Time spent with SO - opinion needed

[Anonymiss]

Hello, I am new to this forum. I'm writing today because I'm not sure if I'm being oversensitive or not. I'm a female in my early twenties and I've been dating a man the same age for over a year. We live in the same quadrant of the city. When our relationship began I would see him on Friday night for ~4 hours and then on Saturday evening for ~5 hours. The time spent together on Friday is often less than that because he chooses to play sports after he's finished his school work. We would also talk for a little over an hour every night. The problem I'm having with this is that as our relationship has progressed we haven't spent anymore time together. It's the same EVERY week unless his sport-activity is cancelled.

I have a very busy schedule with a job and school, he also is very busy with his academics. In short, we are both busy. Despite this I think we could be spending more time together. I don't know how to bring up the subject. He obviously doesn't want to spend more time with me, if he did he wouldn't play sports every Friday night. I'm not sure I want to date him for the next few years if this is all I'm going to get every weekend.

What do you think? Would you be satisfied with this arrangement?

[oneandonly]

I don't know why he has to choose either spending time with you or playing sports. It seems healthy that he has something he enjoys doing. It's not like you are not spending time at all. His enjoying playing sports doesn't mean cos he doesn't want to spend more time with you. He simply enjoys sports as much as he spends time with you.

That being said, if you don't feel fulfilling in a relationship in any way, you should definitely talk to him.

I personally would be happy with what you have. I mean, we are all busy, aren't we? But each person's expectations are different.

[shasta]

I feel communication is the best course of action in any relationship. If something is continually bothering you, talk to the other person about it. This is bothering you, so if you don't talk to him you might build a wall in the relationship (consciously or unconsciously) and it will affect the relationship. If he cares about you he will listen. I'm not saying that he should change or give up his sport for you, but maybe the conversation will reveal a solution or compromise, or you might just feel better about it once you talk to him and tells you how much he cares about you.

Another thing to consider is you finding a hobby or something nice that you do for yourself during the time he is playing sport. It could be your you time to do something nice for yourself. We all need that time and why not match it to his schedule to make things better on both ends... Plus people are always much better to be around if they do these things for themselves, for him it sport... you might not enjoy him as much if he doesn't make time to do this.. so in a way he is doing it for you and the good of the relationship.

[Anonymiss]

Thank your for your replies. Please understand that it isn't just the sport. I am primarily concerned because as our relationship is progressing we aren't spending anymore time together. If this were graphed I wouldn't expect it to be exponential, or even linear but I figure there ought to be some marginal increase. Usually after two, three or more years of a relationship you are spending more time together than the first six months. I am not against giving up a sporting activity or hobby either it's more the scheduling that's vexing. By all means, participate in your sport; but must it be on one of the two days that we can be together? I enjoy being creative and making art, I enjoy reading and playing computer games but I don't reduce time with my boyfriend because of it. These activities are not of a higher priority. I do not say "can you come over two hours later, I want to raid a dungeon in WoW?". I'm sure if I did say what I quoted it would be frowned upon and likely not received well.

[IndiReloaded]

If this were graphed I wouldn't expect it to be exponential, or even linear but I figure there ought to be some marginal increase.

LOL. I predict this is going to look rather gaussian and soon. You sound high maintenance.

[HeartIsAching]

Thank your for your replies. Please understand that it isn't just the sport. I am primarily concerned because as our relationship is progressing we aren't spending anymore time together. If this were graphed I wouldn't expect it to be exponential, or even linear but I figure there ought to be some marginal increase. Usually after two, three or more years of a relationship you are spending more time together than the first six months. I am not against giving up a sporting activity or hobby either it's more the scheduling that's vexing. By all means, participate in your sport; but must it be on one of the two days that we can be together? I enjoy being creative and making art, I enjoy reading and playing computer games but I don't reduce time with my boyfriend because of it. These activities are not of a higher priority. I do not say "can you come over two hours later, I want to raid a dungeon in WoW?". I'm sure if I did say what I quoted it would be frowned upon and likely not received well.

Is your relationship progressing? It seems not.

This is your expectation. Have you voiced your expectation to your BF, or are you expecting him to read your mind?

Within your limits, to your expectations. Your very words "By all means" implies that he needs your permission.

I think you need to review your expectations, communicate them to him and see what he says before you go any further. You can't get what you want if you don't ask for it.

[Anonymiss]

More than once I have requested that we spend more time together. There hasn't been any change.

[HeartIsAching]

In that case, you want it and he doesn't. You need to decide whether or not you can live with it. If you can't, it's time to boogie.

[haxan]

I usually think overly bright, kind of introspective girls are where it's at, but you may have me rethinking my interests, Anyonymiss

Seriously though, you can't force a relationship. If it's not enough for you, simply state to him what you expect, what you're looking for time wise, and what will happen if you don't get those needs met. That's about all you can do.