Does he really want to keep seeing me?

[sunny2011]

I would appreciate any input/opinions. I am half sad, half happy right now. Also a bit confused.

A couple months ago I had a good date with a guy and he had asked me out again. But before we got that far, my insecurity got the best of me and I got upset with him over something totally silly. I regretted this as time went along, and something kept telling me to give it another shot.

So recently, I sent an apology text and that I would like to hang out again. His reply was that he is moving out of town soon, but he wanted to hang out too. I admit this gave an idea, because I haven't been intimate in 9 months, and figured we could have a fun night together, and that would be it. Through texting, sexual tension was high. We ended up going out that very night instead of waiting (although he suggested we could go out another time as well)

He took me out for a fun night. Kissed me passionately, held my hand, did everything a gentleman should do to make a woman feel good. We gave in the physical tension and he came over. It was a fantastic, romantic, wild time with him all night long. And as we lay in bed, he was stroking my hair, my face, holding my hand, holding me.

On the date, was when I learned he is moving 4 hrs away in just a week for a new job. The next morning he had to leave for the new town in order to secure his new place there. When saying goodbye, he said "see you again sometime?" I said, absolutely. But I'm not sure what he meant by this. Later, I texted him to remind him what an amazing time I had. He replied that he did too, and would "see me again soon".

I didn't expect this at all - but now I can't stop thinking about him and I miss him. I'm sad that he's moving but can't tell him so - or should I? I am not sure if he plans to see me before he goes - I don't want to pressure him to do so, nor do I want to appear like I'm pusuing a long-distance relationship after just one awesome night together. My intentions were certainly not to start falling for him

He has not mentioned his moving away as a barrier to seeing me. Beyond "see you again soon", I cannot tell what he's thinking. I don't want to express feelings that might make him feel pressure, or guilty for moving after this. Should I ask to get his company before moving and talk about it? Or, should I just let things take on its own form and see if a relationship begins despite the 4 hrs of distance? He will likely visit his family and friends here sometimes, and 4 hrs is not that far of a drive to me. Am I crazy for even thinking this way? I'm so happy to find someone I have real feelings for again. But so sad that he's leaving. What do I do!!! Thanks!

[sunny2011]

Really hoping for some kind of guidance. I don't know if I should consider this the beginning of something great, or as a one time thing, based on his actions and his moving situation. And I want to text him badly but afraid I will say the wrong thing. Thanks.

[tee]

Hmmm, well, I think guys need more than one night to commit to a girl. You're going to have to take it very slowly. In my opinion, a strong relationship cannot begin on a long distance basis. Get to know each other more when he is in town. Go on dates. If you he ends up just wanting to have sex every time he's in town, chances are he doesn't think much of the relationship. In that case, end it, quickly. You'll only be digging yourself a deep hole. Good luck. And as I'm sure your friends and many other have told you before, if a guy is into a girl, he will tell her. Period. So, let him make the moves.

[skewbs]

It's still really early days for a relationship after seeing each other just twice, but you talk like you guys have really good chemistry and it looks like it could turn into something potentially long term. I guess it really sucks that he's moving, at this stage I'm gonna assume that moving over there with him is probably way too fast. If you do really like him then just go with the flow, like you said he'll have to come back to visit people and you should just continue to stay in contact and even though long distance relationships can be hard, if you think he's worth it then you should go for it. Maybe just see him whenever he's down and you could drive down and spend weekend trips with him, it's hard to base a big relationship with him after just one night though, even if he was really good haha. Just play it casually I guess, see how things progress

[sunny2011]

Thank you sooo much. I am not expecting commitment at this point, but trying to understand if he really wants to keep seeing me even though he is moving. From what I gather, he does. Perhaps before he goes, I will suggest a weekend trip to see him sometime and leave it on that level.? That night he did make some kind of reference to me being at his new place, but I don't specifically remember what he said about that.

But there is also the issue that I really want to see him before he goes...as many friends /family do as well. So I'm not sure if it would seem like asking a lot to suggest he makes time for me before leaving...I'm sure he is so busy in the days leading up to his move. Well, thanks again

[bulrush]

I think you should have a very direct talk with him. Don't make it too confusing, just talk about your feelings now and what you want right now. You'd like to see him again, but you aren't expecting commitment? I wouldn't add "not expecting commitment", that sounds like you want FWB only. You have to be very clear with him on what you want and do not want. Do you want FWB? Do you want to date him excluslively?

