Per deployment breakup.. What was this guy thinking?

[Livelaughlove17]

First off, my apologies on the misspelling of the title.. I meant *pre* deployment breakup. Okay, let me start from the beginning... I met this guy a few months ago and we hit it off instantly. He seemed really into me and I liked him a lot as well. He met my family and everything. In the beginning he was almost sort of obsessive; saying I was the best thing that's ever happened to him, I complete him, I make him so happy, and even planning our future. One night he even followed me home to make sure I got there okay. Things were great. We never even had sex and he never pushed me to do it. He never pressured me to do anything and he would do anything for me. He was very comitted to me; wouldnt talk to other girls at all.We were either talking or together 24/7. He is shipping out in 3 months. About 2 weeks ago he started to become distant; I thought he was just stressed from working 2 jobs, baseball and being in the military. A few days ago he said to me "I've been doing a lot of thinking and I think it's best for me to leave single. You're a great girl and I had fun dating you. There was something between us but I'm just not feeling it now that I'm closer to shipping out." so we broke up. When I asked if he wanted to still talk at school and be friends he just said "I don't know". We haven't said a word since. When we pass each other he acts like I don't exist.. But I know he had feelings for me. And the weird thing is, it's not like we met and he unexpectedly developed feeling for me. He went so far out of his way to get my number and text me and say he was going to make me his and keep him. He said he was attracted to me without even talking to me. But how does someone go from that to acting like they never knew you? I guess my questions are, why did he start anything with me when he knew he was leaving and just what happened with him? And if nothing really happened between us, why doesn't hewant to be friends? Actually, any info or opinions on the situation would be great. Thanks!

[Livelaughlove17]

Any help at all would be great.. Im very upset and quite confused.

[smiley_]

I was with my ex for over 5 years and he is in the military. Deployments are extremely difficult. Not only do you have to deal with being apart for a long time but there's the additional stress of worrying for his safety and him worrying what you are doing. He is going through alot right now. And he has probably distanced himself so that he can have a clear head before heading into a war zone.

Alot of things could be influencing his decision to distance himself. He could be concerned that you will leave him for someone else while he is deployed (because it happens alot in the military) he probably doesnt want to take on that added stress. He may also be trying to spare your feelings because as I said this is a very difficult thing that will take a huge toll on your relationship. My exes deployment really broke us and all we did was argue when we talked...which I felt horrible about but didnt know how to change it. We were just very emotional during this time.

At the same time, his distance may not even be about you. Just him and this is how he is dealing with this. Give him space because this is very difficult for him. If he reaches out to you during his deployment I would say be there for him as a friend, as that is what he will need the most. He will need lots of support. I hope everything works out for the two of you.

[Salubrious]

It can be very frustrating when men do this but, it is usually from fear of something, the key is to find out what that fear is from.

[HeartIsAching]

"I've been doing a lot of thinking and I think it's best for me to leave single. You're a great girl and I had fun dating you. There was something between us but I'm just not feeling it now that I'm closer to shipping out."

Why do you feel you shouldn't take this at face value? Personally I think you have your answer and you just don't want to believe it.

[vashti]

Why do you feel you shouldn't take this at face value? Personally I think you have your answer and you just don't want to believe it.

Agreed. I think he maybe initially had feelings, but they diminished for him, for whatever reason.

Just let it go.