Now from a girl's point of view, please

[hairy1165]

I really need some advise from someone I don't know. So, about three weeks ago, I agreed to perform in a sketch performance with a friend. The sketch called for a male who would be willing to do a Chippendale's type performance on stage. Before we got on stage the actor needed some panties from one of the three ladies performing. Since the other ladies are large, I had to take mine off and go commando. The actor I have known for about five years, but it has been more of a friend of a friend kind of a thing. I had once seen him at a distance at a party, but mostly knew of him through our circle of friends. This man is very, very attractive, but that's about it for me. He is known in our city as a local Billy Bob Thorton/Matthew Mccounaughey(only from Dazed and Confused). In fact, there is a documentary about him that did the film circuit for independent films in 2010. This is how he is described " A renaissance man from the Austin underground, infamously sex-addicted NAME publishes a magazine and fronts bands, abuses cocaine while dealing weed, and writes and lives his own hilarious brand of humor as this father, felon and man-about-town must finally grow up when a crisis befalls his estranged family.The trailers for the film are disgusting. Just disgusting. The only endearing quality this man has is his incredible ability to write and his love for guinea pigs.

Recently, I found out he wanted to take me out. In fact, I found out he has wanted to for years and I apparently was clueless. I have been on two dates with him now and I cannot convince that it will not work out. I am the anti-thesis of the type of woman he is accustomed to. I cannot figure out for the life of me why he would be interested in me. On the outside, I'm a jeans/sweat pants t-shirt kind of girl. I am not a "sexy" person because I'm just to clumsy. I am a goofy type of person. That is not to say I can't be sexy and dress to the nines, but it's not a daily thing for me. Also, I don't drink and don't do drugs. I do smoke cigs. I am a very introspective person who loves the arts and writing and tend to friend people that are off the wall types. I'm from Austin, so if you are familiar with the Keep Austin Weird type, you will know.

The two dates I have been on with him have resulted in me doing most of the talking. I hate that set up. I am most comfortable when there is a balanced level of reciprocity in conversations. I have tried numerous times to discourage him, but it's not working. I don't want to insult him, but on a personal level and in terms of my intellectually snobby family, it just won't work. My family will eat him alive. I don't want that for him. He has made some changes in his life like working for an attorney, wearing suits 5 days a week, but that's it.

I tried asking him why he never has questions for me. He never has any conversation. How can someone say they like someone and have no questions. I asked him, "don't you want to get to know me." I do not want to be liked or to like someone just on face value. Am I going crazy?

Please help me find a way to politely get out of this without coming off as a pompous, arrogant ass.

Confused.

[smackie9]

Next time he asks you out just say "Bob, you are a nice guy, but I don't wish to pursue a romantic type relationship with you. Sorry to put you on the spot like this but I don't think it is fair to lead you on or anything....I like you, and I hope we can still be friends".

[smackie9]

You can also thrown in there, that he is very attractive, but you didn't feel that there was a connection between you two.

[alwaystryin]

I agree. It's nice that he's trying to make changes in his life, but you already know it won't work so there is no reason for you to hang around and be his guinea pig.

[MerryH]

Can you explain why you feel so stuck with him after only two dates? You don't need to convince him that it's not going to work out. Just don't date him anymore. Say no if he asks you out again. There's nothing arrogant about saying no to another date. You don't even need to apologize or stroke his ego. Nothing wrong with deciding it's not going to happen.

[hairy1165]

Thank you ladies. Well, I don't think I'm stuck to him. We have had two dates, but talked a lot on email/chat. You are right. I don't need to convince him. It simply doesn't feel right. I guess I was wondering, because he countered my argument that it is not going to work out, based on the "only two dates thing" as in how can you make a decision based on two dates.

[smackie9]

Thank you ladies. Well, I don't think I'm stuck to him. We have had two dates, but talked a lot on email/chat. You are right. I don't need to convince him. It simply doesn't feel right. I guess I was wondering, because he countered my argument that it is not going to work out, based on the "only two dates thing" as in how can you make a decision based on two dates.

If you don't want to date him anymore why are you talking to him a lot in the first place? You already told him it isn't going to work out and he refuses to listen so start ignoring him.

[MerryH]

he countered my argument that it is not going to work out, based on the "only two dates thing" as in how can you make a decision based on two dates.

Oh, nice. He must think very highly of himself and have a very low level of respect for your feelings and opinions. "You don't want to see me anymore? Ha, that's funny. We've only been on two dates and I'm basically a local hero so your opinion can't possibly be correct. Now stop worrying your pretty little head and have dinner with me."

Please remember that you don't ever need to prove yourself or feel a responsibility to give a man an undeniable argument as to why you don't want to date him anymore. You don't need to win a debate in order to be free from seeing him again.

[hairy1165]

Two nights ago, he started chatting with me online. This was probably, because he had exhausted every possible football game there was to watch. Seemingly innocuous to most, this in itself is a big red flag. Having been raised in the US to a foreign born mother and Texan raised Northeasterner, football was not something we did in or out of the house. I firmly believe my father only watches the last 10 minutes of the Superbowl just to make sure he has a penis. Anyway, our chat ensued another discussion of why this is not going to work. On top of that, he found a post I put on yahoo that apparently others can see; the one that I sent this forum. You would think that would have put him off, but NO. I would like to keep him as a friend because he is a nice person and we are associated with the same circle of friends. Oh, well. I guess this will die just a slow death.

[MerryH]

You're still chatting with him? Why?

[hairy1165]

I guess bc we have mutual friends. I was just hoping he would go away. I hate having to do the whole delete thing, but I guess I might have to.