Broken

[eliseknudsen89]

Hey! 6 months ago, my boyfriend dumped me after 1 year together. I've been in much longer relationships before him, but there was something special about this one. I really love him, and I miss him every day. He broke up with me because he thought I was too flirty around other boys. I didn't see it then, but now I do. A couple of weeks after the break up, he told his friends that he would never get together with me again.
Lately he's been reaching out -trying to get together, and hang out. We've hung out a couple of times, but I really want to forget him. Mainly because he's 5 years younger than me, and my parents don't really approve of him. On the other side - all I want is to be with him. I've told him that I want to try to be friends, but it's just not working out for me. My feelings for him are too strong, and every situation become really awkward.

He keeps on calling me. Mainly when he's drunk, but still...! He tells me he misses me, but the conversation always ends before it's begun. He calls me when he's sober too. And I always have to be the one to hang up. Everytime he calls he asks me what's up, and then he let me do the talking. And when I don't have anything to say, he still doesn't hang up. He's just saying "I had something important to tell you, but...I completely forgot what it was....I'll think about it...meanwhile...why don't you tell me something funny?"
Today we hung out yet again, and things developed. Since we've had sex the last two times we've hung out, I was determined to say no this time, to find out if it was ME or just my body he was after. He tried to kiss me more times than I can count, and wanted to hold me all the time. I didn't give in. I told him if this friendshipthing's going to work, he had to lower his guns, and start to act more friendly, and not like he's still my boyfriend. I don't want him to know that I miss him, because I'm so afraid of getting my heart broken yet again. I need a sign, before I can really start to open up again. But it's so hard to read him.

Before I left his house, he grabbed my hand and asked me if I ever thought that we would be more than friends again. And I got so overwhelmed that I said no, and left. I don't know how to read him. I would appreciate if someone could help me out a bit, if possible. I can't stay away from him either, because we work together. And the last time we worked, (we work in a restaurant), he dragged me behind the coffeemachine and kissed me. And today he reminded me of that. "Didn't it mean anything to you?", he asked. And I said "Whatever, I dunno. It wasn't a very 'friendly' thing to do". And then he suddenly became like REALLY friendly, calling me mate and mac and what not. And he was acting all tough and like high fived me and stuff. I just don't get it. If he really misses me, shouldn't he be able to tell me? It was him who broke up with me in the first place..!

And also, he started to talk about his ex (the one he dated for a couple of months after we broke up). And I think I showed that I didn't like that he talked about her. Because he began to tell me about how fat she was, and how needy she was (and I know for a fact, that she's a really nice girl, and not fat at all). So...

Maybe I'm just overanalyzing everything, but....I still have hope that he might still have feelings for me. So...what do you say, guys? Do I have a shot?

[smackie9]

Communication is the only way to settle this. You have to ask him if he wants to try the relationship again and work out the issues in the process.

[bulrush]

If he really misses me, shouldn't he be able to tell me? It was him who broke up with me in the first place..!

You are assuming he thinks and works like a girl, but he's a guy. Guys brains are wired differently. They are not naturally good at expressing their feelings. And, for young guys, their hormones kind of take over everything else, which puts the feelings in the back set. Now add to that how society punishes them for expressing feelings, and you have a problem.

Now you know why some women like older guys. The guys' hormones are not such a big problem, and some have learned to express their feelings, and some have learned what women really need.

So, I think he just wants sex. In your post I see no evidence he wants more than that.

p.s. You know that a guy's sex hormones peak around age 14-30, and then gradually start going down, right?

[smackie9]

The dude asked if you ever wanted to be more than friends......how much more do you need? bulrush is right, guys are not expressive....but what makes up for it is saying it like it is. Your ex should be the one on here asking the questions...because you are not communicating with him.....I bet he's pretty confused with you too.

[Tanguerra]

You're going to need to try to discuss it with him. Men find it very difficult to separate their feelings from their sex drive of course. Many of them don't really see that they're different things. When he kissed you and then asked if you 'felt it too' that's just one example. Men tend to express themselves louder with 'actions' than 'words' where with women, it's often all about the talking.

You could try a 'test'. Men like that kind of thing. Give him a 'task' to perform to show you that he loves you by his actions instead of trying to get him to talk about it (which men often find very difficult of course). For example - why don't your parents approve of him? Could there be something he could do to win them over for instance? Don't they like his haircut or ... what? Make sure you let him know that this is a test of his love that you want him to perform. If he doesn't do it, you'll know he's not serious. If he does it, then you know he really means it. Make it something difficult, but not too difficult.