Need advice

[Heyhappy]

Hello Everyone,

New to this site and looking for advice on my relationship. I am 41 yrs old with 2 kids (18yr and a 12 yrs old) and remarried after 10 yrs marriage from my previous. The person I feel in love and married have a 13yrs age difference. Anyways after our 4 1/2 yrs marriage she has mixed feelings and has now told me that she needs to find herself. She said that she has missed out in life and just wants to do whatever she want and make her own decisions. I understand where she is coming from because she was 19ys old when we meet and this is her first serious relationship but I treated her like a princess and gave her all the freedom she wants, we built a great relationship and we made a good team. She loves me still but feels like there is more out there for her. I would like to salvage what we have but not sure if I should keep trying. She is 27 yrs old now but very mature for her age but at times she likes to act like a kid. I have been on a roller coaster ride with emotions and just looking for advice. Has anyone else been in this situation?

[arcadiax]

Hey

Hmmm...this feels like quite a tricky situation because you're dealing with one of the toughest factors in life - time.

Age is time.

The question isn't about her love for you but because of time and age that's transforming her whole humanity, without you in the equation.

Over the past few years, you say you give her much freedom and treat her like a princess. Have both or just you ever felt perhaps nurturing and cocooning her lifestyle has made her feel lost in terms of self-control? Perhaps she is feeling lost in terms of self-worth because she's always had you by her side as support.

You know there is a saying and that's if you protect someone forever, they lose all perspective of worth and value - external and internal.

she is the same age as me so i don't know how well you will take my advice lol....but the difference between her and me is i am male. i am ambitious and independent so perhaps i can sort of mirror her opposite feelings because she has a very strong male figure in her life. i am a strong male figure to many of my female friends.

i think what you need to do is stop thinking in the mould as a male protective figure but come down to earth more and truly experience and put yourself in her mindset. show her you are not only some safety net but a human being too who has loved her for so many years and that you both had and are still going to share many laughs, tears and experiences together.

personally, life is short, and i only realized that after going through many traumatic experiences. trauma matures a person sometimes faster than that person would like. this is just my 2 cents. not saying she has been through any symbolic traumatic experiences acutely but i could say the 13 years is quite a big difference and that in itself can be something of a passive, confused trauma. for good or bad, it is up to you both to decide.