Friend or Girlfriend?

[Kafana]

There is this girl I spend most of my free time with and we've been through A LOT together in the past two months. And I really do mean a lot of hard stuff which would break up most adult relationships. We adore one another and constantly remind the each other how much we love the other. We kiss and hug, occasionally make out and make love (roughly once a week), but apparently, at least according to her, we are not a couple. While she will enjoy sleeping with me, and even initiated it a few times, most of the time she's not in the mood.

Thing is, even though she says she couldn't live without me and that I'm the only one she truly believes loves and respects her she doesn't really see me as a boyfriend, which I sort of get, since I'm 19 years old, she's 16 and is at that age when she's extremely shallow, at least as far as boyfriends are concerned. It's not even that she's afraid of ruining our friendship.

Another interesting fact is that she didn't love any of her previous boyfriends. Add to that the fact that she is extremely jealous when I'm talking to other girls and isn't really searching for a boyfriend herself, even though she had several opportunities to get one.

Will someone help me solve this cluster of a mind? Is she just emotionally immature? Am I just a great friend to her? I really do love her and I've done things for her I haven't done for anyone in my life. We see each other every day for at least an hour, though it isn't uncommon for us to spend the entire day together on weekends.

My belief is that she does love me, that she might even be in love with me, but that she's just too immature, relationship-wise, to figure it out completely. I've also been there for her the past two months every time she needed me (note: been there for her, not ran behind her like a dog on a leash) so it might be that she doesn't realize what it's like to not have me when she needs me. Thoughts?

[aspie guy]

I think it means the obvious. You are sexually attracted to her more than she is to you. Seems like she is just not that into you, sexually I mean.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She doesn't love you, and she damn sure is not in love with you. Tell her you're not speaking to her anymore and you're going to look for someone who is attracted to you in that way. Drop her so she doesn't hold this power over you anymore. She'll try to guilt you, but don't fall for it.

[devonbrown]

My belief is that she does love me, that she might even be in love with me, but that she's just too immature, relationship-wise, to figure it out completely.

If she is too immature "relationship-wise" then she is too immature to understand what love is.

But, I will say this - if you think it is a good thing to criticize her maturity (whether valid or not) instead of dealing with the fact that she doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you, then I am afraid you have more thinking to do. Also, think about when you were 16. I am sure you think you have matured and grown in the last three years. Which begs the question, why aren't you dating girls closer to your age?

[Kafana]

But, I will say this - if you think it is a good thing to criticize her maturity (whether valid or not) instead of dealing with the fact that she doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you, then I am afraid you have more thinking to do.

I'm pretty sure that tone is uncalled for. The thing is, she doesn't want a boyfriend. She told me, twice, I believe, that when the idea of getting a boyfriend came to her she realized that she didn't need one since she already had me.

Also, think about when you were 16. I am sure you think you have matured and grown in the last three years. Which begs the question, why aren't you dating girls closer to your age?

I have matured and grown. Everyone does at that age. I didn't plan to date this girl, nor did I even plan to be friends with her, but a long list of circumstances occurred that brought us extremely close to one another and I've fallen in love with her. It's not something I chose to do nor ever planned.

[Kafana]

Just a bump...

[Starkiller]

It's just a title really. I mean, the way you described your relationship, you two are dating lol.