New relationship: Boyfriend blatantly flirted with a girl in front of me

[skeeziix]

Ok, so this weekend St. Patty's day I and a group of friends went to the bar. We were all pretty good and drunk. My boyfriend of 2 months walks up to the bar to get a drink. Proceeds to put his arm around the back of another chick and lean in closer to talk to her and her girlfriend. I walked up and physically removed his arm from her back to which he ignored and brushed off like it was normal? He continued to flirt blatantly with the two girls so I pinched him under his arm to get his attention. I felt like wow this is so ****ing rude. He comes back with our beers and I confronted him. I am like if you want to set a precedence like that in our relationship after 2 months you got to be kidding. So I left him there at the bar. He continued to text me and apologize and didn't realize what he was doing because apparently he was that drunk.

A few weeks ago I had a trip out of town with a male buddy of mine, which really made my boyfriend insecure. I tried to calm him down and reassure him nothing would ever happen like that, I can understand his feelings. When I got back I saw a message from a cute girl who posted on his fb that he never called her this weekend like he said he would. It makes me wonder if he felt so insecure that he needed to reassure himself by talking to another women. I asked him about it he said she was just a friend, and that he should be able to have female friends. Typical male response. I told him that I know he was feeling insecure about the vacation but it was planned prior to us dating and that I wouldn't intentionally hurt him or put myself in a jeopardizing situation like that ever again.

It really scares me that if I am not there he might do something stupid while he is drinking. I have done stupid shit like that in the past myself. I really like this guy he tells me he thinks I am his soulmate. Why would you act like that? I am worried this is an indicator of what is more to come.

[pisces25]

Huge red flag. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. And don't make excuses for him, that he would be so insecure with you being away for a weekend that he would HAVE to talk to another woman. Does that mean everytime you are away from him he is going to flirt with another woman coz he is insecure? Sounds like he has issues.

[nerdy_guy]

I really like this guy he tells me he thinks I am his soulmate.

It really scares me that if I am not there he might do something stupid while he is drinking.

Soul mates trust each other. For me, continuing a relationship with a lot of distrust would eventually come back to bite both of you in the butt. Even if its just one of you that has trust issues, that will always be a recurring theme when you have arguments. Both of you need to talk about this. If you can't reach an agreement, then I think you should start moving on. I don't believe in a relationship that says, "I love you, but I don't trust you"

[Red Apollo]

I don't think he would have to be drunk to cheat on you. Sounds like the type to be perfectly fine with doing it sober.

[bcgirl]

you've only been dating him for 2 months....that is NOTHING. You should break up with him now when it's super easy to break up since you two don't have much history before having it be 2 years and he acts this way. If he is behaving like this now so early into the relationship, i can't imagine what he'd do to you later in the relationship when things start to become routine and boring

[surfhb]

We were all pretty good and drunk.

Ok...Im sure things didnt go the way you are explaining

Well....2 sides to every story but you guys dont seem to be starting off very well. BTW....putting your hand on anothers womens back to lean in to hear her talk isnt a big deal (I assume this place was loud). Maybe its because im older and we dont give a shit about stuff like this.

BELIEVE ME! You are talking soulmates and, I assume, marriage? THIS IS NOTHING compared to the BS you will experience marrying and living together LOL!!!

[IndiReloaded]

Proceeds to put his arm around the back of another chick and lean in closer to talk to her and her girlfriend. I walked up and physically removed his arm from her back to which he ignored and brushed off like it was normal? He continued to flirt blatantly with the two girls so I pinched him under his arm to get his attention.

You should have left him there at the bar and ended it then. He's no good. The drunk is just an excuse. He knows what he is doing. Or, if he gets so drunk that he really doesn't know what he is doing, then you don't want that either.

Girl is right, its only 2 months. Cut your losses early and find someone new. A guy who is really into you will not act like this. More importantly, a guy who *isn't* that into you, but who was raised as a proper gentleman, wouldn't act like this. People treat you with as much respect as you demand.

BTW....putting your hand on anothers womens back to lean in to hear her talk isnt a big deal (I assume this place was loud). Maybe its because im older and we dont give a shit about stuff like this.

As an age-mate of the female persuasion, I respectfully disagree. If my BF did this at a bar, I would leave him immediately. He'd be welcome to go home with one of those girls and his loss.

[surfhb]

Its hard to say. If he just grabbed her around the waist and pulled himself in to talk....thats one thing. But to gently put your hand on a womans back to lean in to talk is no big deal....especially if youve been drinking and having a good time. Its no reason to leave the guy certainly. He said he was sorry and maybe it was a bad judgement call but dont spell the guy out to be a complete dick....jeesh.

[IndiReloaded]

But to gently put your hand on a womans back to lean in to talk is no big deal....especially if youve been drinking and having a good time.

Really? I always thought that touch (other than a handshake) was a 'come ahead' signal for a guy. If a stranger at a bar put his hand on my back to 'talk' he'd be removing it rather quick.

