I was widowed earlier this year. My late husband had a bad heart for years, took a second major heart attack at the beginning of February. He spent 3 months in hospital and died less than two weeks after discharge of something completely different that no-one, not even himself knew about. In some ways it was a blessing in disguise because he would have been severely disabled. He was a comparatively young man, only in his mid 50s (as I am) and his heart problem, chronic heart failure would have been slow and increasingly painful for him so I am glad he was spared that suffering.
However, for the past 5 years we had not been getting on. I would have left him long ago but had nowhere to go so stayed and put up with his mainly verbal and mental abuse (know now that it was probably due to the illness but didn't realise it at the time) so I'd fallen out of love with him a long time ago.
He passed away in May this year. Sorry if this sounds cruel but after the initial shock I felt relieved. I felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. Friends have said there is no longer a nasty atmosphere in our house.
One of my closer friends suggested I join a dating site so I did, only looking for friends. There is one man I have been writing daily with for the past 3 months. He often writes several times a day and now wants to meet me in person.
My problem is other people. Some think I should still be mourning for my late husband, that I should be in floods of tears all the time. I am not. I am a positive person who has picked herself up, dusted herself down and is getting on with life and they don't know what went on behind closed doors. Life with my late husband was not pleasant, in fact, it was a nightmare at times. He had been married before and was just as bad with his previous wife (I have seen the divorce papers which I found when going through his personal effects).
I would like to meet this man who has trusted me enough to give me his phone number although I haven't called him yet. He is very happy to meet in a public place but if a relationship were to develop (we might meet and decide we don't like each other after all) there are some people who won't like it. I tentatively broached the dating subject to one friend who's response was that my husband wasn't cold in his grave and seemed quite shocked that I might even think about meeting someone else.
Am I wrong? I feel that in the past few months I have started to live and become myself again, have regained my confidence and sense of humour which over the past few years got lost somewhere
Why do some people make it so difficult for a widow (or widower) to rebuild their lives?
Your opinions will be greatly appreciated.