Hard to read man still hard to read

[melliebellie]

I actually posted on here a few months ago (5 months ago to be exact) because my boyfriend-to-be wasn't the best at keeping contact and seemed interested then not. Since then, we have gotten together and the relationship is actually progressing rather nicely. We just spent our first holiday together and despite being a little tight lipped at first, recently he's really started to open up to me about his past and his plans for the future. I honestly have no complaints that I can't handle on my own, save for two.

First, my boyfriend is the worst at keeping in contact. He takes hours to text back and will go one, two or sometimes three days without calling or even texting me, and seems pretty fine with it. Very quickly though I noticed that he does this with everyone (he's notorious for throwing his phone on the couch and forgetting about it). At first we were in a long distance relationship and saw each other roughly once a week, but recently he moved closer to me and it's become two to three times a week. He says that couples shouldn't see or talk to each other all the time because eventually, they'll grow tired of each other. I agree to an extent. I have no problem with time apart, I can find other things to fill my time. It's the lack of contact in between that is getting to me. A day without contact I can deal with, but more than that and I begin to worry. All I really would like is a quick, "Hey, how's it going text?" at some point during the day. I don't even care if I have to be the one to send it. I certainly don't want to seem "clingy" or "needy", so is that too much to ask? He recently opened up about his past relationship and they were together constantly and that partially led to their break-up, so I wonder how much that has to do with it?

Second, I recently found out that a week or two before we got together my boyfriend was talking to and went to see his ex. My immediate thought when I heard that was, "Oh, so I was the backup plan. Great." Obviously, it's my own insecurities creeping up. Unfortunately since I heard about that through a mutual friend, it still seems to be lingering there in my back of my mind. As far as I'm aware (and the mutual friend confirmed this) they haven't spoken since we got together and we've both agreed that cheating is a definite no-no, but I just can't help but dwell on it a little. I don't want to start any unnecessary drama, so should I just hold it back and try to move on, or should I bring this up?

Thanks for any advice!

[random bundy]

For the first part, that's just who he is, you can't change that, you'll have to learn to accept it and not worry so much over it, because (and this goes for your second problem aswell) he is with you now, so don't let your insecurities get to you.

[Boisdevie]

I have an ex. I don't talk to her. I don't see her. Because I simply don't care about her. So if he's seeing her and talking to her I'd be very worried. It's not a question of insecurities. My GF has an ex - she could not care less about him and does NOT want to see him. Message received and understood?

[bulrush]

First, my boyfriend is the worst at keeping in contact.

People have different levels of frequent contact. His comfortable level happens to be less than yours. With me and my gf, I want to see her more, but she is busy, so she needs some space and since we talked about it, I understand why she needs her space.

Second, I recently found out that a week or two before we got together my boyfriend was talking to and went to see his ex. My immediate thought when I heard that was, "Oh, so I was the backup plan. Great." Obviously, it's my own insecurities creeping up.

Not necessarily. Guys should not be contacting their ex, as it usually means they want to do something with them. The ex should be off limits to both guys and girls. Just so things don't get complicated and feelings don't get hurt.

I have several ex's. There is no reason for me to contact them. We are not together because we were not compatible enough. End of story. There's no reason for me to contact them. I don't want to see them and they don't want to see me. Although one ex I am friendly with, she is in another country. And I tell my gf when I contact her, I have no secrets with my gf. And that's how I do relationships. I don't want to get back with her, but she is one of those very nice people I like to say "hi" to once in a while. This is actually the first ex I have stayed in contact with in my whole life.

I don't want to start any unnecessary drama, so should I just hold it back and try to move on, or should I bring this up?

Why bring it up? He contacted his ex once, right? And that's it? And you have confirmation that was it. What good could possibly come of this if you bring it up now? Don't bring it up yet. If it happens again and you have confirmation from a third party, then casually ask him about it, but don't get all drama about it.

[bcgirl]

If you are his new girlfriend in his life....he should feel thrilled and excited. If you give him that butterflies feeling in his stomach and the excitement, he'd be waiting by his phone till you call or he can't wait to talk to you and so he calls you. A person who just simply doesn't care wouldn't care to check his cell phone every day, he just wouldn't care if you didn't text him or texted him....you don't want a man who doesn't care. It just means you like him more than he likes you. As for the ex girlfriend thing, if he is still seeing her that would explain everything. He is seeing his ex and ignoring your phone calls for days at a time.

[malteser]

I completely relate with the first problem, my bf is the same and I keep telling myself it's just how he is and try not to get too upset about it. Some people don't like texting/talking on the phone much. Try and look it at this way; at least he must feel secure enough in the relationship not to always have to have that regular contact, no?

The ex thing you need to forget. Don't mention it to him, he will think you don't trust him. He's with you, not her.

[smackie9]

If dating this guy makes you feel uneasy then don't date him, plain and simple. When it comes to relationships, everyones expectations must be on the same page to be sucessful....with this situation yours are not being fulfilled and now you are wondering how to cope with this problem with communication. Sex and close communication is the way you feel their commitment to you am I right? Without this it's making you very uncomfortable......not a good thing. I dated someone like that....I dumped him after a month because the relationship felt empty....I expected better and I did find better.