So first and foremost, let me say that I am fully aware of how stupid this sounds and it probably is. However, it is also the strangest thing that has ever happened to me romantically and I'm not sure where/who to turn to, so I thought I'd try this. I'm already prepared to hear how some of you will see me as this awful person and that I have no right to complain. You are probably right. If possible, could you please limit the harsh words and try to offer real advice.
I am in a long term relationship with a woman that I care for very deeply. I know that logically, she is the woman I should be with. She is pretty, sweet, and I trust her. I am a father of two kids (8 and 10) from my ex wife, and the woman I am with now is trying very hard to be a good step-mom to them, even though they only stay with us every other weekend, their visits can cause stress sometimes. All in all she is doing a good job and the kids have grown to like her very much.
I recently met a married woman (who also has kids 8 and 2) online through a game that we both play together. At first we just flirted back and forth and I was the one that did most of the flirting at first. However, later she began to enjoy our time together, and we eventually began to message each other a lot, which eventually led to voice chats, which then led to voice chats on skype. I'm a decent singer and I told her of my talents. She wanted to hear me sing so I did sing for her. She really loved my voice and told me how wonderful it was. We kept talking more and more under the pretense that she was going to help me with lyrics to my music we grew closer and closer and began to discuss personal things and have stimulating conversations. Soon, the flirting and contact led to longing feelings for each other and it wasn't long before we were confessing having deep feelings for each other.
A lot of this "need" to search for another to make me feel loved and appreciated again stemmed from the relationship I am currently in, going stale and with the lack of emotional intimacy. The online married woman filled that need. She is also very beautiful to me and we have both seen pictures of each other on FB. Our conversations got more and more intimate and I learned that her marriage was on the rocks as well (shocking I know...*SARCASM*) this led into discussions of her possibly leaving her husband and moving to where I live. She live several states away from me. After going through several rounds of "this is ridicules and there is no way we could ever logically be together" from each of us. we eventually came to a point where she was considering a life with me and I with her. We discussed living arrangements and life values and and began to discuss and present ourselves to each other in a more "real" light and not just fantasy. We discussed financial matters and even our faults and shortcomings. For awhile, I was truly torn between my current long term relationship, and my new online romance. I discovered that the online woman was really intelligent and had a lot of things in common with me. This led to further attraction between the two of us and we even had phone sex a few times. We had gotten to the point where we shared our cell phone numbers and had begun to text each other and say "I love you" to each other.
all of this happened very fast (span of roughly 2 months) for awhile, it seemed that we had both just gotten caught up with the passion and excitement of each other. We even planned to meet and she was going to pay for half of my plane ticket. Her husband (whom I also met online a bit later) was the total opposite of her. He hadn't graduated from H.S. and worked a low paying job. He couldnt read or write very well, wasn't very attractive and had begun to show her less and less attention and their kids as well. I'm aware this is a common plight of married women that their husbands soon forget to show them the attention they deserve and this can lead to women straying from their marriage.
To make a long story short, she eventually decided that it wasn't prudent to be with me or to have me come out to visit her even though she really wanted to. She said even if we met as just friends, she isn't sure she could control herself around me. We both knew it was wrong to be together, and we kept bringing up the logical reasons why we couldn't be together. The emotional desire was there and we still loved each other, but she couldn't see leaving her husband and she feared losing her kids in a divorce. She is also being supported by him now and I'm sure financial uncertainty has a lot to do with her decision to remain in a marriage where she doesn't love him like she does me. The passion was barely there to begin with when they first met and now that time has passed she and him have lost a lot of the passion and deep loving feelings.
Together, we both decided to take a couple weeks off from each other so we could just be friends. At first i thought it was just me that needed time to heal before I could attempt to be friends only, but i later discovered that she too was having a hard time trying to be just my friend, and that those feelings of deep caring possibly love for each other don't just go away overnight.
I'm nearing the end of the 2nd week now and we will soon begin talking again to try and remain just friends because we cant bear to lose each other completely. I know that she still cares for me in that romantic way and I still care for her too. At this point I'm not sure what to do. I told her that I have never been "dumped" by someone that cares for me so much. She agreed and it seems we are both having a hard time with this. My current long term relationship is actually going a lot better and I have been putting more time and energy into it. My ultimate goal (online married woman's too) is for us both to be just friends. In the off-chance that she ever gets divorced and I break up with my long term relationship. we have agreed to consider each other as possible future romantic partners.
So to sum up, my plan is to put my energy into my current relationship and try to be friends only with this online married woman. However, because of our romantic past and obvious connection to each other, this may be near impossible. We don't want to lose each other, but I don't know if we can truly be just friends with each other... =(
What does everyone think?