In love with a stranger:how to meet...

[smackie9]

If you know anything about Woody Allen, he has been seeing a therapist since he was 18. He doesn't even make a decision on changing the colour of his sheets without consulting with his therapist.

[deathper]

Yes, I know about him...I'm not the same, I'm just too shy to approach a beautiful woman...Three previous women were the ones who approched me, but I didn't really like that. I prefer getting ready to be the one who will approach the woman

[smackie9]

Wow really...I'm an approacher....never had a complaint.

[deathper]

Hmm it's just a matter of different perspective... I personally have set as a goal to be the one who will approach... Other people prefer to be approached

[smackie9]

So you feel a girl that approaches is untrustworthy? possibly easy?

[Noslen09]

This looks like the start of something good. The idea of coffee at a bookstore is great too. Keep us posted about anything. Best of luck!

[deathper]

I hope that it will start thank you and I will get back with (good) news I suppose!!

[deathper]

Despite my last post, I'm here with some bad news...Christmas holidays have pass and during that time we chatted twice ( I couldn't find her online before the holidays)...So, both these times I told her to meet in real life. The first time she agreed and the second time she said that we would arrange it once we come back from holidays. Today I sent her a message, asking her to meet during the weekend and she said "it's a little bit difficult, maybe next week"...I replied ok, let's change numbers to arrange it but I got no answer...I think that it ends before it started... what do you think?

[smackie9]

Yup that is avoidance.....she is hoping you will get the hint that it isn't going to happen.

[deathper]

Ok, I got the right point...I will stop talking to her, as I don't want to get pressive...at last, it's a pity...
What I find difficult to understand is why she agreed twice to meet...she could have avoided it from the very first time...

[smackie9]

Did she actually meet you? Or did she greeded but something came up....and it never happened.

Some people do that sort of thing to pacify you.....they find it too ackward to say no.

[deathper]

She said that she intented to meet me, but in reality, as I can see now, she never wanted to...And she told it twice, very recently (last time was 4 days ago)...She could just ignore my messages, as she did with my last one, when I asked for her number in order to arrange a meet in case she had free time this week (as she actually suggested)...So I think that she refused to give me her number...

(sorry for my awful english, it's not my mother tongue. does the message above make sense?)

[searock]

I think that she has a boyfriend, but enjoyed flirting with you online. I did that too with one of my ex's, I wasn't happy at all with my relationship and this guy started flirting with me on facebook and I played along. Then he started asking for my number and asking whether we could meet, and I reacted the same way as this girl did. I stopped answering to him and didn't want to give him my number etc. Eventually I did and we met a couple of times, but we were only just friendly, a little flirty at most. Nothing ever happened between us (he was taken as well, although he was ok with cheating on his gf). Point is, I don't think that she's going to meet you since she likely has no intention to cheat on her bf (I never had that intention either, as bad as things were in my relationship). Flirting is one thing (bad enough), physical cheating is another.

Of course, she might just not be interested in you, apart from casual online flirting. Either case, you made your move (asking her out), now it's up to her whatever she decides. There's nothing you can do at this point.

Why don't you shift your attention on a girl that you know and talk to in "real life"? Make sure you know whether she's single or not straight away.

[deathper]

Yeah, but flirting means that you give hope to the other person... In any case, I would like to meet her just as friends (but I don't know if she would do that either)...
You're right, I should look to another girl in real life...I don't know any girl that I would like to get in a relationship, so I have to go out and meet some...although its difficult and I must do that for the first time...

(I really appreciate the time you spend answering my posts)

[smackie9]

If you have no experience with relationships or meeting girls, I can see how you wouldn't know the difference between someone just being friendly and someone flirting which is common for a guy in your position. Your perception is different from her's obviously.....and when it comes to asking for advice we have to work with one person's side of the story, which in some cases gets distorted from what is actually going on. You need to stop taking what you can get, even if it's empty promises. Just being friends? ya right, you would end up crying to her asking her why she won't date you.

Tip: never invest your feelings when you are not in a actual official relationship. You are not being in love like you said, you are just obsessing, and it gets worse when you know you can't have her. It's a viscous cycle...I have a feeling you have done this before. You say you don't know of any girl that you would like to get in a relationship with....well you can't just by looking at one. You have to go out on dates, and get to know them and they get to know you. It's all about compatibility, and how you get along...and not just a pretty face. to have feelings for someone takes time, and many intimate moment together for it to happen mutually.....being on the same page with that person is how it works.