

[Wakeup]

hahah.. You do that and have fun.

Don't forget to block and delete her before you start though.. I wouldn't want to see you drunk dial/email/text the loopy loo. :o)

[jamesfed]

Deleted her number, deleted her from yahoo, deleted the texts.

Just need to get out and meet some people. I'm kinda socially awkward, so just meeting people is a big struggle for me.

It's weird, after being alone and really not wanting someone in my life, three years on I miss having a meaningful relationship terribly.

Feel kinda dumb, I been happily singing "down with love" for last couple of years, then I get sideswiped like a blind guy in a bumpercart...

[jamesfed]

To the women I have merely like, or only have a purely sexual interest, I seem to be a pillar of strength and confidence lol.

I have nothing to lose in those cases, so I am a brave soldier willing to face the slings and arrows. Once I think that this is someone I want to be long term with, I become a pleaser cause I don't want it to go bad.

Talking this stuff out is really helping.

I'm getting my mind right slowly.

Thank all you guys

[SunRiver]

You're not dumb. Just be real careful in the future and try to be more mindful of the early warning signs that someone is not ready or appropriate for the kind of relationship you want. There are books on this that could be helpful. Just don't let one bad experience scare you off from your goal of finding that special person. Just like interviewing for a job, you may have to go through a lot to find the "right fit". You have to be thick-skinned, persistent, and confident that will, indeed, find that right person eventually. And don't ever tell yourself that "just meeting people is a big struggle for me". Change your outlook. Say "It's easy for me to meet people" and see what a difference it makes.