Almost broken

[Stillits]

Hello.

I am in a position of despair and impending devastating heart break and I really need some consolation, comfort and perhaps advice on a conversation - to decipher it.
The background is that my ex(?) and I had the most wonderful relationship for 2.5 years. He was like a dream come true, no lies. So close to perfect inside and out. It was not "just" infatuation or lust it developed into a deep, heart felt love, for me. I gave him everything I had and put everything I could into this relationship. Not at the start but eventually as time went by. I wanted a future with him. We were long distance and I wanted to move closer to him, so we would be living close or together after 3.5 years at last. He always agreed until 2 years and a couple of months into the relationship where he wasn't sure he was ready for that step. 3 months ago he asked for a break, he said (in his words): "I don't see it as a break up, but more as a confirmation that I wish to be with you". I really cared about him so I said okay, I'll give you space for some time to figure it out.
I always felt and expected that he would come back, given that our relationship had been so great and he had agreed to that to, even to the last day we met. I sincerely couldn't imagine that it would end.
We had little contact during these 3 months but Saturday he randomly wrote me and we had a conversation about random things. He said some things that I didn't understand but I was tipsy and didn't want to take a serious talk then so I asked him today about it. His answers have me pretty confused. I'll show some of the conversation here:

Me: anyways, you said you felt you had to talk to me but didn't know what to say. did you get that out of your system then?

Him: well. It's not like I don't like you or something right. I just doubt I want to be going on in a relationship. So I just thought hey why not just random.

(the dead line of the break was/is at latest new year and I was quite surprised to hear this)

Me: Really, you thought that? (Just casually saying hi, I have tried so hard to tell him how much I love him so I found it inappropriate) So I need to know, will you work on this after new year or not?

Him: frankly, I think not as in a relationship if that is what you mean.

Me: Look, have you made up your mind or not?

Him: I am not sure it is the right choice but I think I do not want to go on as stated before. Why say hi, also as stated before: I did miss talking to you.

Me: I can't use words as "think" for anything, I need to know if it's for sure and not.

Him: I know saying think is not a nice word there but I do not know. [..] and it is a big decision but thats why Im very confused and not determined to state something ;P

Me: Since you don't state something, do I wait for New Year and see what you say? or what?

Him: well. I don't think I will 'know' then.

Me: I can't move on if I still think there's hope, that's why I do need a statement.

And the conversation basically died out then. I said that I had hoped that we could give it a try, atleast, and that he would realise that what we had was one of those things worth hanging on to. Then said I need him to make a decision, after which he ended the convo with "Yes, I guess".
I don't know what to think of this. He doesn't seem sure he wants to end it but is he "just" leaning in that direction? I must add that in my view, I think he is afraid that he might have found something great so early and he is just scared. Everytime we were together his eyes had a light in them and he was happy. I just cannot understand nor bear this. I want to be with him. I also want him to (if he has too..) break up with me face to face and not over a written media. After me having put everything into this, is that too much to ask? I'd pay travel expenses for it. I just can't believe he doesn't know the reason he wants to end it. I'm in so much pain. Are there any chances I can get with him? He also has a tendency to dislike himself for his actions so I fear he is ruining this because he doesn't deem himself good enough and because he is afraid. I cannot think of other reasons. A month ago he said he hoped we could work it out when he was ready..

[smackie9]

Have you two actually ever met?

[Stillits]

Yes, we have met many times,once a month approximately for a week at a time. Last time we were together I was at his place for nearly 3 weeks.

[smackie9]

Don't makes plans to move in with him....that just down right silly. You need to see each other physically for more time, but also have neutral ground...your own place to live. So jumping right in and living together would be a tight spot to be in if things don't work out. I can see his point of view for sure.

Give him space, and then when you talk to him, take the pressure off and change your plans suggest that you will move closer, but not in with him, and take it from there.

[smackie9]

If he is still on the fence, there could be a possiblity he has met someone (not cheating) but is interested in making him second guess if he wants to continue with your relationship or not.

[Stillits]

Thank you for your reply smackie.

I did actually say that I would get my own place and even in another city (not so far from him) because my study would be there. But apparently he thinks the whole deal is that I want to move to his country. Which is not only for him but also the study, though yeah he is a huge bonus. I just don't get it.

[smackie9]

Like I said if he is putting on the breaks.....like he has done a 180 on the idea....the possibility is there for him to be contimplating persuing someone else....and well maybe he is not sure whether to give up a good thing with you or the desire to go with someone else. There have been guys posting on this site with this delimma.


For me, no matter how much in love I was......I never stayed with someone who has doubts about being with me....I usually made the decision for them.