How would tou react if she sent you a message like this one?

[Muse87]

I am emotive, if this is what you want to know. But don't go think that I am so unhappy. I am sorry for not being clear enough in my writing. One of my biggest flaws is to amplify my feelings. But i can live withou him. When we are away, I can live happily. The problem mainly comes from the fact that when I text him talling him I need to talk to him about our relationship because I would like to know what I can hop from this relatioship, I want him to tell me and not make me wait.

Regarding my personality, I admit I am indecisive.

[Muse87]

Ok then. It's good that you keep yourself busy then : ). If you really aren't as desperate as you sometimes sound on this forum, then I'm sure things will be ok no matter what he does. I still think that you should take the reins so to speak, and decide for yourself what you want in your life.

If what you want is to wait for him to do something, that's fair enough I guess. Keep us updated if anything happens : ).

Thank you for being understanding. I know I sound desperate in many of my posts. I will "wait" for his mail but till then, I can live :-)
He's the one to react now so I won't do anything any longer, and I will keep you updated when he'll reply to my mail. But I feel much better now that he has finally made the decision to break, for the moment or forever. But what I really wanted was to be fixed and stop "waiting". Now, waiting for the explainations is ok to me because I had the final decision.

[searock]

That's perfectly reasonable for you to want clarity in your relationship. This is one of the main concerns: it seems like he doesn't give you straight answers because he wants to keep you lingering, just waiting for him to call. Whether he does this with bad intentions is not the point - it may be because he can't handle a relationship etc, but the fact remains that he is doing exactly that, for one reason or the other. It is not good for you, it wouldn't be good for any healthy relationship. If you choose to put up with it (as you have been doing up till now), then just stop complaining about it. You should know by now that this is exactly what you get if you choose to stick with this guy. Stop hoping that some day he will change: you get what he is NOW. It's really up to you. Are you willing to sacrifice your "harmony" for this guy? If so, then... don't complain about it anymore. If not, you know what to do..!

Ok then I'm glad you got your final answer. Just make sure that it is final... he may try to say things like "I didn't do it because I'm not in love with you, I did it because I don't want you to suffer", hence dragging you back into the vicious cycle. If he says something like that and you decide to get back together with him, please make sure (for your own sake) to make clear that you are NOT going to tolerate anymore of that behavior. You have every right to have a healthy, loving relationship.

[Muse87]

Yes it is one of the main concerns. he doens't give straight answers. He told me once that he didn't know what to do anymore. And another time he told me that It was too hard to decide anything, and for these 2 times, we finally continued our relationship without any clear explaination and I think this is the main reason why our relationship remained unhealthy like you said. We don't communicate enough. And unless we decide to take time to communicate, I will always feel confused about our relationship.
As we have been in distant relationship for these past 7 months, we only saw each other on weekends, so every rare time I saw him, I didn't "want" or "dare" to talk about us because I see him so rarely that I always wanted to spend good times with him, I'm afraind I'm not clear enough? If so, tell me.

Now, I can't put with this relationship, at least for the moment. And I will not do anything anymore. I will just wait for his explainations and when I'll go live in Paris in March, then if he feels he can handle the relation, then he will come back to me. I won't. Somehow, I don't really understand the word "linger"? even with the translation on wordreference :-s

[Muse87]

Thank you for your answer. Yes he will probably tell me something like that. And I'll tell him that I couldn't tolerate his behaviour.
But again, i'm really relieved to know he took the final decision.

[searock]

I mean that it's like he wants to keep you waiting for him. Like you can't date anybody else, but have to be ready for him when he calls you. That's what I mean by lingering: by not giving you straight answers, he kept you "on hold" until *he* decided what to do next. It may be for many different reasons, but in any case it's still unhealthy, and you have every right to demand that it stops.

I understand what you mean about not wanting to "ruin" the days you spent with him, since it was a long distance relationship. That's the main problem with LDRs, issues just keep getting shoved under the carpet instead of being dealt with straight away. When you can see your partner any day it's ok to fight once in a while, but when you are distant from one another you always fear that fighting might ruin the relationship: it's hard to make up from a distance. It's a vicious cycle, because eventually the problems just keep getting bigger and bigger the longer they are not dealt with. But I know what you mean, it's almost inevitable sometimes and it's often nobody's fault. That's why LDRs rarely work out in the long run.

I agree with your "plan of action". It's up to him to eventually contact you again. Right now I suggest you just focus on yourself and try to move on.

[Muse87]

I mean that it's like he wants to keep you waiting for him. Like you can't date anybody else, but have to be ready for him when he calls you. That's what I mean by lingering: by not giving you straight answers, he kept you "on hold" until *he* decided what to do next. It may be for many different reasons, but in any case it's still unhealthy, and you have every right to demand that it stops.

I understand what you mean about not wanting to "ruin" the days you spent with him, since it was a long distance relationship. That's the main problem with LDRs, issues just keep getting shoved under the carpet instead of being dealt with straight away. When you can see your partner any day it's ok to fight once in a while, but when you are distant from one another you always fear that fighting might ruin the relationship: it's hard to make up from a distance. It's a vicious cycle, because eventually the problems just keep getting bigger and bigger the longer they are not dealt with. But I know what you mean, it's almost inevitable sometimes and it's often nobody's fault. That's why LDRs rarely work out in the long run.

I agree with your "plan of action". It's up to him to eventually contact you again. Right now I suggest you just focus on yourself and try to move on.

Well, you are 100% right...he wants me to wait for him. And it is not the first time I have this feeling. Whatever the reason is, because he has feelings or not, I admit it is selfish. And I have always given in, and so it started over and over again...untill now that he said stop because I "provoked" It.
It is exactly what you say here, he keeps me "on hold". He has already told me a few months ago that he prefered to stop because he couldn't handle this relation. So we stopped but then he immediately came back to me and wrote to me like "hey, don't forget me, i still exist". I think he doesn't want me to "move on". At least he's afraid of it.

Yes, this is what I mean, and yes it is the main problem with LDRs, which is why I'll "wait" to live in Paris and see what he'll decide to do.
It's a vicious cycle like you said and we were making abstraction of our "problems". We were too afraid to deal with them because we feared it would ruin our relation.
It was getting worse with time, i couldn't handle it alone any monger and if our couple only consists in "saving our couple", then I don't see anything satisfying here.
Anyway, whateven happens, I think I won't get in a LDR anymore. If he really wants to get me back, he will make efforts, I need acts, not words. He has already "proven" his love to me with acts so if he still feels the same way and if his feelings haven't changed, the he'll come back. But till then, I have things to do too... :-)

[searock]

That's the right attitude ; ). Keep us updated : )!

[IndiReloaded]

Ugh. I would be so turned off by you. You still want him to choose for you. To be clear: I said *you* are being manipulative, not him. Inaction is a kind of manipulation, depending on the circumstances.

Anyway, most LDRs are death. If you want to waste your energy on this, well chacun a son gout.