I am so lost and a bit hurt. What does she want?

[Xeros]

I'll try and keep this as organized and non rambly as possible.

Who's involved?

Me:
24 Year Old Male
Multiple prior relationships. Two of which were fairly serious.

Her:
22 Year Old Female
Multiple prior relationships. Two of which were fairly serious as well lol.
Last relationship ended May 2011 after 3 years. She had moved across the country to be with him, but moved back home after she dumped him.


History/Background.

We met in August of 2011 and since then have not gone more than two days without seeing each other, and not more than 12 hours without texting/calling. Our first real date (we had met for coffee the day earlier) was with some mutual friends and instead of talking to the group, we ended up sitting alone together at the bar having amazing conversations. We talked from 10 pm to until the bar closed at 2 AM. I don't think there was ever any silence or awkwardness. We were so comfortable with each other that she ended up spending the night at my apartment where we ended up having sex. The next night she came over to my place to watch a movie since we were both tired from staying up so late the night before. We were a bit less talkative because we were tired, but we still were very comfortable with each other and she fell asleep in my arms for the rest of the night.

Like I said. I see her almost every day and we have a lot of fun together. We talk about anything and everything.

....so what's the problem? Why am I posting?

WTH is going on?

That second night at my place was the last time either of us were at each other's place and it is also kind of the last time we were even intimately alone. After having sex the second time we had ever even seen each other we have not done it again in the 7 months since. No sleepovers, no movie watching cuddled on the couch, no makeout sessions, etc. I ask if she wants to come over to watch a movie or do anything else just the two of us constantly. She almost always has an excuse ready to go.

However, I do see and talk to her constantly. I go out with her pretty much every night and we have a lot of fun. Bars, clubs, restaurants, road trips, parks, zoos, etc. What's the catch? She always always always brings at least one other person. 90% of the time this person is her 19 year old sister. Other times it's her friends. So every night I end up in a car with 2-4 girls. One of which I have a massive crush on. And it's not that I don't like the other people, I actually really like them as friends. They just get in the way.

When we're all out, the girl I'm interested in tends to pay more attention to her sister and friends than me. She walks next to them instead of me, talks about gossip and inside jokes with them that I don't know, hugs and touches them a lot while pretty much never touching me, and more than once she has walked right past me and sat on the couch next to her friends even though I'm on a Love Seat with an open seat right next to me. Needless to say this kinda starts hurting after awhile.

There is one place that I get alone time with her. Every night when it's time to go home we drop everyone off and always save her for last. We almost always sit in her driveway in my car talking and listening to music. Anywhere from 30 minutes to 4 hours with an average of about 90 minutes. Needless to say I love this time. We talk about anything and everything, including pretty private feelings and thoughts. She's talked about the passing of her mom and broken down in tears and then I'd rub her back and she would seem more than fine with it.

We also talk about our relationship a lot as well. I have made it very very clear that I want to be with her. From the beginning she has told me that she just isn't ready yet due to the problems with her most recent relationship. However, when I ask if she likes me as more than a friend and if she is attracted to me she always says definitely. An emphatic "Yes.". I have also asked her if she sees us being together in the future when she is ready to be in a relationship again and she again says yes. We're pretty close and very comfortable around each other. We also always hug and kiss when leaving each other.

We're as close to being in a relationship as you can get...but for some reason I cannot seem to get her to really show that she cares for me like she says she does.

Quick Facts

-She almost never initiates physical contact. She has never run up and hugged me, never puts her head on my shoulder, never holds my hand, never cuddles up when she's cold, etc. However, when I initiate a goodnight kiss or a hug she is always pretty receptive. Never once trying to get out of it.

-The really weird thing is that she is very physical with her sister and friends. She hugs them, tickles them, plays with their hair, and even cuddles in the backseat of my car with them. It's like a cruel joke. I want nothing more than to hold that girl in my arms and here I have to watch her cuddling with her 19 year old sister and/or friend.

-Whenever I invite her to go somewhere, she tends to wait until I'm just about ready to come pick her up and then she will ask if her sister can come with. I'm not going to be a jerk and say no, so I say yes and we have another night of me driving them around while I watch with envy. It's nothing sexual at all, just close sister stuff, but it's very aggravating that I can't even get a hand hold. Sometimes she won't even ask if she can come, I'll just get there and they'll both get in the car. The only alone time I get with her is in my car sitting in her driveway at the end of the night. An hour or two that I've grown to really enjoy since we're never awkward and conversation comes easy.

-She insists that she really likes me and sees us being together in the near future. At one point she even said she was feeling ready for a relationship again.....that was 3 months ago. I've told her my concerns about her rarely showing any signs of interest in me other than when I initiate. She just says it's not true and that she does really like me and that she wouldn't hang out every single day for months and months if she didn't like me. I've also told her that if she ever realizes that she never wants to be with that she must tell me immediately to keep me from being strung along and hurt. She said she would if she ever felt that way, but so far has not.



I rambled a bit, but I am so lost and confused beyond belief. I have never met someone I liked as much as her. Nor have I met another girl where I feel completely comfortable in talking and being with. What is the problem? I do a ton of favors and other things for her because I enjoy seeing her smile, so it's not like I'm in it for the wrong reasons. I truly care about her and she knows that.

What is she thinking? Does she think I'm not good enough? Someone clue me in because I've never had this issue before.



Thanks

[oldskool83]

your a cuddle friend, persue somone else.

[Xeros]

your a cuddle friend, persue somone else.

A cuddle friend who she never ever cuddles with? Explain that one. She cuddles with her sister right next to me, but never with me.

