Hello Love Forum!
This is totally long winded but please please please give me some advice. I'm usually pretty good at reading people and giving relationship advice but when it comes to the matters of my own heart I sometimes need a reality check! So please if someone would be so kind as to read this essay (or the 8th Harry Potter as I like to refer to it) I'd be deeply grateful
A bit of back story before the main attraction:
I am in a year long relationship with a wonderful man 16 years older than myself and we now live together. Over the last 12 months I have witnessed behaviour from him that has given me no reason to doubt that he has a very healthy respect for family values and women as well as a respectful, (maybe even slightly shy), attitude toward sex. When we began dating he was the one who insisted on getting to know each other a little better before fully consumating the physical side of our relationship. We spent every night together for the first 3 weeks (a bit intense but we enjoy each others company immensely) during which there was heavy petting involved but no intercourse. I had never met a man who has given the 'take it slow' pitch before so it was a new experience for me and quite a refreshing one!
I have had a couple of serious boyfriends in my time and a couple of not so serious ones and in the duration of each relationship it has come to light that they have cheated on me (which is very annoying considering I have a healthy libido and am not known to deny the object of my affection very often lol)
My current partner has never given me a reason not to trust him implicitly. I'm not the kind of woman who has a heart attack at the mere mention of a surfing trip or fishing trip with the boys. It is healthy and normal to give each other a bit of space and the opportunity to miss each other every now and then. In fact I see it as a vital part to any relationship because more often than not reconnecting with each other upon return keeps things fresh and fun.
One night at our local bar we were having a few drinks with a good mate of his and they started on the topic of Thailand and how the surf, scenery and lack of impact to the wallet makes for an awesome holiday. It came to light during the course of the conversation that they have been thinking about doing a surf trip there for some years but have never gotten around to it due to the demands of work and their children (who are now grown) my partner and his friend are both single fathers who over the years, while their children were young, would holiday together almost like a little family unit to make it more fun for the kids.
Now that the kids have moved out of home they are keen on the idea of taking a boys holiday to let their hair down, surf and fish and drink like maniacs. I don't have a problem with this. However I do have a problem with the location.
I have heard too many stories of unsuspecting wives and girlfriends ending up with one or more nasty diseases after these 'boys trips' because their partners had no intention of keeping their trousers zipped. In fact even my partner pointed out one of the regulars at the bar who had come back from Thailand recently and was in the process of getting treated for one of these little 'nasties' that he had picked up along the way.
During other conversations, (under the influence of alcohol and while sober), my partner has made it quite clear that he thinks guys who visit prostitutes are desperados and that one night stands aren't typically his 'thing' and that all of his encounters of a casual nature have always been for more than one evening even though they didn't lead down a more serious track.
I don't know if I am naive or if I'm actually dealing with a genuinely wonderful guy with a moral or two under his tool belt. Before anyone flames me for being paranoid, jealous or controlling please understand that I am actually a pretty cool person in most circumstances, but with a bit of experience in getting cheated on and all the horror stories about sleazy, disease ridden, pushy prostitutes I am a bit concerned about the possibility of the two of them making this hypothetical trip a reality.
Am I worried for no reason? Like I said before I have no issue with him wanting to fish and surf and let his hair down with his friend but why Thailand? It sounds to me like it's a recipe for disaster and to be honest if they did go to Thailand and didn't ask if I'd like to join them the chances of me still being his trusty other half upon their return is quite slim. I have a tendency to cut my losses, change my phone number and move on after definitely being cheated on as I see no point in agonising or fighting over the deception.
I know I'm being a typical 'girl' about this but I feel that it's not without reason and maybe part of my problem is I've never been so off the charts in love like I am this time around. What do the gentleman on here think about this? Keep in mind I'm not 100% sure if this trip will become a reality. I'm just concerned that it will and I know I'm not going to be the one to throw him the Bon Voyage party.
If your partner expressed her concern about the disgusting things that go on in Thailand and if you were genuinely concerned for the welfare of your relationship would you not go, or perhaps include her on this particular trip? Or would you just go anyway and hope for the best when you got back?
If you're still here reading THANK YOU! I know I've been a bit long winded LOL but I really love this guy and want to continue to show him the respect and trust that we have always had for each other and I don't want to turn into some clingy monster that can't let her man out of her clutches for two seconds out of insecurity. I really can't stand people like that and I don't want to have to change my name to Hypocrite Lemon!
Many Thanks
~ Lemons