Hello, I am new to the forums. I have never posted any relationship problems anywhere before, but I really need help with this issue. This may be long, so please bear with me. I want you guys to understand the situation fully.
I have been dating my girlfriend for the past four years. We live an hour apart from each other, and try to see each other as much as we can, which is at least 2 or 3 days out of the week, sometimes more. I believe that we are meant for each other, and we say we want to spend the rest of our lives together. There is only one thing that we really don't see eye-to-eye on...sex. Before I go any further, I must explain our past for the issue to make any sense.
When we started dating things were great. I couldn't have been happier. At this time, we were around 15-16 years old. The relationship was exciting, and I just couldn't wait for the weekends to see her. She hadn't done anything sexually with anyone before me, and I had gotten as far as a girl giving me oral sex. Our very first date we went to the movies, and she started giving me a handjob. Now, I didn't intend for that to be the first sexual encounter together, but at the same time I liked it. The things we did together sexually were spur of the moment. She actually wanted me and it made me feel good about myself. A month or so after we started dating, I went into a deep state of depression for 9 months. She helped me through it, and I basically fell in love with her over time. Being only 17 I had no idea what love was, but I had never felt like that before. She was confident, happy, and outgoing, and I just loved that about her. As you can see, sex was not the only thing keeping our relationship together. Over time her sex drive decreased, which lead me to start talking to other girls, and not just as friends. I have a very high sex drive, and before our relationship I got attention from a lot of girls. This lack of attention from her lead me to find it elsewhere. The first time she found out I was talking to another girl was by looking through my phone. I knew then that was a sign that she was insecure. She was devastated. It took about an hour or so to get over it, and I told her that it would never happen again. Her sex drive remained low, and she showed no sign of wanting me. As you can guess, this lead me to talk to more girls. In turn, her sex drive got even lower. You can see this is just a never ending cycle. I talked to about 6 or 7 girls for over a period of a year and a half until I quit talking to them altogether. This was over a year ago. It's not like I didn't show that I loved her during that time, because I spoiled her and I was the one driving an hour to see her, and spending the only money I had. It was just the lack of sex which was driving me insane.
Anyway, I stopped talking to girls, realizing that I love her and it wasn't right, regardless if I was content with our sex life or not. I basically matured during that time, and learned a lot. Since then, I have been spoiling her and treating her like a queen. If she wants something, I would get it for her. If she needed someone to talk to, I would be there. If she wanted to do something, I would do it with her. I spent what little money I make on gifts for every occassion. For example, she was sort of interested in photography, and doesn't really have any hobbies, so I bought her a $375 dollar camera for Christmas as a suprise. Also, I forgot to mention the promise ring I got her in the very beginning of our relationship. It was a cheap $30 dollar promise ring from Walmart that she wanted. I ended up replacing that with a $150 dollar promise ring, with the birthstone of the month we got together. On our 4 year anniversary, I went to the spot where we meant, and gave it to her, sort of like a new beginning for us. I was hoping that this would help her forget what I had done...well regardless of everything I have done for her, she still brings it up to this day.
This brings me to the main issue. She looks at sex completely different now, and she is all worried about being known as a "slut" or "whore." Living an hour apart is tough when I want her every single day. It sucks to not hear a single word about sex for 4 or 5 straight days. She never sends me texts or IMs saying she wants me. She used to send me sexy pics of herself all the time, this was while I was talking to other girls too. I just don't get it. Now that I have stopped, nothing has changed. I have been really trying to show her that I changed and I am more mature and committed to our relationship. I tell her she is beautiful every day. I know she is sort of insecure about her weight, but I tell her that I love her body and I don't want her to change it. Every time I hint that I want it, over IM, text, or even in person, she just brushes it off and says "I'm sorry" or "of course." She is too worried about our relationship becoming all about sex that it's actually doing the opposite. I would say on average I get oral at least once or twice a week, and sex every 1 to 2 weeks. The girl I knew 4 years ago, is not same now. I realize people change, but she has lost all confidence in herself and is now depressed, and sex isn't spur of the moment like it used to be. I try so hard to make her feel happy and beautiful, but she isn't willing to try at all. She is a lot more negative than she used to be. Thinking about it all, I feel like I ruined our relationship just by talking to other girls. It is going to remain a problem in our relationship forever. I really love this girl and want to stay with her, but how are we supposed to continue our relationship when it is stuck in the past? To be honest, I wish that other guys would talk to her just to give her attention and make her feel good about herself. She thinks she is ugly which is not true at all. She thinks showing a little cleavage makes her considered a slut. I don't know what to do from here, I feel like part of it is because of her depression, but she has no will to make herself happy. She is the only one that can do so.
Basically, whenever I bring up this issue to her she just brings up the past about me talking to other girls, and usually starts a fight. The word "sex" triggers her anger. She always says "what did I do wrong now" when I bring it up. All I want to do is talk to her about it like normal people in a relationship would, and find a happy medium. Sex is only during her convenience, not mine. When we do sexual things together, I feel like she doesn't enjoy it as much as me. I feel like she would realize that all I want is sexual attention from her. I feel unattractive to her because she doesn't want me when we aren't together. I know this is all coming out randomly, but this whole issue causes me to not be able to think straight. It is very frustrating and depressing for me at the same time.
So please, any advice you could give me to help would be great. I just want to fix what I have done to ruin our relationship. I want her to be happy and confident in herself like she used to be. Is it really acceptable for her to keep bringing up the problem even though it happened over a year ago? It's like she is blind and can't see that I changed completely. I have tried everything and have no idea what to do from here.