I love my boyfriend, we've been together for almost 2 years now. I realized a lot changes in 2 years though. I am learning what I like, what I don't like, what I want in a relationship and what I don't.
At first everything seemed so nice with him, and lately for the past few months there have been some rough spots. I suppose all relationships have ups and downs though. But I'll get frustrated with how he seems to disregard my feelings sometimes, things he'll say, or things he'll do.
On another note of what can frustrate me, he's 18 now, and his mentality just is so immature at times. He's been suspended from school 2 times since I've known him. One was for "sticking up for me" the other was an "accidental reaction to being scared" and now he is suspended again for a 3rd time. Why? Because here's what happened: some kid was throwing something at him on the bus. My boyfriend has reported this before but the kid still threw things regardless of the report. I've advised my boyfriend to ignore the kid or at least to be consistent with reporting it so it can be taken care of in a mature way. My boyfriend only made one report on the kid. A few months goes by and hey, what do you know, it's Friday, February 10th. The same kid starts throwing things again and this time it aggravates my boyfriend. What does he do? He storms to the back of the bus and punches the kid dead in the face making the kid bleed. Kids held him back to tell him to calm down. He texted me telling me he got into a fight and i asked what happened. For 40 minutes he didn't get back to me and I was worried so I nervously went to his house myself to see what happened. I found him crying about the incident because he was "heart broken" because he said it upset him how everyone looked frightened when he was mad and that he didn't want to be a bully. He asked me if I thought he was a violent person. I asked "well why didn't you stop yourself then?" and he said to me "I was always bullied. I thought me hitting the kid was a way to stick up for the little boy I once was who never could stick up for himself". I mean I understand how hard bullying is, I was bullied growing up too. But I let those grudges go and moved on. I don't let people get to me anymore. And he seems to still hold onto those grudges and be resentful/bitter. There's ALWAYS pricks in the world, but you can't just punch everyone who is annoying or an asshole. You get to a certain point where you just grow up and realize there's better ways to handle things than that. But my boyfriend saw it as self defense which was completely idiotic because the kid was throwing small objects like pencil erasers, my boyfriend threw his whole fist in the kid's face and made him bleed. After his father talked to my boyfriend and after I talked to him too he seemed to feel bad about the situation and agree that what he did was wrong.
For some reason today he completely changed how he saw the situation and his overall perspective. I said how he's suspended and he told me things like "I really needed this break. I deserve it" I said "it's unfortunate how you obtained this "break" I'm not happy that you're suspended" and he told me "well he got what he deserved. I'm not happy about the suspension but I look at it positively" and I asked "how is ruining your reputation positive?" and he told me "from my point of view he was evil and I'm good. So I see nothing wrong with him being hit. Look at it this way, if no one helps you, you have to help yourself. And I did. It took me a while to realize this but I was a better person from the start. I never bully anyone so I deserve to. Sorry, I respectfully disagree."
And that just blew my mind. He said he never wanted to be seen as a bully when this first happened Friday, yet now he is apparently telling me what he did was justified. I love him but this scares me. I think I have every right to be scared too, right? I mean what happens when he is at a job, and I'd be with him, trying to start a future, and he'd get mad at a coworker, a customer, or his boss... Would he just punch them in the face if they were being pricks too? Or me!? What if he becomes so angry that he can't control himself and then just hits me too? I don't want to have to worry about that, but his mentality and the way he thinks what he did wasn't wrong makes me believe something like this could happen. I'm 19 years old now, I'm getting older, I know what I want in a relationship... And I don't think this is it. It's like I still love him but I don't know what to do or what to say to him. Advice?