[oldskool83]

you humped her, she got alil close, then she stopped. your her male best friend prob. i dont see it going anyware. if she really wanted to be alone with you she would not have ppl all around her. and shes 22...i say women under the age of 25 are just an extension of 15 year olds.


next

[smackie9]

She gave you a shot, tested you out, then decided she isn't that into you or the sex sucked. When they start making excuses or have friends around to c ock block you, it's means they are not interested. She doesn't want a relationship with you. That is what dating is all about, you talk, hang out, go out on some dates to see if there is any chemistry, and even check out if you are sexually compatable. There is nothing immature about that. You just struck out.

The problem with some people, they can't handle rejecting people, or be honest, but rather just avoid it instead because it feels safer to do so. Also just because YOU feel a connection, doesn't mean they feel the same way. Sometimes you appeal to them at first but along the way the attraction wears off.

[Xeros]

....so why does she continue hanging out with me? She calls me and asks if I want to do something. She kisses me every night. She is a brutally honest girl to the point that it gets her in trouble sometimes, she would tell me.

She texts me every morning, throughout the day, and when I get off work she always asks if I want to go out that night. She is not the type of person to feel bad for turning someone down. She has guys hit on her all the time when we're out and she flat out tells them off. There is no way she would continue to go out with me every damn day for 6+ months if she had no interest...

[Red Apollo]

There is one way. That way would be if you were in the friend zone. She probably actually really likes being around you, problem is she doesn't like you in the same way you like her.

Look at it this way, There is no way you would go out together for 6+ months and have absolutely nothing to show for it if she had interest. The no sex thing pretty much solidifies that. You are wasting your time with her. Time you could spend looking for someone who actually wants you.

[Xeros]

There is one way. That way would be if you were in the friend zone. She probably actually really likes being around you, problem is she doesn't like you in the same way you like her.

Look at it this way, There is no way you would go out together for 6+ months and have absolutely nothing to show for it if she had interest. The no sex thing pretty much solidifies that. You are wasting your time with her. Time you could spend looking for someone who actually wants you.

And why does she kiss me? Why does she flat out say that she see's us together once she is ready to get back in a relationship?

The vast majority of advice on this forum always ends up being "Leave her/him. Try someone else." Seems kinda lazy to me. Giving up on someone you really like when there is obviously some level of caring there that could possibly be developed. I dunno. Her not seeing me as relationship material has never even crossed my mind. She's told me that she does. I posted to try and figure out what to do to get past these problems and hopefully make things happen faster. I've never heard of someone constantly calling/texting, going out every night with, kissing goodbye every time, and inviting over to family holidays if there is no romantic interest.

[VincenzoG91]

She calls me and asks if I want to do something.

1. Tell her that you want to have sex with her again.

2. When she says no, make her explain why not.

3. Politely listen to her explanation about not being ready for a relationship yet.

4. Ask her how, aside from the sex, it would be different if the two of you were in a relationship.

5. Politely listen to her nonsensical explanation.

6. Start dating other women.

[Xeros]

And here I thought the cro magnon male was just a stereotype....


That's pretty pathetic IMO. Dumping a person you like because they aren't at the same place you are at a certain point in time. Wow people are lazy. No wonder so many people get divorced.

[Red Apollo]

I've never heard of there being romantic interest when a girl makes sure she isn't going out alone with you, ignores you for her friends to the point where it hurts you, and avoids physical contact except for a nice little kiss at the end of the night. For six months.

You have told her how you feel, she knows. There isn't anything you can do to speed up the process. If she is really telling you the truth, that she is horribly hurt from some past relationship (Never heard that one before!) then there is nothing you can do to speed things up. She has to do it on her own time, with her own terms. I personally don't buy it. She had sex with you before, now all of a sudden she is hurt by her previous relationship issue. She either didn't like it, went lesbian, or just realized she wasn't attracted to you as much as she thought. She wont even cuddle with you and watch a movie bro. That is just off.

Also, giving up is far from lazy when it comes to these kinds of things. There are some people who wish they had the strength to walk away. They stick around and keep going back for more abuse and disappointment because of that sliver of the "things will turn out perfect" thought in their head. Much harder than putting it in cruise control and hoping for the best.

[VincenzoG91]

According to her, you two aren't in a relationship right now. So it wouldn't be cheating if you started dating somebody else. And there is even a chance that she might suddenly get interested in you when she finds out that you're seeing someone else. So you have nothing to lose and everything to gain from dating someone else.

[smackie9]

Women want the man to take the lead. Have some balls and tell her what you want to do to her (sex), she wants to be desired and be chased....stop being a pussy.

[oneandonly]

It's not really people being lazy but gaining some control over the situation.

You are not obviously happy. You have voiced your concerns but nothing seems to change. What more do you want the rest of us to tell you? I don't see how you can speed things up when she is clearly not ready for what you want.

You either learn to be happy with whatever you gain from this and wait or get out.

Dating other people doesn't seem to be a terrible idea. You both are not exclusive. There is a chance that she will be more proactive towards a relationship with you. If not, you know it at least and have other things going on. That's not a bad thing. Don't be too available for her. Let her know that you are dating other people as you cannot wait around.

[Cerby]

The vast majority of advice on this forum always ends up being "Leave her/him. Try someone else." Seems kinda lazy to me. Giving up on someone you really like when there is obviously some level of caring there that could possibly be developed.

The advice is given because its usually true. A good relationship won't need you to post questions on this forum wondering why its been 7 months since you had sex with this girl. The truth is that you're not getting what you want, and that means you're not happy. Don't stay in a situation you're not happy with.

I posted on here about my ex a lot thinking that our problems were repairable, and they weren't. I haven't posted a single time with my current gf, and its been 8 months. Note we also have sex, something you're not having any of.

Relationships should take some effort, but when its effort to get even the most simple relationship pieces, then its just not worth it.