I dont understand, i am SO unhappy with my boyfriend, i day dream about meeting the right man who will want to be in a long term and take the next step with me, yet i find it SO hard to leave him.
He doesnt meet my needs, he is extremely emotionally abusive and has been very physically abusive in the past, he doesnt make a single effort and then complains that i dont..(i feel i make more than needed effort). I feel he uses me for sex, taxi service and an shoulder to cry on when he feels down..
I am always hurt by him and his name calling, his lying, his heartless ways.. yet i just never stick to leaving him.
I used to wish that it would just work out and he would get better, but now i just wish that i would get over him and be able to let him go.. He is high on drugs 99% of the time. Mostly pot, but sometimes cocaine and painkillers, whereas i dont do drugs at all..
I feel bad for him sometimes, wish i could help him from having to be high ALL the time.. But then other times i just hate him from the pit of my stomach..
He always says he will come spend time with me, that we can do things together but he never ends up. Always blows me off and just ends up getting high with his friends.. I am so sick of been taken advantage of..
2 days ago he had taken Oxycontins during the day while i was working.. That night we were in bed and he wanted to have sex, we did, but after an hour i was so tired and done (Oxys make it harder for him to get off) and he just couldnt finish. I said enough and he got so pissed off at me, called me names, told me to get out. I was so hurt so i told him that i was done for good.
I am here, because again i miss him, i feel SO angry at him for constantly being bad to me. I feel when i try leave him my mind plays tricks on me..I talk myself into thinking it wasnt a good enough reason to leave, that i will regret it.. that i will always be alone..
I havnt seen him since but i was hoping some of you could try talk me into sense and put it straight for me.
This has been going on for 2 years we havnt been working.. It is time to leave.. But i feel i dont have the strength to stay away when he tells me he loves me and cant lose me.. Then he begs and i always return to him..ashamed.
Any advice would be much appreciated.