a question for you guys

[vivaldi]

It's kind of sad to think that a lot of (if not all or most) guys could have sex with anyone that's a female even if he has no feelings towards her. My ex-boyfriend, whom I've been broken up with for 3 years already and has a girlfriend, would sleep with me if he had the chance. He's the one who broke up with me and according to him, I'm just a friend, but he still makes advances every once in a while. Why?? I told him I can only see him as a friend...I have no attraction towards him at all, and if he feels the same way towards me, how can he sleep with me without being grossed out? Because I know I would. I lost all my attraction towards him. Anyway, this part doesn't really matter...I could care less about my ex. It's just sad to see that guys are like this...how would you know if a guy sleeps with you because they actually like you and find you attractive, and not just because they're "horny"? In order for me to sleep with someone, I have to feel chemistry and attraction. Otherwise...there's no way I can see them in that way.

[vashti]

how would you know if a guy sleeps with you because they actually like you and find you attractive, and not just because they're "horny"?

A guy who is interested in you will show sustained interest, despite lack of sexual activity. In other words, make them wait for sex, and if they still come around, they like you.

And no, I'm not a male.

[vivaldi]

A guy who is interested in you will show sustained interest, despite lack of sexual activity. In other words, make them wait for sex, and if they still come around, they like you.

And no, I'm not a male.

You're completely right. But, what if you've already had sex with them?

[vashti]

He has a girlfriend. Unless he dumps her, he probably likes her more than you.

[Bonfire]

It's just sad to see that guys are like this...how would you know if a guy sleeps with you because they actually like you and find you attractive, and not just because they're "horny"?

Find yourself a "nice guy". They are very loyal and they would absolutely fall in love with you for you. The clue in detecting a real nice guy is they are usually single because girls tend to go for the jerks. They are quite shy and nervous around extremely attractive females. They don't play games and are usually very thoughtful and remember everything you like. And they don't try to rush to have sex with you. They don't mind waiting and taking the time to get to know you. They will be there when you need them. They can be socially awkward and have only a few close friends. They are not big into parties or clubbing. They tend to wear normal clothing instead of dressing sharp.

Now if you find a nice guy, would you really choose him? Most girls tend to place nice guys in the friend zone after realizing there's no chemistry and attraction. Nice guys are clueless when it comes to pushing the right buttons and saying the right things to built chemistry with females. So they end up alone and heartbroken and wonder why all these girls keep choosing jerks who will likely cheat on them and then complain why all guys are pigs.

I think it's kind of sad to think a lot of (if not all or most) girls can't find a guy who is genuinely thoughtful, sweet, and caring as sexy but find the egotistical guy who shows confidence and charm, who have had plenty of women before them as sexy. Women also tend to pick guys who is financially successful more so than if he has a heart of gold. Where as the one nice guy who can truly love them, they find him repulsive.

[Boisdevie]

It's very simple. He broke up with you. He has a girlfriend. He wants to have sex with you from time to time.
TELL HIM TO FARK OFF.
And find yourself a boyfriend.

[vivaldi]

About my ex, this question isn't really about him. Like I said, we broke up 3 years ago and I have no feelings towards him at all, in fact...I'm repulsed. Which is why I wonder why someone who has a girlfriend and apparently has no feelings towards me can still have sex with me. I find a lot of guys are the same...
As for the "nice guys", you're right. I've met plenty of nice, sweet guys who respect me and treat me wonderfully. The guys who call and ask me out consistently, give me their full attention, remember every detail of things I say, text just to say "hi", etc. And I've met the jerks as well. However, I'm looking for someone I'm attracted to and crazy about but at the same time treats me with respect and is thoughtful and sweet. It seems most guys fall into either one of the categories. But I'm not giving up. I'm not going to settle, I'm still young, and I know eventually I'll find someone who ticks all those boxes.

