I have a stupid question......girl hates me

[empog]

The problem is really me if I think about it. I'm a software engineer I travel alot and I have avoided relationships because of the fear of commitment. So I will usually get fairly close, get to know the girl pretty well, and then ditch the situation because I just can't do the next phase.

So I honestly will usually get the girl to not like me or even worse hate me.

I was with this girl a few months back, I could tell she sorta liked me. Went to a few nightclubs together, then she was like ok back to the house. Long story short I ended up denying sex pretty much. We were making out for a while, she took off her shirt and really wanted to have sex.

Who does that? Well I sorta liked her and girls I always have sex with that early never turn out good, never. This is probably me with this issue seriously but yea. So the next few times we hung out, things were "cool" but I ended up making her hate me just by arguing with her and in some ways putting her down. Truly I liked her the whole time.

Dont get me wrong, shes no angel by any means either, she can have a mouth as well.

Think its even worth trying? If so what approach would be best. Sounds stupid but she feels like an ex that I dont get along with from a relationship that never even started. Weird feeling actually. I think I should have had sex, I think things would be different. That was just so awkward to have her in that situation trying to have sex and have me not follow through.

shes honestly a good person.

Thanks

[xpressurview]

ya ok but it happen everyone you will tolerant

[smackie9]

By now she thinks you are a wacko, so don't bother.

You are constantly contradicting yourself....one min. you don't want commitment, the next you take it back and want to know how to get this girl back....you are f'd in the head. You suffer from great anxiety when faced with the reality that someone may like you....probably fear of failing or showing vulnerability, not commitment. When it comes to dating, you just go with the flow, let things take there natural course and see where it takes you.......it's not that frickin hard. If things don't work out, oh well you just move on.

If you can't relax and enjoy a girl's company, and let it develop into a relationship, get therapy......seek out a professional get to the root of this before you grow old alone.

[empog]

I'm not sure if I have a fear someone will like me? Maybe fear of someone liking me and the fear of keeping it going maybe.

Not sure, your probably right I do need therapy. Or to just stop over overcomplicating the matter. Been traveling for a while for work so I haven't been able to really establish a relationship for a long time.

it sucks

[HeartIsAching]

It sounds like you deliberately make them dislike you. "Ditching the relationship", "Putting her down". Frankly, that's emotional and mental abuse. You've scared her off so no, you won't be able to get her back. One thing you might want to consider - stop blaming your job for your inability to commit. My brother maintains a wonderful marriage, and he travels far more than he's at home. It can be done, you're just not willing to put the effort into it, for whatever reason. Take responsibility for your own actions.

[empog]

I'm not a bad person, quite the opposite.

[smackie9]

You don't need to expect a relationship with every woman you go out with or sleep with. Just enjoy your time with them with no expectations.

[empog]

Since I travel alot, I goto alot of nightclubs and such, I sleep with many women.

Shes actually someone I see every week when in town, a little different

its whatever

[smackie9]

You are living the good life then.......not ready to give all that up yet for just one women.

[empog]

Again, it is what it is, I don't really call this the good life. Again traveling is a major issue for me and relationships. Sometimes I'm not even in the country which makes things very interesting.

i wil just be friends and let time heal some wounds and see if maybe anything can pop up in the future.

Thanks again

[HeartIsAching]

I'm not a bad person, quite the opposite.

You don't have to be a bad person to have abusive behaviors.

[smackie9]

If you are searching for change, then change your job. It seems to me THIS is what is actually holding you back. Life is not without risks.....sometime you are faced with the reality if you want change, you have give up something to get something else.

[empog]

You don't have to be a bad person to have abusive behaviors.

How would you go about correcting this problem? I don't do it intentionally really it just happens.

[luvleegirl]

Seems to me like you have some issues that you need to work out before you get involved with another person. It's not right to abuse people like that. You should probably leave this poor girl alone and work on yourself.

If you decide to apologize to her, make sure you're honest and sincere. Maybe she will understand, maybe she will not. Her feelings are probably hurt. Any self respecting woman would not put up with that.

Good Luck.

[Sara E. Parker]

Just move on.
Your initial impression is so bad it will never go away.