Help!

[luvnewbie]

hi, it would be great if I could get some advice on what to do next!

I moved to a new country a couple of months ago and met a man through work. There was instant chemistry between us. At the time he had a partner - one he'd been with for 3 yrs. she came to visit and I met her on a night out with friends. All did not seem well between them. Before this, the man and I had spent some platonic time together. Then we had a completely innocent drink together after work. I had not made any overtures toward him at all - there was simply the unspoken attraction. I'm not a flirt, at all, and during this drink he told me he had a partner but was very cagey about it, and a little awkward with me. We had a work function a few days later and because his partner was visiting she came along. Another man and I struck up a conversation which he interrupted in a rather odd way. He seemed jealous even though his partner was present.

A few weeks later, a bunch of us workmates - him included - went out and got a bit tipsy. We went back to his for a nightcap and I ended up staying over. Stupidly I made a pass at him - he rejected me but made it clear that I hadn't made up the attraction in my own mind. We agreed to keep our distance. The following day he broke up with his partner. A week later he communicated this to me and said it would be fine for us to hang out. So we did. And the inevitable happened. He seemed certain of his decision (I asked him repeatedly) and so we began spending time together. It was lovely and very comfortable but we agreed that to save oddness around our workmates we'd keep it to ourselves for the time being. Soon it became clear that doingthat wouldn't be so simple because we were leaving places together and both felt a desire to be affectionate with each other in public. This went on for about a month. We became close and it seemed like we were developing feelings for each other. Then, after another drunken night he told me he thought things were too fast (no arguments there) and that they should slow down. I didn't react well because I was tipsy and the way he phrased things made it sound like the rush had been mine (it had not) and that he effectively wanted things to end. We had an argument because of the miscommunication and things went downhill from there. We agreed initially agreed to slow things down but he seemed like he didn't really want anything to progress so I took it upon myself to say, let's leave it. Then, I changed my mind and asked him ifwe could just see what happens. He said he didn't want things to be over, that wasn't his intent. We left each other alone for a couple of days. Then when I was out, I asked if I could pop by. More miscommunication ensued, but it was fine from my perspective. We had tentative plans to spend thanksgiving togther but I bowed out, thinking we both needed some time. The following day he called and told me he was a mess, and for the past few days had been wondering whether he made a mistake breaking up with his ex and didn't think we should see each other anymore because it was unfair to me. I was hurt but said I understood. I suppose I don't really understand what went wrong, and wonder whether I should bother to have any investment in this man (whom I had begun to fall for and who said the same of me) in the future. it probably sounds obvious but I can't shake the feeling that his decision to leave her and in turn to get back with her is somehow bound up with how I've behaved. In terms of getting back with her, I've been wondering whether this has come out of some of the turmoil that's happened between us - a stupid drunken night that could've been a rational conversation, with a simple solution. any thoughts?

[luvnewbie]

Sorry it' s a bit long, but i'd really appreciate someone else's take on my situation. There's nobody really for me to discuss this with other than friends who live very, very far away.