[HDBadger]

About my ex, this question isn't really about him. Like I said, we broke up 3 years ago and I have no feelings towards him at all, in fact...I'm repulsed. Which is why I wonder why someone who has a girlfriend and apparently has no feelings towards me can still have sex with me. I find a lot of guys are the same...
As for the "nice guys", you're right. I've met plenty of nice, sweet guys who respect me and treat me wonderfully. The guys who call and ask me out consistently, give me their full attention, remember every detail of things I say, text just to say "hi", etc. And I've met the jerks as well. However, I'm looking for someone I'm attracted to and crazy about but at the same time treats me with respect and is thoughtful and sweet. It seems most guys fall into either one of the categories. But I'm not giving up. I'm not going to settle, I'm still young, and I know eventually I'll find someone who ticks all those boxes.

Translation: I want my guy to be nearly flawless in every way, even though I'm not.

[Incognito]

@ vivaldi: Just because you asked this question makes me think that you are younger. Most ladies figure this out before they even get out of high school. Assuming that you are a tad young I can tell you that you [will] go for the jerks and you [will] be hurt by them in various ways. The question you really have to ask is are you willing to look past a male's exterior to find one that is really worth keeping?

It's like having two rings in front of you. One is shiny, golden, and absolutely beautiful. Then you have another, less attractive ring that looks like a dull, tarnished silver. Will you go for the shiny one just because of how it looks, only to find out that it is absolutely fake? Will you put some effort into polishing the other one and find out that it is actually solid platinum that just needed some work? It's up to you.

[Incognito]

Translation: I want my guy to be nearly flawless in every way, even though I'm not.

I've got to agree with this summarization... Rep for you!

@ vivaldi: You will never find someone who "ticks every box", and if by some miracle you did, why would you think that you "checked all of his boxes"? That's not how the world works. It's all about compromise. Best to learn that now.

[vivaldi]

@ vivaldi: Just because you asked this question makes me think that you are younger. Most ladies figure this out before they even get out of high school. Assuming that you are a tad young I can tell you that you [will] go for the jerks and you [will] be hurt by them in various ways. The question you really have to ask is are you willing to look past a male's exterior to find one that is really worth keeping?

It's like having two rings in front of you. One is shiny, golden, and absolutely beautiful. Then you have another, less attractive ring that looks like a dull, tarnished silver. Will you go for the shiny one just because of how it looks, only to find out that it is absolutely fake? Will you put some effort into polishing the other one and find out that it is actually solid platinum that just needed some work? It's up to you.

Translation: I want my guy to be nearly flawless in every way, even though I'm not.

You're both wrong. I have a lot of self-respect and a healthy outlook in relationships. When I sense a guy is a jerk and my gut tells me something's not right, I get out. I don't allow myself to be played or treated like crap.
As for "compromising", I also don't agree. I've been with a guy before who "ticked all my boxes" in that, to me, he was the perfect guy- I was attracted to him, he was sweet and respectful to me, and our relationship was overall a great one until things had to end. I don't get why people say you have to "settle", it's not like I'm 50 and lonely. I'm also not delusional or being unfair as in I know I have a lot going for me as well...it's not only about what HE will do for me, but what I bring to the table as well. Trust me, I know.
When I say I need to be attracted to a guy and feel chemistry, people automatically assume he was to be a perfect 10 in terms of looks...and that's not it...he has to be attractive TO ME.
Another question in regards to your first comment....would you really want to be with a girl who was only with you because you were "sweet, nice, respectul", but had absolute no attraction towards you at all? I know I wouldn't!

[vashti]

Translation: I want my guy to be nearly flawless in every way, even though I'm not.

So what? Who doesn't want that?

[VincenzoG91]

In answer to your original post, guys are generally more interested in sex than women, and most guys don't require emotional involvement to enjoy the sex. That's just how we are. As vashti said, make a guy wait for the sex, and if he is still interested, then he is probably interested in you as more than just a sex partner. And if it seems like most guys you meet are either nice or attractive to you but not both, you are probably still stuck on the bad boy type.

[Boisdevie]

As vashti said, make a guy wait for the sex, and if he is still interested, then he is probably interested in you as more than just a sex partner.

Or he'll get bored and think you're some frigid virgin who doesn't fancy him.

[HDBadger]

So what? Who doesn't want that?

Uh, people who are realistic.