Torn apart inside!

[decorator36]

Hi

So here's the situation. Been with this girl for 1 year now. I am 36 and she is 27. From the beginning everything went smoothly. Soon I began noticing some really anoying things in her personality (selfishness etc). I also as we know am not perfect and things began to ger interesting. She also always didn't want to talk about her ex boyfriends. I know this is totally pointless but I just wanted her to share her history so I could know if I could trust this person. Later I found out she was dating and banging her boss before me and he cheated on her. She still sees that guy every day and sometimes I see her chating with him on the gmai. So the thing is she is also very into having kids but I don't know if she is the one. She is also always telling me that she loves and I got the feeling just for the sake that I would tell her the same. But my instinct tells me this is far from the truth. Bed activity is good and dirty but I miss that gentle loving kind of love making. That must be another sign here. So the fights are getting more and more frequent but the good things is we always go through the fights. But still my instinct tells me that's not it. Need some advice or something similar. I know that relationship are a lot of compromises and hard work but still there must be a line to see if the stuff works or not. Our families know each other and we are living together for 6 months now. I am torn. I really don't want to go through the same procedure of getting a girlfriend but still am not satisfied. Rant over:9

[Dune]

Red flags I've picked out are:

She bangs her boss - Wow! You definitely have to know the reasons as to how that happened..
Selfishness - With your partner, even? Really? I thought sharing is caring..
The increase in fights and where you start doubting the love in the relationship - Ask yourself whether you think things can make a turn for the better.

Besides that, awesome sex is is just awesome sex. Sex between couples should have that "loving" feeling. If that's missing, it would make things feel as if it is all just about the physical. Also, remember that if you settle, you have to deal with this for the rest of your life. Don't mean to scare you, but even you are starting to doubt yourself, and she's only your girlfriend. Is she wife material? Just wanting kids doesn't make a girl wife material.

[decorator36]

To avoid misunderstandings:

- she used to bang her boss. He is still her boss and she sees him everyday but she says it's all over and that she hates him. She said chatting with him on my pc on gmail was only about work.

[AnnonymousMan]

Be careful that she doesn't decide to mess around with him again. I understand the selfish crap, my gf is the same way, like a spoiled brat. That is just her personality but you just need to call her out when she acts selfish. As far as her history, just ask if she has ever cheated on anyone, not details of her past. There might be things that she just wants to forget. You can learn a lot about her through things she had done in her past, not things her and her x's use to do. If you guys get past arguements than hell, you have one upped me. You miss the gentle love making? Then cut back on the dirty sex and start lighting some candles or try to ignite the passion other ways. It isn't going to randomly come back lol.
Goodluck.