Fell in love with someone online

[nicole77]

So I am currently in love with this guy that I met online but it's a complicated situation. I would prefer not to love someone that I never met, but I can't really get passed it. It was just something that happened and I wasn't looking for love online. So anyway, here is a little bit about my situation.

I was randomly talking to people online five years ago and started talking with this really cool guy. We started talking on a regular basis and became really close. We shared everything with each other and began to have feelings for each other. I found out he had feelings while I was dating another guy and he told me that he loved me. We continued to talk but still continued to date other people and get on with our lives separately.
Last year I was studying in Europe and he planned to meet up with me. At that time, things were a bit complicated schedule wise for me and I was nervous about meeting him. I thought if I met him and hit it off, then when would I see him next? What would happen from there? I let my fears get in the way of actually meeting him and I knew he was pretty disappointed about that. I made plans to travel back to Europe again in about a year and told him I wanted to meet up then. After I returned home he become a little distant and we start to argue about stupid things. We were not talking as much anymore and after about a month I found out he was dating someone. After that, we actually stopped talking for about 5 months and recently just reconnected.
When we started talking again he told me he recently just got engaged to the girl he was dating. He has made some comments about the engagement which seems a bit off and then he went on to tell me he still loves me and has feelings for me. He also told me he has sexual thoughts about me. After that, I told him it's best that we don't discuss those feelings because he is in a relationship with someone else and plans to get married to her.
I am at the point with I don't know whether we should stay in connect or just cut all ties. I really don't want to loss him in my life but I know that it may be for the best.
Any thoughts or opinions???

[Saya]

Personally, I would stop talking to this guy.

[miffy]

I can definitely relate to falling in love online. I don't think it's unusual, and it's possible in any case. What you make of it and how the two people involved deal with it is another story. It's obvious that for whatever reason, the two of you just never got down to it and found out how much is really there. Because let's face it (and I'm in an online situation right now myself), you can feel incredibly close to someone over a distance, yes you can even fall in love. But you can't know whether it will actually work out and whether those feelings will hold up in "real life" until you try it. So as I see it, you've both been a bit hung up on the idealization of each other, and have never gotten around to actually putting that ideal to the test. You're imaginations have painted you into a corner where your each other's possible "dream partner", maybe. It's definitely interfering with both your lives. As you say, he got engaged, but he still yearns for you, a woman he's never met. You have two choices: either finally meet up and find out how much is really there, if you want to. Or break contact and stop messing up each others lives. It's been 5 years. You've had ample opportunity to act on these emotions you have for each other. He's engaged now. Either try it out or leave it and move on your separate ways.

[Amber2011]

Miffy's right. You can't tell how well you'll get on with someone until you actually meet. Recently I had been talking via e-mail and phone to a guy I met on another dating site. We had loads in common so we met. He gelled...I didn't. I wondered (and still do) why two people with just about everything in common couldn't gel. The bottom line, I think was that although I liked him to talk to online and on the phone, in reality I didn't fancy him. He also came on too strong, wanted to dive into a full-on relationship without really getting to know each other first. The thing about internet relationships is it is easy to paint a picture in your mind of a person but the reality can be totally different - and disappointing. The chemistry might seem to be there online but when you meet in the flesh it just isn't there. My advice is not to contact this man again except perhaps once to say goodbye and wish him and his fiancee luck then move on with your own life.

[smackie9]

You had your chance to meet him but you fear too much he isn't going to be what you thought which the possiblillity for that is pretty high. It's true that knowing someone over the net and irl are two totally different things. Internet relationship are 20% reality and 80% fantasy. Not only that, the reality of it is that you can't be together, it's not practical, you both have your own lives in different countries. It's time to finally cut the cord and continue on with your lives, because staying in contact is a worthless endeavor.

[nicole77]

You guys are right, I haven't really stepped back and thought of it in that way. Thanks for the advice