G/f pressuring me to get married

[sillybuttsam]

These are your words This will not change and will get worse as time goes on. this girl is basically a selfish hypocritical ass....thats just the way it is and will never change.

You really dont sound as if you are that experienced in relationships. 30 first dates? Forgive me if Im wrong. Good relationships take practice and/or luck finding the right person. 4-5 months is nowhere near the time it takes to understand a relationship.

About 2 years ago I was in a relationship with a girl for 7 years (and according to her I was her first) and she still ended up cheating on me when Wamu was down to <$0.10 a share and got sold to JPMChase and I was left unemployed for a while. I've just become more picky. That's not to say I don't feel this reservation myself about the short period of time, but she has also for lack of a better word brought me back from the dead. I still feel this overwhelming sense of guilt and shame that maybe I'm passing up the best woman that I could ever meet no matter how high maintenance she might be on the surface, she's even gone as far as to say that we're soulmates and I feel the same way which is why I'm so torn.

Then again, going back to the whole karaoke situation... this shouldn't have even been an issue in the first place.

[miffy]

Sounds like you're really giving in too easily to her just dropping certain keywords that you go for, such as "being soulmates". Because obviously, you are NOT. You may be in love, but it's perfectly obvious that she has her issues and you're not OK with them. Also, this is moving way too fast. I can appreciate the fact of falling in love quickly and feeling very close, but that and actually starting a family and binding for life are two different matters. If she truly loves you and wants to be with you she will not pressure you, threaten you or obsess about silly things such as the price of the ring or apartment furniture. YOU dictate the pace and hold the reigns, not her. She might just be fretting and wanting to get out of her situation, in which case she is utterly dependant on you - would you want that? Do you want to be her "caretaker"? You don't sound like a guy who wants a "pet wife" who nags at him and drives him crazy. You want an equal and fair partnership, like everyone does. You're not getting that right now.

Set boundaries. Make things clear to her. Stand up to yourself. And above all, don't let her rush you into anything, or you will both suffer. Your feelings for each other may be valid, your behaviour is immature and you're not thinking things through clearly (you are, but not acting on it, she apparently isn't thinking at all).

[HeartIsAching]

Wow... spent some time reading this.

It's long past time to cut and run, man. She's going to ruin you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

One C# programmer to another...you TRIED, she CAUGHT you, it's time to THROW the exception and BREAK out of this relationship.

[Wakeup]

Op: If you're looking for us to give you reasons to stay with this woman, then it's a majority vote that you'll not get it in this thread. You have a defense for every negative response posed to you so I suggest that you just continue on in your relationship and as she continues to present who she is to you, you can then decide if you think you can tolerate her princess like behaviour and unmotivated career choices while she runs the ship (or bitches you out for not letting her when/if you don't give into her whims).

You're a grown man so live, learn and if it gets too much then exit stage left. If you stay, you best not complain about your existence but rather

know your place and do what you're told with a smile on your face. Reminding yourself that "I chose this."

Good luck.

[sillybuttsam]

One C# programmer to another...you TRIED, she CAUGHT you, it's time to THROW the exception and BREAK out of this relationship.

try
{
if (this.GetRelationshipResult()) { return true; }
}
catch (Exception ex)
{
throw new ScrewItException(ex.Message);
return false;
}

lmfao dude hahahaha
}

[sillybuttsam]

Op: If you're looking for us to give you reasons to stay with this woman, then it's a majority vote that you'll not get it in this thread. You have a defense for every negative response posed to you so I suggest that you just continue on in your relationship and as she continues to present who she is to you, you can then decide if you think you can tolerate her princess like behaviour and unmotivated career choices while she runs the ship (or bitches you out for not letting her when/if you don't give into her whims).

You're a grown man so live, learn and if it gets too much then exit stage left. If you stay, you best not complain about your existence but rather

know your place and do what you're told with a smile on your face. Reminding yourself that "I chose this."

Good luck.

