Emotional Affair

[Guest13]

I have been working with a girl for quite some time now, but only recently have we discussed feelings for each other. I am a few years younger than she, and she has a few children with her husband. He had done a lot to hurt her in the past, things like cheating and shopping, spending all their money for rent on things they didn't need, when he didn't even have a job. Our feelings moved very quickly and the connection we had was amazing. It was like nothing I ever felt or she had felt. We could read each others minds, finish each others sentences, and we made each other better people. I started working out again and looking into going back to school. She started working out, quit smoking, and started to be herself, something she had never been with her husband. We continued talking about us, and the possibility of her leaving her husband. She told me how I was what she wanted and how I made her happier than her husband has ever made her, and she doesn't know if he ever can make her that happy. Just recently, the truth came out to her husband and we all talked. For some strange reason, probably my conscience, I tried to help them with their relationship, even though I thought he is not a good husband. Now I am hurting, because out of all this, I'm the one who has made her come out of her shell, I'm the one who made her the happiest she has ever been, and now I'm the one who cries everyday, because nice guys finish last. What do I do here? And moving on is a very tough option, because I see her at work all the time. And when I think of moving on, I think that there will never be anybody as perfect for me out there as she is. And she agrees that I am perfect for her, but always says she doesn't want to break up her family. My life sucks right now, and I need it to get better.

[Wakeup]

I'm the one who made her the happiest she has ever been, and now I'm the one who cries everyday, because nice guys finish last.

You're a self-proclaimed "nice guy" who, usually are'nt actually "nice" at all and rather self-serving in their endevours.

Anyway, I suggest in future you don't get involved with women who are already in a relationship because nearly always they "don't want to break up their family."

What happened to you is nothing new, we read about your story that ends this way quite often on forum boards.

If you want to waste the rest of your life longing and pining for someone who had a chance to leave their husband for you but chose not to, then that is your perogative but don't you think that doing that is a total waste of your time. Clear your mind and heart of her by avoiding interactions with her that have nothing to do with your jobs. Keep it strictly professional.

Join groups where you're sure to meet many single women and forget about her. She's taken.

[smackie9]

Emotional affairs are just an escape from their problems in their relationship. Most of it is just fantasy and absolutely no clear thinking from her. You just can't do that....you will lose just as you found out.

[Guest13]

Thanks, I've only gotten positive feedback from mutual friends, so I kind of need that negativity from people out of the situation. And don't mock me saying I'm not a nice guy... I sat down and tried to work on their marriage, I am a nice guy that just got caught up in a bad situation. And my emotions tend to outweigh my morals. So sorry for being human.

[IndiReloaded]

You definitely need to give up the idea of a romantic relationship with this woman. Get real: do you really want to be a homewrecker? You don't sound like it.

Instead, be proud you were able to help this woman improve herself and yourself in the process. Sometimes, people find each other in order to grow just the way you have. When you try to make it more than it is... that's when you get disappointed.

[blackstallion]

Stay the he@@ out of it. That's my advice. They are married and it's NOT your business. You're not the husband and you have
nothing to feel "bad" about. Go find your own woman. You know? Don't be a desperate fool.

Sorry to sound harsh but you should know better. And this goes *doubly* when there are KIDs involved. Every word of your
post drips with selfishness - all about you. You're messing with a family. Don't go there. Don't even counsel - that's not your
place. Refer her to a marriage counselor and be done with it.

[bulrush]

Guest13,
You chose to get emotionally involved with a woman who was married. It was a bad choice. Now you see the consequences. You are probably a nice guy, thinking that just by being nice, you will get what you need. But that isn't true. I'm a "nice guy" but I stopped being passive, and started being more active. I search for women who are a good match for me, and if I learn something new about them, and they are no longer a good match, I move on. Because I have been much more active in my dating, I have been much happier with the results.

I was shy about relationships, and starting that first conversation with girls. So I worked on that, I took risks, I made a few minor mistakes early on, and laughed about them. I still take risks with people who I like, and I have very happy relationships with people that have a lot in common with me.

You should try that. Really think about the type of girl you need, and look for them.

[bluesummer]

I can't count the amount of times on this site that people post about some married person with children that has a horrible life and they feel like they are the perfect person to 'rescue' them from their horrible life. It's just not that simple. Her husband may or may not be a terrible guy, you're only hearing one side of the story. She has to make her own choices, and if she's truly not happy the only reason she should be leaving is to create a better life for herself and her children, not to be with another man. It's often the worst thing a person can do. She is going to have so much damn emotional baggage that it would ruin any relationship she went into. If she indeed left him she needs to be alone for awhile, to sort out her head and be there for her kids (who will be dealing with strong emotions from such an event).

Don't get in the middle of this. You are not helping her. She should get counselling if she's so miserable.