Desperate to make a decision, advice and opinions greatly appreciated x

[lylajane]

Hi everyone,

I'm Lyla, im new here and I was wondering if you could help me! Here is my situation;

I have been with my boyfriend for two years. When I met him, I was desperate for someone as I was so lonely and had never had a long term boyfriend before (I'm in my 20s). I got pregnant within 4 months and we moved in together and had our baby. Things have been rocky. I don't really love him and when I met him he was rude, had no manners, dependent on his mother, lazy and without any social skills. I have tried to help (or change?) Him and he's quite a lot better.

The problem is that I'm not sure whether to stay with him. He's slighly more mature, excellent with our daughter, inexplicably loyal and loving towards us and does everything in his power to please us. but still.. Just not mature enough for me and lacks social skills still. He embarrasses me in front of people because he always says the wrong thing. I never want to have sex with him, I don't fancy him and I don't love him in the way I should.

I do love him as a friend and I'm scared of breaking up with him incase I regret it. I don't think I will ever find someone as devoted or loving, and am scared of being on my own. I suggested to him a break and he cried, so we're back to where we were. I don't want to hurt him but I know that he will be devastated and heart broken if we break up.

What shall I do? Am I a fool if I let him go? I have a semi comfortable life as he looks after me well. I'm at the point now where I have to make a decision. I know he is going to propose next year and I don't want to let it get that far without making a decision.

Any advice or opinions greatly appreciated. Thank you xxx

[smackie9]

You don't want to marry this guy? then get out. I suggest you seek out some counseling at a woman's clinic and get info on locating a singles moms group that will help you tap into some useful resources in order for you to live on your own and to take care of the child. Next guy you meet.....go to the clinic and seek out your options for birth control. And since you both have emotional issues that I'm sure will be inherited by the child...put some money away for a therapist.

[lilmissmood]

And since you both have emotional issues that I'm sure will be inherited by the child...put some money away for a therapist.

How quick are you to judge? How do you know this child will have emotional issues? Since you can obviously see into the future and know everything you may as well tell the poor the girl how her life is going to end up!

In regards to you problem, you really need to sit down and talk to your partner about this. You are the only person that can make this decision. Don't be one of those people who just stay with their partner for the sake of the child, many relationshps break up that have children and the children are perfectly fine!! (No Emotional issues!)

But i would definately have a talk to your partner and go from there.

[smackie9]

I'm not saying the circumstances will cause the child emotion issues.....I said the child will inherit the the issues....this guy, by her words has a lot wrong with him....not to mention she is more concerned about herself, how unsatisfied she with the sex she is getting, finds an incredible amount of what's wrong with him like how he lacks social skills, is rude and immature.... but still had no problem having unprotected sex with him and only to get pregnant 4 months later and not be in love with him. She is also worried about being alone, then she thinks maybe she should stay with him and use him for shelter, as we have been told she would be giving up a semi comfortable life so there may be regret walking away from that, .....nowhere in that paragraph does she show any concern for her child's welfare or how any of this will affect the kid, see what I'm getting at? It's just speculation and is just a point of view, no one said you had to like it.

I say things like that to piss them off....but I do it for a reason. It gets them really thinking more seriously about what they just said, and their situation. She will get nowhere with telling him how she feels....all he will be a be one big emotional puddle of mess.

She is going to have to decide on her own.....she needs to take accountability for her actions.....to be an adult and stand on her own two feet for she now has another life to worry about besides her own.

[Copenhagen]

Sweetheart, he's your best friend, not your lover, and that's no bad thing. Have you considered that he's more concerned about losing his child than his girlfriend? Maybe a trial separation could be an option? It would be such a waste of your life to stay with someone you don't love (and are not sexually attracted to, which will ultimately destroy any romatic relationship you attempt to pursue), and a child whose parents are separated is hardly uncommon these days, and no one could judge you for moving on in your life and finding the right man, who may actually be able to provide better for you and your daughter. Also, have you considered how damaging it might be for your daughter to see a mother and father who don't really love each other, but are willing to play happy families? Is that the example you want your daughter to follow? Find Mr Right for now, and weather or not he makes you happy, stay with him and give yourself to him, even if you end up hating him for trapping you in a loveless relationship. Think, very, very carefully about what you do! x