If anything I'm really glad to bounce all of this off of some impartial people who can see at least from my perspective what I'm going through and the general consensus I see is that I need to bounce because if I marry this girl the situation is only going to get worse. We have these conversations and I try to discuss my feelings and negotiate maturely (or at least in my mind I feel I'm trying to be mature) and I walk away being manipulated and shamed each time just for wanting to meet in the middle. It's time for me to man up and stop allowing myself to be manipulated because when I'm removed enough to think clearly about the situation I start to realize I'm being manipulated and changed and controlled, not good. I realize there's a degree of that in any relationship but I think this is a little outside my comfort zone or else I obviously wouldn't be posting, the dude is not abiding here.

[sillybuttsam]

Sounds like you're really giving in too easily to her just dropping certain keywords that you go for, such as "being soulmates". Because obviously, you are NOT. You may be in love, but it's perfectly obvious that she has her issues and you're not OK with them. Also, this is moving way too fast. I can appreciate the fact of falling in love quickly and feeling very close, but that and actually starting a family and binding for life are two different matters. If she truly loves you and wants to be with you she will not pressure you, threaten you or obsess about silly things such as the price of the ring or apartment furniture. YOU dictate the pace and hold the reigns, not her. She might just be fretting and wanting to get out of her situation, in which case she is utterly dependant on you - would you want that? Do you want to be her "caretaker"? You don't sound like a guy who wants a "pet wife" who nags at him and drives him crazy. You want an equal and fair partnership, like everyone does. You're not getting that right now.

Set boundaries. Make things clear to her. Stand up to yourself. And above all, don't let her rush you into anything, or you will both suffer. Your feelings for each other may be valid, your behaviour is immature and you're not thinking things through clearly (you are, but not acting on it, she apparently isn't thinking at all).

^^^
QFT

Yes I want an equal and fair partnership and no I'm not getting that.

[Wakeup]

If anything I'm really glad to bounce all of this off of some impartial people who can see at least from my perspective what I'm going through and the general consensus I see is that I need to bounce because if I marry this girl the situation is only going to get worse. We have these conversations and I try to discuss my feelings and negotiate maturely (or at least in my mind I feel I'm trying to be mature) and I walk away being manipulated and shamed each time just for wanting to meet in the middle. It's time for me to man up and stop allowing myself to be manipulated because when I'm removed enough to think clearly about the situation I start to realize I'm being manipulated and changed and controlled, not good. I realize there's a degree of that in any relationship but I think this is a little outside my comfort zone or else I obviously wouldn't be posting, the dude is not abiding here.

*gives two thumbs up for seeing clearly*

Now, I think you need to get it across to her that she either chills until you know one another enough to make informed decisions about one another and if you're able to be life partners. If after your talk you discover she's still too impatient, unyielding, immature and unable to communicate without the use of manipulation, then you leave the situation for good because then it will be quite obvious that she's incapable of change and what you see is what you'll get.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

protected void MarriageDemand(object sender, EventArgs e)
{
Response.Redirect("NewGirl.aspx?");
}

[sillybuttsam]

Well I got my testicles about me and broke it off with her. Thanks for being a voice of reason guys, long drama today but definitely glad to be out of that nightmare.

[miffy]

GOOD FOR YOU!

Seriously, very impressive and happy that you came to terms with yourself over this!

[sillybuttsam]

GOOD FOR YOU!

Seriously, very impressive and happy that you came to terms with yourself over this!

Well I definitely know I made the right decision. She showed up last night at my karaoke place I introduced her to in the first place and basically tried to smear my name through the mud with all the regulars and was hitting on a 60y/o dude who'd hit on her before and she told me not to get jealous. I'm really glad I didn't marry that girl.

[oneandonly]

Well I definitely know I made the right decision. She showed up last night at my karaoke place I introduced her to in the first place and basically tried to smear my name through the mud with all the regulars and was hitting on a 60y/o dude who'd hit on her before and she told me not to get jealous. I'm really glad I didn't marry that girl.

See.... it would've only got worse!

Glad you got out of it quickly.

[vashti]

Hey Sam - Here's a word of advice for the future: normal women do not demand "promise rings". In fact, promise rings are a relic of 1950s high school, and at 34, she should have been far too grown up for such childish things.

You only knew her a few months, and you are not obligated to marry ANYONE because their biological clock is ticking, and you are absolutely correct about needing to be financially secure and emotionally grounded before marrying.

Find yourself a grown woman, and don't be bullied into buying or doing ridiculous things.