Complicated Relationship. Need advice on how to uncomplicate it effectively

[NoraLane]

I got out of a relationship about a year and a half, 2 years ago. It was a 6 year long relationship. First love. Yadda yadda. Been friends with this guy for about 2 and a half years. We just recently started speaking on a romantic level. I'm not entirely over the lose of my old relationship but have abslutely zero interest in being with my ex. The friend lives about 13 hours away from me so we've decided not to become official until we start going on dates regularly/visit each other regularly and consistently. But how do we do this right? What are some things we should avoid and what are absolute essentials? I really like him and want to give us the best shot. Also, what are some thinsi can do to help my relationship with myself and increase my self worth? I find myself being extremely insecure to the point of ridiculousness. I don't act out because of it but I constantly feel like he can do better and that I'm not good enough and that as the relationship progresses and he learns more about me hell become disinterested. I know its all in my head ad because of things that happened with my ex but it kills me and I don't want to let it become an issue with me and him. But I also want to do it for myself because I'm tired of feeling this way. Thanks guys.

[AnnonymousMan]

Insecurities eat you alive eh?
Obviously you want him to accept you as the person you are so don't hold back doing or saying anything, just use logic and not emotions to control what it is you do and say. Your X needs to remain in the PAST and do not let it interfer with this guy or it will only upset him as it will shatter his sense of control and manly 'ego'. Obviously he will find some flaws in you as everybody has flaws so don't worry if he discovers that there are things he doesn't like about you.
I suggest taking it semi slow and getting comfortable around eachother first and establishing some sort of stable communication so when you do get intimate or a touchy subject is brought up, at least your both comfortable and can actually talk about it. I wouldn't live in worry though, try and change your mindset.

[Dune]

Yup it's all in your head. Insecurity reeks, especially in relationships. IMO, a lil jealousy and here and there is kinda cute and normal in every relationship but too much is just begging for a breakup. If you have trouble with insecurities, my advice is, simply do things that makes you feel great about yourself. You know.. Self improvement kinda stuff. I always find achieving something a plus point to my self esteem, which in turn, reduces insecurity. Pick up a skill, start exercising, yoga etc.. Whatever affection he gives you, treat is as you fully deserve it, and don't forget that a relationship is always mutual.

Also, you'd have to keep reminding yourself that what your mind perceive something as may be far from the truth eg. you may blow something small out of proportion and that's when you feel like crap and arguments start. So always have a calm mind.

Take it slow and go with the flow. Make sure your relationship is progressing well. Get to know him. Let him get to know you.

[devonbrown]

Your insecurities are something that you need to work on. Do not ask your romantic partners to help you with that, because it is not their issue and it will only serve to hurt the relationship. You need to remind yourself of your self-worth, however you go about doing it. You were just in a 6 years relationship and things are going well with the new guy, so obviously you don't have any problem attracting guys. If you understand that your insecurity is not based on reality, but on your own internal conversations, then it might help you deal with it better.

As for the new guy, I applaud you two for your mature understanding of what a relationship actually is and not wanting to label and define a relationship that hasn't even started yet.

Good luck.