you know theres a famous qoute, i can't remember who said it but it goes something like this " being in love shows you all you should be". Theres also a song that says "What if your makin me all that i was meant to be" i don't remember who sings this but its quite recent. My post is asking poeple if im carzy for thinking i could ever be enough for this girl who i want to be with. We have dated twice and both times i have fallen short of making her happy, i don't blame her i have a few problems, which are OCD, a Stutter, and a lack of idenity, i also watch porn when im depressed and binge on chocolate. So i have a few demons that hold me back .. One thing i have going for me is that i pretty damm good looking, if i wasnt a handsome guy i don't think there would much point anymore. Anyway the girl that made me understand what love is rejected me for the second time when she met another guy who she is now happy with. Im happy for her that she has found a nice guy who can make her happy so i don't want to mess up that for her. We have stayed in touch and text each other about once every one or two weeks, and we also meet up twice a year. I can't ask her anymore than that, and its not right too. I always wonder what im capable of becoming, i think if i could ever change and make her happy or am i just dreaming thinking i could change. I only saw her about a week ago and she said that we "could only ever be friends" but she said that once before and we ended up dating again about a year later. My life has changed alot since i met her, before i could'nt even talk to girls, now i can strike up a conversation with anyone. But i want answers; I want to take up running, and run everyday, i want to fix my OCD and improve my speech, give up watching porn and turn Vegan also read books rarther than watching TV. These are the things i want for myself.
In the past she said "i want to see you everyday", and that i make her happy, but it's never quite worked out. I had a short 4 month relationship since her with a waitress/model, but i ended it as i felt nothing, It didnt compare at all.
So my questions, am i crazy for trying to change, thinking she could ever want me? i just don't want anymore regrets, i have tried alot to change and i know i have but can i develop more ? i sometimes think im only half the man i should be.. sorry if this is a little personal for some people but please don't judge me or her, she's such a nice girl, and more than anything i want her to be happy.