Issues with her body - am i superficial?

[bulrush]

Never say anything bad about a woman's body. They are extremely sensitive about it. That's the way they are. Accept this, and learn to be careful with what you say, so what you say will NEVER be construed as talking bad about her body, and you will do fine. Never talk about a woman's weight either.

[bulrush]

With regard to the implants though, even if she wants them I am not keen against any. I have heard all manner of terrible problems that can be caused by putting those foreign objects in one's body, and especially if she is going to have problems breast feeding already, implants will only make it worse.

The problems I remember were only with silicone implants, and only when they leaked. They mostly use saline implants in the US these days. If you take care of the incision sites carefully, you will have no problems.

[vashti]

Don't worry....as women get older, they will want implants.

No "they" don't, at least not ALL of us. Personally, I think they feel gross, and look ridiculous when body shapes change with age, and only think they should be used for reconstructive purposes. I'd never stick that crap in my chest unless I needed them after breast cancer.. (That being said, I think my boobs are acceptable, and I am older than your fiancee.)

Spiralknight - the appearance or size of your girlfriend's breasts does not generally affect their ability to produce milk. Milk production has to do with glandular tissue and ducts, and breast shape/size has to do with fat tissue. this probably isn't a health concern, and in fact, implants may contribute more heavily towards issues with breast health than leaving them alone.

I think you should keep quiet about this. If she is okay with her boobs, I don't think it would be right for you to give her something to feel insecure about. How would you feel if she told you she was unhappy with your penis?

[spiralknight]

Never say anything bad about a woman's body.

I agree that one should never say anything bad.. if we define bad as criticism that is either without merit, unduly harsh, or not constructive; e.g. "Your breasts look terrible!" or "You fat slob", etc

But I do believe that some measure of communication and feedback must be possible in any relationship, and that goes both ways. If I am getting fat, she is justified in alerting me to that fact. Similarly if she is gaining weight too, I think at the very least I should be able to tell her in a nice way and offer to help work things out. The question is how similar the current topic about her breasts is to more conventional feedback in the vein of weight, body odour, acceptable dressing etc.

Spiralknight - the appearance or size of your girlfriend's breasts does not generally affect their ability to produce milk. Milk production has to do with glandular tissue and ducts, and breast shape/size has to do with fat tissue. this probably isn't a health concern, and in fact, implants may contribute more heavily issues with breast health than leaving them alone.

I think you should keep quiet about this. If she is okay with her boobs, I don't think it would be right for you to give her something to feel insecure about. How would you feel if she told you she was unhappy with your penis?

Thanks vashti! I too feel that I would not want to add insecurity to her. However, eventually as I posted earlier we did have a discussion about it which she brought up herself, and from that discussion it seemed that she was unhappy but not insecure about them.

As for the health concerns thing, we have already got an appointment, this weekend we are going to see a specialist. So hopefully everything will check out. Either way I agree with you that implants are a no-no.

Finally, if ever she did indeed tell me she was unhappy with my penis, I would in all honesty try within reasonable means to satisfy her. If it meant getting some sort of extender or something (i have no idea), I would do it within my reasonable ability. That is what her happiness means to me.

[vashti]

Finally, if ever she did indeed tell me she was unhappy with my penis, I would in all honesty try within reasonable means to satisfy her. If it meant getting some sort of extender or something (i have no idea), I would do it within my reasonable ability. That is what her happiness means to me.

I wasn't asking what you would DO, but rather, how you would FEEL.

I understand that you care about this woman, but I really think this is something she needs to address on her own, independent of your input. Having a lift will put her at risk for loss of sensation and infection, and there WILL be some degree of scarring. If she decides to leave her breasts as they are, she won't ever be able to forget that you expressed some dissatisfaction with her appearance.

And for the record, there isn't really much that can be done for a small penis.

[spiralknight]

Vashti, fair enough, assuming I honestly had a small one, I would accept it as a valid comment. I probably wouldn't feel that great, but that would stem more from the misfortune of having one rather than her comment. Nevertheless, I do understand that women are more sensitive and I would not risk hurting her feelings in this manner. Since we have already brought this up and talked about it frankly, though, what's done is done, and anyway I have placed the emphasis on the medical side of the issue already.

I in all honesty did not know that just having a lift would have the effect that you describe. I thought side effects that severe came from implants, and not just cutting out some skin. That said, I agree with you the decision is hers to make, but I do feel I should help with that decision - perhaps not to pressure her into any one side, but to support her choice. This will admittedly be difficult for me to remain impartial because I naturally have a stake in her appearance.

[IndiReloaded]

That said, I agree with you the decision is hers to make, but I do feel I should help with that decision - perhaps not to pressure her into any one side, but to support her choice. This will admittedly be difficult for me to remain impartial because I naturally have a stake in her appearance.

You used the wrong adjective. You are insensitive, not superficial (tho you may be that too, dunno).

What if she wants to breastfeed her future children? Have you considered the implications of implants for that? Most (reputable) docs won't do that surgery in a young person for that reason. Besides many women gain size after a child. If SHE (and I do mean it should be her concern, not yours driving the choice), if she would enjoy implants I would counsel her not to consider them until after she has had her children.

You seem very controlling for only dating someone a year. Most breakups happen after the 2 year mark. She is young and has yet to learn the lesson about not changing yourself for another person. You've done enough damage on this issue, IMO. If you love her, keep your mouth shut and focus on what you do admire about her. Stop raising the issue.

[spiralknight]

Indi, of course i have considered the implications of implants. Precisely why my stance on it is a no-no. Check out post 19 please.

[IndiReloaded]

Sorry, I skim read. So why the medico visit? Is it solely to rule out a medical condition? If so, fine, but if the result is negative then leave the discussion at that. Otherwise you run the risk of making an issue where perhaps there was not before.

Best
- Indi

[spiralknight]

Sorry, I skim read. So why the medico visit? Is it solely to rule out a medical condition? If so, fine, but if the result is negative then leave the discussion at that. Otherwise you run the risk of making an issue where perhaps there was not before.

Yes, I am worried that the usual feminine cycles (I am terrible at describing these things) do not seem to be affecting her there in the usual way? So there might be some problem there medically. She is also concerned about the aesthetics but we are in agreement that this is only to be approached when the medical stuff is settled first.

[IndiReloaded]

Okay, good luck. I hope she is well.

[MaidenMinx]

Just to fill you in a little on what goes on in a breast lift...
actually I can't remember a lot of the procedure but I remember contemplating one and voila a few days later there was a show on tv about breast surgeries.
Anyway, the point at which I decided **** THAT! was around the time they removed the nipple and put it aside. They removed a heap of skin, decided the new breast shape and reattached the nipple. Apparently there is a scary number of women that lose all nipple sensitivity after that.

Now that I have typed nipple so many times, I'm going to have breakfast. : p

[islandgurl]

NEVER bring it up with her. Feed her fattening foods (not kidding) and let her gain a bit of weight... some women will gain in the breasts. Fatten her up a bit.. NEVER bring it up.