what should i do?

[Daisie]

I was with my ex for 5 yrs and now we live together as roomates/friends....he says that maybe we can be together one day, but if i bring it up, he tells me "chill"...he told me the other day that he loves me with all his heart...and he says he wants me to be part of his family...then he says he'll never allow himself to fall in love with me...he also told me i was his best friend...i can't take the back n fourth..i love him but this hurts...what should i do? is he playing games?

[Wakeup]

I was with my ex for 5 yrs and now we live together as roomates/friends....he says that maybe we can be together one day, but if i bring it up, he tells me "chill"...he told me the other day that he loves me with all his heart...and he says he wants me to be part of his family...then he says he'll never allow himself to fall in love with me...he also told me i was his best friend...i can't take the back n fourth..i love him but this hurts...what should i do? is he playing games?

Start by moving out... being his "friend/roomate" is dysfunctional.. See a therapist to find out why you beg and plead for someone to love you.

[Daisie]

wow...wtf..that was uncalled for... why comment if u're gonna be a dick?

[Wakeup]

I'm a girl so that would make me a C*nt. But, putting that aside. What I said is the truth. It may hurt but you should seriously think of distancing yourself from your "roommate" You want more than "friends" and by you staying there hoping and begging, you're not giving him any reason to even miss you, never mind want you in the same way you want him. It's dysfunctional that you stay and accept the crumbs that he does give you. By staying there you're feeding your own codependency on him and you're stagnating yourself from getting over him and finding yourself a man that actually wants you and doesn't just fk with your head.

Why do you love this man? Share with us what makes you not want to leave that situation in the dust? What loving actions does he show you that makes it so hard for you to even move out and way from the dysfunctional situation that keeps you mired in emotional abuse from him? Yes, what he does when he does his push/pull routine is emotional abuse.

I hold up a mirror to your situation that's it. No ulterior motive coming from me.

You ask: "What should I do." You should leave that home and find your own. Learn to be happy on your own and capable of surviving without the help of a man that takes advantage of your feelings for him but does not reciprocate them. Sorry!

[Daisie]

very well said...I can't give u a reason other than i have absolutely no where else to go...it's something I have to figure out...

[bcgirl]

wake-ups bluntness may be very forward but it is the truth. You need to start by moving out....nowhere to go? That is no excuse.... i would rather have no place to go than stay with a person who used to be my ex/best friend for 5 years and now just a f*ck buddy on nights when he feels like he "misses" me. Don't you have any friends to crash at? Family? Save enough money and move out on your own or with a roomate (if you can't find one, craigslist is your source). He has the best of both worlds... he gets to be single, yet still have you on those cold nights when he needs a shoulder to cry on, companionship, sex and all those other things you are to him. You need to stop him at his tracks.

[bulrush]

Wakeup is very blunt, but she is right. He is using you. His words mean nothing, because he can't back them up with actions. Actions are how you tell a man/woman really loves you and wants to be with you. You sound pretty naive to believe his words but ignore his actions. We see this all the time. Inexperienced people believe their partner's words, and totally ignore their actions. Inexperienced people also believe "love will change him/her." Not true. If it takes a divorce for you to figure that out, then so be it. We've seen that too.

I hope you are both not on the lease, as that will make things much more complicated.