This is the first time i have written about my life in a online thing.....
about 3 months ago i ended a 2 year relationship that was toxic. We met at highschool and then reunited about 10 years later and starrted dating. it was an intense relationship we were so in love but i was completly sucked in. he would go onto my facebook and i didnt know etc, and then would make me think that people deleted me but he deleted them...he would ring/text me 24/7 i could never go out wthout him getting jealous about who i was with etc and i would always end up getting upset. he bought out a side of me that would get so frrustrated, so frustrated about not being heard in arguements i would scream, and to be honest im not like that, but i got so confused about what his point was and just so generally confused id end up suffering from anxiety and fear.
i never cheated on him. i never even spoke to another male because i was so afraid he would be upset. an example was = i was at work, he came in but i did not see him, i kept working.
him - did you see me?
me - no!! sorry
him - well you smiled at me
me - oh weird ( i start getting anxious now because i feel like ive done something wrong)
him - why did you smile at me?
me - i dont remeber smiling at you
him - well you did, do you always smile at random guys then??
me - no?
him - oh well thats kind of weird tho, dont you think?
and this would go on and on and on and on and on you have no idea... i couldnt get out of it. i never knew what to say.
anyway we are over now. but now i feel like i am dealing with anxiety issues kind of, like worried about trusting any1 again. because that realtionship used to make me so nervous, i feel like i lived in fear.
i dont want to take this with me, but how do i get through this?!