my Boyfriend's thinking out loud!!

[ophelia_ftws92]

Hello, I've just joined here for some advice, so lovely to meet you all first off.
Well. my boyfriend makes insensitive and unnecessary comments about famous "immaculate" women,who he is very attracted to, (very regularly i might add) which make me feel insecure, jealous and angry; angry because i feel that he is saying it to get a reaction from me; the most recent time was last night, when i was in fact trying to initiate intimacy with him, and he remarked on an actress on tv as being "hot", and her role in the program, was ironically a seductress. i felt humiliated and disregarded and like i didn't want him anywhere near me after he said it. I've told him before how it makes me feel when he does so, and he justified it as it having nothing to do with what him and i had; love and companionship, which i accepted because it made sense. But it really bothers me that he makes a point of doing so, still. I know it sounds a bit petty and insecure of me to feel this way, but it really bothers me and don't know how to STOP feeling that way! .why does he have to make a point in front of me if he finds another woman attractive and how do i not feel resentful and bitter towards him and handle the situation when he says things like that, when he makes these comments??
any advice welcome, whether of the "man up" kind, or suggestions of how to turn my perspectives around.
Hope you're all well
x

[bulrush]

If he did it once in a while, I would say it's your issue to deal with. But he does it a lot, and it makes you feel bad. First thing is, have you two talked about this? What did you say? How did he respond?

Is he ignoring the fact that he does this a lot and it bothers you?

[pisces25]

I've been there OP I know exactly how you feel. I was CONSTANTLY compared to some famous Aussie supermodel and it got so tiresome.

Anyway we aren't together anymore.

I second Bulrush's comment to talking to him and telling him how uncomfortable it makes you feel. If he doesn't respect the fact you are not happy with these comments you need to ask if he is worth your time.

[koalakitty]

He sounds really immature. My boyfriend wouldnt even dream of saying something so disrespectful to me. He should be saying how much better you are then them. I mean isnt that what love is about? I dont think anyone is better than my boyfriend, and have no desire to tell him about how fit other guys are! Next time he says something like that just tell him he isnt exactly brad pit and those women wouldnt look at him twice. Seriously, people should look and focus on what they have got before they loose it! If he doesnt stop, he obviously doesnt give a ** about your feelings and isnt worth the hassel. There is probably someone else out there who can make you feel like the most important thing in his world! xxxx

[vashti]

life is short. why are you struggling to hold on to a guy who doesn't make you feel good? the point of dating is to weed out those who don't enhance your life.

[sadie_genie]

I think he has lost attraction for you if he doesn't balance those comments out with lots of compliments about you.

[bulrush]

^^ What Vashti said. The person you are dating should enhance your life. Doesn't mean they have to be perfect, but they should not cause you constant headaches, or a reason to complain on this forum.

[bcgirl]

Ofcourse I know that guys find other girls attractive. We are all human. But he doesn't have to make comments about other women especially when you already told him that it hurts your feelings. Now he is just being plain insensitive. He probably likes to emotionally abuse you. Emotional abusers find their partner's weak points and keeps prying at them in order to make their partner's even more insecure and therefore make themselves feel better about themselves. I get extremely jealous too (i'm not insecure and know i'm sexy), but it's just my personality trait. My husband wouldn't think about making snarky remarks about other women he finds attractive around me because he knows how it would make me feel. I respect that. Why not comment on how "hot" Ryan Reynolds is.... I betcha your boyfriend doesn't have a body nearly like Ryan Reynolds. I'm sure your boyfriend would feel insecure if he was constantly compared to "hot" male celebs.

[tremolo]

If I were you I would dump this guy. There are a lot of nice guys out there who don't have unreasonable expectations of their women, and who are sensitive enough not to do dumb shit like this that would make their partner feel bad. If you're unwilling to leave him though, you can probably shut him up by turning the tables on him and, as koalakitty suggested, telling him that the women he's so besotted with wouldn't look twice at him anyway. If he's a generally a nice guy, and it doesn't sound like he is, then you can sit him down and tell him how it makes you feel. I had to do that once with my ex after he wigged out at a party and let the whole room know how badly he wanted to bed Kim Kardashian. I explained when we got home that it was hurtful and disrespectful to me, and not a good look for him, and that if he wanted our relationship to continue, he was going to have to knock it off or I wouldn't be sticking around. He responded very well, and it was never a problem again--at least, in practice.

[smackie9]

Sorry ophelia, This issue has been discussed on more than one occasion, and he is still being disrespectful of your feelings, that should tell you he truly doesn't care about you. There is no reason to stay with someone that makes you feel bad....it's not right. Even tho you love him, you can't have a relationship just based on love, you also need respect. He's a jerk, and well there is a possibility he is just keeping you around for sex.....there are guys like that....it's the only reason why they have a GF. Anyone that has any kind of emotional attachment would never say cruel things to their SO.

Like everyone has pointed out....if he won't let up, and he still makes you feel bad, leave him....it's just not worth it.

[bcgirl]

Anyone that has any kind of emotional attachment would never say cruel things to their SO.

There are emotional abusers that feed off of making cruel remarks to the people they love. They only do that to people that are submissive to them. Those that would allow them to get away with emotionally abusing them over and over without leaving.

[findlove]

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[GPLOC]

I can see the funny side, of sorts. He perhaps just has an immature sense of humour, or sees nothing wrong with 'looking but not buying', but either way, the problem is that it hurts your feelings. And you can't change that. So the solution is to talk about it. But if you can look past it, and realise that he's with YOU, that's the even better solution. Though I understand feelings of jealousy are very hard to overcome. So yea, have a chat about it.

[GPLOC]

I think what you need to realise, in fact, plenty of people need to realise, is that sometimes people have very different views on what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in a relationship. There is no right or wrong answer to this. It is just a matter of what works best for the both of you.

[GPLOC]

Another girl on another day might just laugh about it and then comment on Jonny Depps face and make a flirtatious scenario out of it.