You won't get what you want unless you ask him for it.

[sunny2011]

I am 34 and he is 31, to answer the age question. In response to bulrush, and thank you - your are probably right that he should know my feelings, at least to some extent.

But the part about not expecting commitment is true, at least for the time being, but that's because he is moving, and not because I want FWB. However, I do want to keep seeing eachother whenever its convenient for us to do so. Should I tell him this and add anything else? Should I be honest that I was just aiming for sex with him but found myself feeling more in the end?

[bulrush]

Then tell him you might want commitment in the future, but since he is moving, you just want to date him and see if things work out. Nothing wrong with going slow or being cautious, a long distance relationship can be hard. Just be honest and direct, and don't keep him in the dark. The more he has to guess on, the more likely he is to get tired of head games and leave.

[Someonesp]

I think you shouldn't have the talk yet. See if he calls you. Does he call you every day? Does he tell you he misses you or make plans to see you again soon? If not, just have patience and see what happens. Do not scare him, you just met, he can't commit to you after a few dates. And do not get your hopes too high. Cause he may not think about you in the same way. Women have that habit to be super excited after a guy in the beginning and ruin it because of that. So chill and wait for him to make the moves.

[devonbrown]

I see a couple possibilities of why he said "see you again soon." Either 1) He said it just as a goodbye, like "see ya later, alligator." or 2) He wants to keep you on the hook for some no-strings attached hooking up whenever he is in town. I wouldn't read too much more into it than that.

Stick with your original plan of treating him to a one-time thing and just relax. Who knows what the future will bring.

Good luck.

[oldskool83]

I've said see you later to women I've hung out with once and never spoke again. It would'nt of been nice to say "BYE" because that would come off rude. You did want you wanted but you also knew he was going to jump ship and skip town for a fresh start or whatnot. Call him or text him in a week or 2, ask him how the new town is see what happens. I wouldnt wait around for someone who moved 4hrs away. He didnt turn down your chance to hang with him again...but he probly knew it was gonna be a fun night and i wouldnt of turned it down either.

[sunny2011]

Well, mixed advice here so I'm still not exactly sure what to do! However I will text or call him before he moves next week (that is if he doesn't first) to at least wish him well, and if that leads to another date, I will then express interest in continuing to date when he's in town and what not.

If there is not another date before he moves then I will wait a week or two to let him get settled and call him to catch up. From that point it could either go somewhere, or nowhere. But I will for sure leave the commitment word out of any talk otherwise. Unless we begin a routine in travelling for eachother, then obviously commitment would be a question.

So I think that plan is safe and logical. Everything you have all said is sensable and quite possible. But in conclusion, I do need to express what I feel to some extent without going overboard and scaring him off.

[Leona77]

I came to this forum for a similar reason.You can even search for my original post if you wish.
I had one week of great time after2 years of no intimacy with a guy, we were going out with his friends, spending nights together etc..
but the guy was moving 3 times the distance and was much younger than me, so I was 99% determined that it was only going to be a romance. While we were together, he even invited me over and talked about ''when we see each other again'' kind of thing. Of course, I knew it was just the thrill of the moment at the time.
However,having amazing sex screws with our heads! Or our hormones do that, to be more precise!!! We want to have gazillion of his babies with him & turn into clingy potential mums wanting to live happily ever after with a guy we clearly saw as a romance before the actual dead of having sex. So even though initially I was determined not to contact him ever & to close the story once he was gone, somewhere towards the end of the 2nd week I started hezitating if we maybe stood a chance...Luckily, I went back to my initial standpoint & decided not to do anything and move on unless he contacted me. And guess what? He never did!
So, if you want to listen to me, just move on & never look back. If he is serious about you he will contact you. Even though I think the chances of that are 0,0001% as you have already spoilt the fun of him chasing you. I am not saying there are no exceptions to this rule, but 9 out of 10 times he would not see you as a relationship potential. It's harsh, I know, but it's the truth in most cases.
Good luck with your decision & do post if I am wrong about my assumption!

p.s. and read what the guys comment. they see it as it is, without our girly pink glasses on!