Advice?

[iateyourcookie]

Well recently my bf and I had a fight because of my social anxiety problems. I simply could not talk to his friends. But I am willing to work on it. I just can't find the confidence to. I mean, I talk to them but I simply can't 'click' in their conversations.

And I told him, in the same night and conversation, that I had thoughts of suicide. It's startling, because I (think I am?) a rationale person, but I can't stop having the thoughts. So I confided in him with that, and asked that I have his patience and emotional support because I feel unworthy and unloved. He just said 'you need to find your own strength to do this' and I told him I needed his support in this. In another comment he told me to 'just get yourself fixed, I don't care how you do it'.

The whole conversation totally hurt me. I am a very very emotional person and he understands that. All I thought about was 'I poured my heart out to him - especially about my... thoughts and all he could say was I need to find my own strength?' That totally changed my perspective of him. And also, when I met him, he was also teetering on the edge of suicidal thoughts and I remember phone conversations with him when he says that he is sitting at the edge of his wide open window with his legs hanging out. I talked him out of it. That happened like 3 times and it was at the beginning of our relationship. It scared the hell out of me but I am also glad he is out of that state of mind, but now I feel like I have it, and I don't feel like he gives a damn about it. He tells me he got out of that situation that I mentioned above because of finding his own inner strength, but all this time I wonder: who has been by his side when he needs it the most?

I had concluded that I was being too dependent on him, and I'm starting to change that... but the thing that irks me most is... how can he be so apathetic about this? I may be wrong but I get the impression that he said that to just brush me off. Or is this in my head? He asks me to change but I just don't feel the support from him, and I feel so alone when I struggle to change. Am I being too sensitive in this issue? Thanks for reading this.

[whenweawake]

Guy dont like feeling like the only reason your on this earth is cause of them and with out them you might kill yourself. they dont want that stress and pressure so the try to distance them selfs. this is coming from someone with depression and has seeked help. Instead of talking to your boyfriends you need to talk to your family and get some real perfectional help it really will help. dont let a guy have that much control over your happiness. iv been right where you are and when u seek a boyfriend for help when it comes to stuff like this they will run. I dont regret getting help and i suggest you give it a shot.

[iateyourcookie]

Thank you for the advice. I had considered getting help for myself, but my emotions have hindered me.

[searock]

If he is prone to suicidal thoughts himself, he knows very well how you're feeling, and he might be afraid of getting too close to something so similar to what happened to him in fears that it will happen to him again. It's perfectly understandable. I also think you need the help of a professional, because your bf really doesn't have the skills to help you and it might end up even worse. Don't have such high expectations of him - him not willing to let you drag him back into the whole suicidal thoughts circle doesn't mean that he doesn't love or care about you. Seek help from a professional. Good luck.

[bcgirl]

when you have confided your suicidal thoughts to him.....this is pretty much putting all your load right onto him. He doesn't want to carry that big heavy burden. So ofcourse his initial reaction would be to brush it aside and hope that you never bring it up again and you can just both move forward. I know you want sympathy. But, it is not up to him to make you feel better and comfort you with things you want to hear. It's about YOU and how you can help yourself.

[Cerby]

when you have confided your suicidal thoughts to him.....this is pretty much putting all your load right onto him. He doesn't want to carry that big heavy burden. So ofcourse his initial reaction would be to brush it aside and hope that you never bring it up again and you can just both move forward. I know you want sympathy. But, it is not up to him to make you feel better and comfort you with things you want to hear. It's about YOU and how you can help yourself.

Bingo, you are responsible for your own happiness. The moment you told him you "needed" him for support what the moment that you became dependant on someone else to resolve your problems. You started this relationship while he was suicidal, and you yourself exhibit extreme co-dependance issues and clear emotional issues. You need to see a tharapist or seek professional help otherwise. Your boyfriend isn't responsible for helping your emotional state unless he is being abusive in some way.

Apathy is his way of avoiding this issue, and he has made is clear he can't or won't help you.