How would tou react if she sent you a message like this one?

[Muse87]

I' am not asking you to judge my relationship... :-s no one here knows me or him so I don't understand how you can tell that our relationship was nothing more than sex. I know It is not. All I'm asking is what this could mean. That's all! I know him well enough to know in what kind of relation I am.

[Wakeup]

I' am not asking you to judge my relationship... :-s no one here knows me or him so I don't understand how you can tell that our relationship was nothing more than sex. I know It is not. All I'm asking is what this could mean. That's all! I know him well enough to know in what kind of relation I am.

You don't know your relationship in the least... you come here and ask about it ad-nauseum. You try to manipulate the response you want from him and he does not play that game with you.

This is what his text means: You are now broken up until he can speakk to you in person which means He will call you when he wantst to **** you again and you will let him, then it will go back to exactly as it has always been, he will pay no attention to you until he wants to **** you again and then he will call you again. Get it? You.Are.Now.Broken.Up. Don't call him and beg... it's pathetic and desparate and sad if you do.

[Muse87]

Then how do you explain all the moments, all the days we have spent together without sex? I think you don't get it, everytime I came to his town, we didn't always had sex. And even if it's the case, when you are in love, boy or girl, you always want to have sex with your partner...so I don't understand what It's doing here.

[Muse87]

and him and I have already talked about sex relationships, we both know what we are looking for. Not for sex. I know him well enough for this. And I come here because our relationship is still complicated, but I am not especially wondering about wether he's only with me for sex or not, It's not the issue. Or maybe I didn't make myself clear. I know I am not in a pure sexual relationship.

[Wakeup]

Then how do you explain all the moments, all the days we have spent together without sex? I think you don't get it, everytime I came to his town, we didn't always had sex. And even if it's the case, when you are in love, boy or girl, you always want to have sex with your partner...so I don't understand what It's doing here.

And how do you explain why unhappy you are that he never gives you time, when you come he would rather be with his friends than you, why do you need to ask why he makes you unhappy all the time?

You're currently broken up because he will not give you what you ask for.. do you not get it at all?

[quote]

and him and I have already talked about sex relationships, we both know what we are looking for. Not for sex. I know him well enough for this. And I come here because our relationship is still complicated, but I am not especially wondering about wether he's only with me for sex or not, It's not the issue. Or maybe I didn't make myself clear. I know I am not in a pure sexual relationship.

Just because you fail to understand does not make the facts disappear. You've shared enough about this man that the actuality of it is plain. You asked outright for what you wanted and he has broken up with you so that he can make you a crazy person and beg again for him to grace you with his company. You love him, he DOES NOT love you. That is the truth. Men who love you do not do what he does to you.

[Muse87]

When I come to his town, his unavailability is not due to the fact that he prefers to see his friends than me...He rarely sees them. The only reason why he sees them is for his rehearsals for his music group.

Yes I am unhappy and I get it, I understand but it's just very hard for me to admit It, that's all...so this is the main reason I posted here :-( because I still love him.
All I can do now is wait for his mail in which he will give me his "answer" with details. And regarding his text, I was just wondering if the "till then" could be a hope for our future...

[smackie9]

Your relationship expectations are not being met. In love or not, why stay if you are left unhappy. You can keep pokin a stick at it all you want, it's not going to get better, this is what you get. There is nothing wrong with getting out of a relationship if you are unsatisfied with it. I did it many times, it's not a waste of time doing so....staying is a waste of time. He is not the only one available to you to be in love with.

[searock]

You are broken up. He is being manipulative by saying stuff like "it's complicated" and "till then". Try to drill this into your mind:

if a guy is in love with you, he will do anything to make you happy.

This guy knows that you are feeling miserable right now, he knows that he could do something to make you happy yet he doesn't do it. He is NOT in love with you, no matter what he SAYS. If he were, he wouldn't treat you like he has treated you during the past months, and most definitely he wouldn't break up with you!!!! Just accept it once and for all, instead of nurturing false hopes and living in your fantasy world. Whatever it is you thought you had, it's over now. MOVE ON.

Oh and not that it matters anymore, since your relationship is now over, but just for the sake of it: the fact that yours wasn't a purely sexual relationship doesn't mean that he hasn't been using you. Emotional comfort is just as important as sexual satisfaction.

Don't even think of calling him desperately asking him to reconsider, or anything equally pathetic and weak. Move on once and for all. There are plenty of guys out there, you are young, you can do anything you want! Do you really want to waste any more time over this obsession of yours?!

