No contact... can this work?

[sadface:0(]

My son's father and I separated about 6 months ago. It has been extremely difficult and I hate being separated from him. However, we maintained some form of a relationship over the 6 months. We were intimate, we would hang out and so on. I felt by doing so, things would get better, but they didn't. We remained in a limbo. He had is cake and ate it, too the entire six months. He got to spend time with my son and I and then go home and live a single lifestyle. So finally, after trying couple's therapy, being patient, remaining to be caring and loving and understanding that he needed his space, I've reached my breaking point. I still love him and I want to be with him so badly, but I just can't think of anything else to do, but to cut him off. I'm hoping by doing so, it'll make him realize something, being that he really hasn't been without me these past 6 months. Everything was so confusing. Our son, who is only 4 years old began to become very confused, as well. He would ask things like "mama, are you and daddy getting back together?" and ask why his daddy was only around sometimes, but not others. He even told me once that if I wore a pair of red gloves that he found while I was cleaning my closet, that it would make his daddy fall back in love with me because he believed they were magical. I feel as if I can no longer allow his father to do this to the both of us anymore. So I put my foot down. I can't go on only being partially involved in his life. I feel as if he should be a family man, or just be this ridiculous person he has become. I was very honest with him. I spoke to him and told him how I felt. I told him that i was getting as far away from him as possible, in hopes that he'd come to realize what it is that he is doing. I told him I was not interested in other people, and that i only wanted him, so that he wouldn't think I was doing this because of the possibility of me becoming involved with another guy. He didn't seem very happy about this. This is the only thing I can think of doing. Nothing else has worked thus far. I'm just wondering if anyone has successfully came out of a break up or separation, doing the no contact thing and have it work. I'm really hoping he'll come back and snap out of whatever is going on with him. The guy that I know and love is caring, respectful, honest and doesn't party all the time. Does this really work? I really need to know....

[bulrush]

No it does not work. You cannot change him. You chose to have a child with a guy who is certainly not father material, now you act like and adult and deal with the fallout.

Move on and find another boyfriend. Choose better this time.

[smackie9]

Make sure he fulfills his obligation as a father, and cut out having sex with him. It's obvious this relationship is romantically over. What I see is a man that wasn't ready for family life and you cannot force him to feel other wise. The person that really needs therapy is your son. I know it is difficult for you to try to make a 4 year old understand relationships and why things don't work out, so it would be best to seek out some help for him.

[dem862]

It's over. Get a custody agreement so your son will know his father, and move on with your life.

[bcgirl]

well i'm wondering why you decided to have a child with him when he never wanted to stay committed to you nor even asked you to marry? You can't change someone and force them to be "family oriented" when that is not what they ever wanted in the first place. If he did....he would have asked you to marry him, then you two have a child after marriage. Anyways.... if you two didn't have a child together, i would have said "no contact" forsure. But it's tough because you need to stay in contact with him because of your son you have together. Your son's mother is just as important to him and his stages of development as his own father.