"Like Crazy"

[Lulu]

I have a similar situation going on; like the move "Like Crazy". Had a magical month with a guy over a year ago and he had to go back home several states away. Haven't seen him in over a year but we text every few days to every week or so. He calls occasionally. We have been honest about seeing other people but both admit that we haven't felt the connection with anyone else like we did with each other. He recently admitted that he thinks I am "the one" but nothing it ever clear....
He is coming back to my state soon for work and wants to drive here for a few days to spend time together. I feel like he is the one for me, too but I don't know how to react to him. When I try to be his "friend" he gets upset and says- we were more than friends, we were lovers and he gets jealous. When I get mushy and tell him that I miss him it is hit or miss. I don't know what my best approach is here. I haven't slept with anyone since him and don't know if I should cause I know it will hurt so badly all over again if this doesn't progress... But I feel like a talk about progressing our relationship might be too heavy for the brief time we have together coming up. What should I do? I know he is single. He has told his family and friends about me. Please help me out, guys... what would a girl do in this situation with you to get you to want to move forward? Would having sex again cheapen the potential of our "relationship" and make him view me as a casual fling for when he is here on business? Should I hold off? See what happens after he leaves???? Ugh.

[bcgirl]

you don't even really know this guy. He was a fling for a freakin month. Yes, all your emotions and lust can go wild.....but to really love someone takes more than a month. You aren't even sure if your personalities click that much. What if you don't explore other men and then wait for him only to find out that he wasn't the guy who you portrayed him to be. That you and him disagree about many things. You and him may not have similar goals in life. You and him may have totally different hobbies. You and him may have different taste in movies, music, politics, etc. You may find that you two are incompatible when it comes to a serious relationship. The odds that he is "the one" is very slim realistically speaking. You should explore. There are many "the ones" in this world of 7 billion people. I'm sure you'll be able to connect with a good bunch of them.

[Lulu]

You may be right but I DO know all of that stuff about him.... We argue like crazy, too. We have different tastes in politics, for example but the same religious values and taste in music and movies... for example. I just would like to believe in fate and that God brought him into my life for a reason.... otherwise it is a sad reality if this is just a numbers game.

With that said and with those beliefs- I also need to find the right way to approach the situation. Face to face, in person.

[bulrush]

It sounds like he likes you, but he knows he cannot commit to you because he is so far away. Realize that if you sleep with him, some old feelings may burst to the surface, and it will be hard when he goes back home. If you can enjoy a weekend with him without letting the feelings torment you, then go for it. Otherwise, you were warned.

don't know if I should cause I know it will hurt so badly all over again if this doesn't progress...

Yes, it's going to hurt you if you sleep with him. It will not be more than a weekend fling with him. He sounds nice, but it won't progress due to the distance between you two.

[SplendidGray]

You may be right but I DO know all of that stuff about him.... We argue like crazy, too.

Listen, knowing things ABOUT him doesn't mean you really know HIM. People tend to gradually expose more of who they really are as the relationship progresses. Some people won't show you the bulk of who they are until they have you locked in through marriage. I'm not saying you should give up on it, I'm saying its EXTREMELY RISKY to move so fast with someone from out-of-town. One of warnings signs of abusive men is pressure from him to speed things up. Additionally, abusers usually are the type of guy who can come into town for a month and sweep a girl off her feet and convince her that she's "the one". I'm not saying that will be the case here, he could be great. But you need to know the price you could pay for getting this wrong, especially since none of the people who know him best are around to vouch for the type of guy he is. Just remember this: if it was "fate" that brought you together, then taking your time and playing it safe won't be able to stop from happening eventually right?

In the future, emotionally high-diving into the pool of relationship emotion through having sex and deciding he's "the one", is extremely reckless. There's no need to speculate and rush to figure out if he's "the one". In fact, the more needy and desperate we are for a relationship, the more likely we are to not see clearly and rush into a bad one.

I made the mistake of taking it too fast once. I thought she was "the one", I jumped into a deep relationship with her emotionally and temporally. Then a week after moving in together, she turned into someone else entirely. She was controlling, angry, confrontational, jealous, and no matter what I did to please her, she was always mad at something and somehow it was always my fault. Before moving in together, she was an absolute angel. She was perfect, and had a hollywood chick flick relationship. So it just goes to tell you that taking it slow is ALWAYS worth it, and if it's going to work out at all, it will still work out in a year of taking it slow.