Is my girlfriend selfish or am I to needy?

[AnnonymousMan]

I will start by giving a little background info on the relationship. I will keep it short.
The relationship has been mostly arguements and mistakes. She has made several beginner mistakes since she never had much dating experience. It took me a year to get over one of the mistakes but I forgive her now. There would be a lot of anger on my end and a lot of not knowing what to do on her end. The answer was obvious, the problem couldn't be fixed unless I either forgave her or left her. Anyways, I forgave her yet she never forgave my anger spouts. I have explained to her that the reason I was mad at her is because of what she did but I do forgive her now so everything should be fine now. She can't seem to let go of how angry she use to make me and it is almost as if she hasn't fully accepted that she made mistakes. If the tables were reversed I could easily forgive her for being angry. Which leads me to my next point...
If she does something to make me mad I will usually get mad at her. Nothing serious or violent. She will instantly get defensive and get extremely mad at me and go off on me. This in turn will only make things twenty times worse and I end up either going "What the hell?" or getting more mad and the anger could last for days. Now if I ever make her angry, I can watch her get mad at me and I only feel compassion. I have NEVER gotten mad at her if I mess up and she tells me. This almost seems impossible for her to accomplish if she messes up.
She was completely fine with me just 3 days ago and it seemed perfect. I even researched some things and presented information to her and I had a game plan to help us out. She seemed only partially interested... The day after she breaks up with me, after kissing me the day before and telling me she loved me. It seemed like she lied to me about the love part. After an entire night of convincing her to please give me a second chance since I gave her at least 3 chances near the beginning of the relationship, that it would only be fair. It took me lying to her and saying we could just be friends, and her showing up at my house, and me basically catching her off guard saying I still wanted more for her to finally give me another chance. I know this is wrong, but she has done this tactic to me in the past (I learned it from her lol) and she almost seemed amused by it.
Now at this point, she would finally kiss me again etc... I felt that she really wanted it to work, she was just growing tired and weak of trying. I had also promised her a week before this that I would NEVER get mad at her again and that if I ever had an issue I would talk to her and express myself in a positive way. I have never broken this promise either. I almost feel like her breaking up with me, made me realize I loved her even more than I ever knew. I feel this new connection with her. Now this is where I begin to wonder if she is just a bad, selfish, spoiled little brat and this is a father daughter relationship...
Back in the day my mom use to party with my high school friends (this is DEFINATELY another story) and to keep it short, I wrote my mother off. Now with this being said, there is a place an hour away that me and my girlfriend would go to. She had broke a promise to me about that place in the past, and I ended up seeing two guys that use to party with my mother going there. So I told my girlfriend I DID NOT want to ever go back. I even cried to her explaining my hurtful past to her and giving her the reasons why I didn't want to go back. This is obviously ment NOTHING to her since she ignored my hurtful story, and when friday came around, asked for us to go. I eventually gave in and went... When we finally got back to my house I told her that I was maybe beginning to realize that she is no good for me because she can't even respect me as another person on this planet who has feelings just like herself...

Now I know what you are thinking, she doesn't love or care about me. I truly feel she does, she just has issues with herself and has to put herself before me. Or maybe I caught her at a bad time to tell her I didn't want to go anymore... I need female opinions to know what the **** she is thinking, because I am so clueless. From what I have gathered from her is that she does care, she is just tired of argueing and trying to make things work. Her main reason for breaking up with me was to be single and do her own thing because she was tired of being in a relationship. She told me that she wasn't planning on dating for at least a year if we broke up since she wanted to be solo so badly. I have asked her if she has a choice of going back to how it use to be or being alone, she said it was obvious that she wanted to be how it use to be when me and her were happy. I told her we could get there, it just takes a little work, fixing some simple issues that obviously lie within ourselves, and the payoff would be much greater than what it would take to get there.

Opinions? Sorry for rambling by the way, I have just been going crazy with this shit. I would do anything for her, anything, but if she can't even respect me or is willing to even try fixing this, she isn't even worth it. I just want to know what she might be thinking, maybe something that not even she realizes yet.

[AnnonymousMan]

I just want to give an example of our arguements. This is EVEN back when she did love me and everything was fine. The argument patterns have never changed.

If I mess up,

Me : I do something wrong
Her : She explains I hurt her (She is a little mad or upset)
Me : I feel bad and resolve it

If she messes up,

Her : She messes up
Me : I explain it to her (I am a little mad or upset)
Her : Gets extremely defensive and tries giving excuses (She will admit fault sometimes but ALWAYS throws out excuses like she can reason with my feelings)
Me : I am even more pissed or hurt (It lasts for days and time eventually heals it)

[Clarity]

first, don't talk to her right after you have an argument. tell her you need time to absorb and think about what you've discussed. give her time to think about the fight as well. turn off all communication for about a day. inform her that you need that much time and set a time for when you will have your next talk.

second, hopefully, both of you have calmed down enough to talk calmly about your issues. ALWAYS bear in mind, the time of the month.. girls really go crazy during red days, so i suggest you stay out of her way if she has her period.

third, take note and address specific issues. what did you guys fight about in the first place? if the same reason keeps popping up for more the 3 times, it's most likely that you won't be able to resolve it. when it comes to that point, you have two options. you both can agree to respect you differences and stay together, or you break up.

[smackie9]

first, don't talk to her right after you have an argument. tell her you need time to absorb and think about what you've discussed. give her time to think about the fight as well. turn off all communication for about a day. inform her that you need that much time and set a time for when you will have your next talk.

second, hopefully, both of you have calmed down enough to talk calmly about your issues. ALWAYS bear in mind, the time of the month.. girls really go crazy during red days, so i suggest you stay out of her way if she has her period.

third, take note and address specific issues. what did you guys fight about in the first place? if the same reason keeps popping up for more the 3 times, it's most likely that you won't be able to resolve it. when it comes to that point, you have two options. you both can agree to respect you differences and stay together, or you break up.

I agree you can better resolve things when the tempers cool down. Don't do any name calling, don't get all defensive, just walk away, shake it off and go back and calmly LISTEN first, then discuss. If you two can learn this pattern maybe things will work out better for you.

[missanthrope]

I think that this is all incredibly childish. You can't take three days post-breakup to realize you truly love someone. That is just your ego talking; we all want to desperately cling to something we've just lost.

This relationship seems very immature. You're not well suited to each other, I think.

[AnnonymousMan]

I think that this is all incredibly childish. You can't take three days post-breakup to realize you truly love someone. That is just your ego talking; we all want to desperately cling to something we've just lost.

This relationship seems very immature. You're not well suited to each other, I think.

That is true, unless the break up was stupid in the first place and we always did love each other the entire time.