[smackie9]

"till then" could be a hope for our future...

No, he meant that he may give you more explanation on why you are not to be together anymore. More for closure.


Don't sweat it, you will get over this. Relationships will come and go, this one ended and so will the next.....it's part of life and how we grow and learn...it's not a bad thing.

[Muse87]

Please don't say he is not in love with me or that he's manipulative, you don't know him so please don't judge people you don't know just because I gave you facts about a relationship :-(. I myself could never do this. Maybe you are relying on experiences you or friends already had with guys but it doesn't mean that it's the same case for me.

I know he is not manipulative at all, and I am not saying that because I love him. I don't completely agree with the fact that when a guy is in love, he will do everything to make you happy. In most of the cases, yes, ok. But sometimes you can get in the life of a guy at the wrong time, when he is very busy. He thinks he can do It but actually he can't. It was the same with his exes. He told me that his exes also blamed him for being so forgetful and not capable to manage the relationship...

He is a musician, so if you have young musician friends in couple, maybe they could tell you that they are often away but still thay love their gf? :-s
But in my opinion (and it's just my opinion, you don't have to share it if you don't agree), you can have strong feelings for your partner but not be able to manage the relationship. These 2 elements are totally different...but maybe you don't agree with me and this is why we have troubles understanding each other?

[Muse87]

No, he meant that he may give you more explanation on why you are not to be together anymore. More for closure.


Don't sweat it, you will get over this. Relationships will come and go, this one ended and so will the next.....it's part of life and how we grow and learn...it's not a bad thing.

Yes, he will give me more explanations till then. But since I texted him several times before his "decision" that I was suffering too much, he may have taken this decision "by force" because he didn't want me to suffer anymore. I'm saying this because It has already happened...

[searock]

You're right, I don't know him, which is why I didn't say he is manipulative but that he is BEING manipulative, whether he intends to or not, by not giving you straight answers and "leaving open doors". It's really up to YOU to decide to move on and live a life that doesn't gravitate around this obsession.

If a guy is in love he will do ANYTHING HE CAN to make you happy. Do you really think that he doesn't even have enough time to send you a text message??

[Muse87]

I have to wait for his mail, that's all. He said in his text message that he didn't give me a straight answer because it couldn't hold in a text message and I believe him! It's not possible to give explanations in a phone message :-s so I understand this.

Somehow, I still don't agree that if a guy is in love, he would do anything...I myself have already been in love before him and I used to be (I'm a little less now) very selfish. Even if I had feelings, I would always satisfy myself before my ex...I really don't believe that It's only a matter of feelings. For me, It's also a matter or time, and it depends of the former experiences we lived before...don't you agree?

Regarding the text message, yes of course not I don't think he doesn't have time to send me a text message...but this is not the problem here, he answered me...During our 7 month-relationship, I must have called him only twice and texted him 4 or 5 times while we were away, just because I never feel the need to get news from my bf. And I'm almost sure that If my bf had come posting here saying that I never gave him any news and that he doubted about my feelings, you would probably answer that I don't care about him and don't love him whereas It would totally wrong. Because I love him very much, and I think you got this :-s It's just my personnality. but you are right, when i feel bad because of him, i hate when he doesn't answer me because he needs time to reflect so as not to say smthg he'll regret.

Regarding his lack of time, I myself have been playing the piano for 18 years so I know what it feels like to have a big passion and when you start you can't stop so this is why I understand him in a way...It takes a lot of time and after that, you are tired and don't want to think about anything but go to bed...

[searock]

Ok then. Keep feeding this obsession of yours. Maybe we are all wrong and you will get back together and your relationship will magically become a healthy, happy one. Who knows.

Sorry to sound so harsh, it's just that it seems like we're talking to a brick wall with you. I hope things turn out ok one way or the other.

In any case, I still think you could use some counseling - whatever happens.

Just out of curiosity, what do your friends say about this situation?

[IndiReloaded]

that he must know his feelings and that if he doesn't have any, then It wouldn't need any reflexion to dump me. (because he told me in a previous message that he needs time to answer me)

Geeze. You are still wanting him to make the decision, don't you get it? Stop trying to manipulate him into acting, it should be obvious to you by now he won't. Its certainly obvious to all of us here. Decide what YOU want and act accordingly. If I were him, I wouldn't want to be with someone like you either. Make your own choices in life. If he makes you unhappy, break up. If you want to stay together, then stop whinging and accept the meager slop he sends your way. Its up to you.