Not Sure Where To Go From Here

[annon25]

Hello All,

I've been dating a guy for the past four months. [We were old flames back in early high school, but it was not anything major.]

I have to say that this is the first time I have ever been in love with someone.

I also have to say that this is the biggest emotional roller coaster I've ever taken. After talking to friends and relatives, I'm being told to move on. But I guess I need a few more opinions.

When we started dating, the honeymoon stage was great. Every woman loves getting the "Good morning beautiful" texts in the morning as I did. They stopped about a month into the relationship. A little over a month into the relationship, he told me he loved me, and I told him the same. The rest is sort of history.

My issue with him is: He goes back and forth between being super affectionate,[soberly] and basically doing things that are standard in a budding relationship; and between being super distant. We now live a half hour away from each other because he lives in his college town, and there are times I don't here from him a day or two at a time. I've gotten used to that. [Should I have to, though?]

I want to point out that when he is drinking, is when he gets super mushy. He tells me he loves me more than constantly, and most recently has dropped the "M" word. [Would LOVE your thoughts on that!!!] [Actually, would love your thoughts on the legitimacy of a man's mushiness when he is drunk as well.]

This past week and a half has been the biggest confusion for me, and I'd like some advice. Here's the break down:

Last Tuesday: Asks me what my schedule was like for the next two weeks. I told him. He then gets super distant and dismissive when I ask why.

Last Wednesday: Didn't hear from him all day until 11pm. I get a text that I am "Cool" and "The best girlfriend ever." [Not like him at all.]

Last Thursday: He tells me to go over to his house. He's in affection and compliment mode today! Lots of hugs, kisses, "I miss yous" and "you smell pretty." When he is out with his family, I buy him his favorite video game, and when he gets it later that night he tells me how "awesome" I am for a good ten minutes. We go out to a bar with his friends, and unlike most male behavior, lets them do their thing, and gets "cupcakey" with me at the other side of the room. [Yeah, not like him AT all.] In fact, when we started dating, and his friends were around, I didn't exist.

Last Friday: Offers to take me for coffee in the morning [rare] Asks me to a dinner and movie that night. Alone time?! Us?! Offered by him?! [almost non existent.] Dinner and a walk around the plaza. Me enjoying him being quirky him.


This Monday: No Contact

This Tuesday: Around 8pm. Text: Hey beautiful. and a short description of his drugged out teacher. That's about it. Oh![and remember this] asks me what my schedule was this coming Thursday.

This Wednesday: No contact until 11pm. A picture of a weird doll his great-grandma made.

Last Night: I texted him telling him I didn't have any obligations today. He doesn't either AND he's in town! [He didn't tell me, but his Facebook posts told all.] Did he want to hang out? "Maybe later." Ok. Weird. You're a five minute drive away from your quasi- LD girlfriend, not doing anything but posting random shit on Facebook, and you don't want to hang out. Ok. Later on...let's say, past midnight, when I am asleep, my phone goes off about 10 times in a row. "I love you. I love you! Are you still up? It's hard to sleep without you next to me I love you! I love you!" Alright, someone's been drinking. He calls me. "Sorry I didn't tell you I was in town tonight." [I told him I was already aware.] He then spilled that he was at a friend's birthday party [whom I know]. His reasoning for not asking me to go with him, let alone not even telling me he was going was "I thought you had school tomorrow." [Reminded him that I didn't] "Well...I thought you did anyways." This was followed by copious offers over the weekend including breakfast the next day. Again, not like him at all--even when he's drunk. Male friend says he feels guilty about something. But what? And what does this back and forth behavior mean?


Thanks guys!

[Mathias]

That's really weird all around.

Remove the drinking issues from the equation - those can probably be helped. Even when he's OK, he doesn't seem like a good guy. It seems like you've made an effort, and he's not making the same.

That's pretty cut and dry to me.

[ashley235]

i agree it seems like you are making an effort but he doesnt sound like he is.
its been about 2 years and we are still in the honey moon stage. we talk on the phone every hour i couldnt imagine going a day without talking to him
but anyways you should try talking to him, just tell him how you feel about how he acts when he drinks and when he doesnt. tell him how hes been acting and how you feel about everything. be honest with him.
he may not be realizing that hes going back and forth alot. He might of really thought you had school so he didnt invite you. but to me i would think that the guy would still invite anyways to spend time with you. or at least came to see you the day he was in town or at least let you know so you didnt have to find out on facebook.
but my advice is, just try talking to him and if nothing changes then i do think you should move on.
theres guys around that would treat you so much better and be sweet all the time.

[annon25]

Thanks for the responses. I went to see him this morning because I offered to let him borrow my charger. He could tell that I was upset by the look on my face; but looking at his couldn't keep me upset for long. He told me he got me a present that should be coming in the mail soon--even invited me over for Thanksgiving and told me he was taking me a "surprise" place on Friday. All of this sounds great, but in the back of my mind, I can't help but think of why he is doing all of this. I think he only thinks I'm mad that he woke me up at 12 in the morning. I haven't really brought up the fact about the party. I will see him tonight, and bring it up. I want to say something along the lines of "I'm going to be honest with you about last night--I was a little upset that you told me we might hang out, and didn't even tell me you were going to a party instead; let alone see if I wanted to go." Do you guys think he really didn't asked me based on the fact that he thought I was busy, or did he really not want me to go? I'm a little upset at myself that I keep letting him get away with these kinds of things. I don't like being confrontational; but I'm tired of getting walked all over. I need to communicate without getting him upset, or scaring him away.

Thoughts anyone?

[Benni]

I want to point out that when he is drinking, is when he gets super mushy. He tells me he loves me more than constantly, and most recently has dropped the "M" word. [Would LOVE your thoughts on that!!!] [Actually, would love your thoughts on the legitimacy of a man's mushiness when he is drunk as well.]

I've always heard that when someone is drinking they are their true self stating their true feelings as the alcohol lessens any inhibitions toward holding their feelings back. Don't know if it's true or fact or not. ???