[HeartIsAching]

Ok, so this weekend St. Patty's day I and a group of friends went to the bar. We were all pretty good and drunk. My boyfriend of 2 months walks up to the bar to get a drink. Proceeds to put his arm around the back of another chick and lean in closer to talk to her and her girlfriend. I walked up and physically removed his arm from her back to which he ignored and brushed off like it was normal? He continued to flirt blatantly with the two girls so I pinched him under his arm to get his attention. I felt like wow this is so ****ing rude. He comes back with our beers and I confronted him. I am like if you want to set a precedence like that in our relationship after 2 months you got to be kidding. So I left him there at the bar. He continued to text me and apologize and didn't realize what he was doing because apparently he was that drunk.

A few weeks ago I had a trip out of town with a male buddy of mine, which really made my boyfriend insecure. I tried to calm him down and reassure him nothing would ever happen like that, I can understand his feelings. When I got back I saw a message from a cute girl who posted on his fb that he never called her this weekend like he said he would. It makes me wonder if he felt so insecure that he needed to reassure himself by talking to another women. I asked him about it he said she was just a friend, and that he should be able to have female friends. Typical male response. I told him that I know he was feeling insecure about the vacation but it was planned prior to us dating and that I wouldn't intentionally hurt him or put myself in a jeopardizing situation like that ever again.

It really scares me that if I am not there he might do something stupid while he is drinking. I have done stupid shit like that in the past myself. I really like this guy he tells me he thinks I am his soulmate. Why would you act like that? I am worried this is an indicator of what is more to come.

He's not terribly into you. Time to move on... for both of you.

[Wakeup]

. I have done stupid shit like that in the past myself. I really like this guy he tells me he thinks I am his soulmate. Why would you act like that? I am worried this is an indicator of what is more to come.

So is that why it's freaking you out so? Is it Because you're afraid that he'll do what you did? If you haven't dumped one another already, I doubt you're going to leave him over this so If you're still together, I suggest you talk to him about relationship boundaries and what isn't acceptable behaviour while in a monogamous, committed relationship and that you both agree to what isn't acceptable. If you can't agree to basic exclusive, monogamous relationship boundaries, well then you know you're not compatible and you can make a logical decision.

You've only been going out with him for a couple of months so you can either dump him now (for doing what you yourself have done in the past) or, you can talk to him and see if he agrees that overt flirting is a no no as is blatant disrespect for you, his girlfriend. Be calm and matter of fact when you have your relationship boundary convo or he may just turn it around on you and dump you for being shrewish and unyielding.

Bottomline: Talk to him, come to an agreement (or not) and make a logical decision. If you both agree that overt flirting is a no,no and he does it again, well then you know that this relationship is not what you want (no matter how many times he tells you he thinks you're "soul mates."

[skeeziix]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I explained to him how I felt and he agreed with me that it was stupid and that he never meant to hurt me, that he isn't normally like that. I told him that if anything like this ever happens again I will leave him at a drop of a dime. I am at the point of my life that I am comfortable being alone rather than putting up with stupid bullshit. I believe if someone is truly into you and only you they wouldn't act that way. Especially when I am right ****ing there! Just really amazes me. I wouldn't do that to him ever. I am considering this 2 strikes and if there is a 3rd he is going to get American History Ex'd to the curb, .

[IndiReloaded]

I told him that if anything like this ever happens again I will leave him at a drop of a dime.

Wow, lol. Hope that works out for you. Ultimatums usually backfire.

[Wakeup]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I explained to him how I felt and he agreed with me that it was stupid and that he never meant to hurt me, that he isn't normally like that. I told him that if anything like this ever happens again I will leave him at a drop of a dime. I am at the point of my life that I am comfortable being alone rather than putting up with stupid bullshit. I believe if someone is truly into you and only you they wouldn't act that way. Especially when I am right ****ing there! Just really amazes me. I wouldn't do that to him ever. I am considering this 2 strikes and if there is a 3rd he is going to get American History Ex'd to the curb, .

Was that like a relationship boundary you both agreed to adhere to or was that like I'ma gonna control you and if you won't heed what I tell you, I'm taking my ball and going home kinda thing?

I give you kudos for discussing it with him and making it clear that you'll not stick around for more disrespect... That's just looking out for your own emotional health. I do wonder how you presented to him how you felt disrespected though.

I explained to him how I felt and he agreed with me that it was stupid and that he never meant to hurt me,

That's good. I hope you were calm and not all "Z~Snappy" when you were talking to him.

Anyway, glad you guys seem to have this "round" resolved.

[alwaystryin]

NOT COOL. Okay fine, he was drunk, but brushing you off and ignoring a pinch on the arm? Why not fast forward this situation? Tell him you thought about it again and what he did is so unacceptable to you you could hardly have faith in a trustful relationship with him. Men can be childish and spiteful, hence the facebook message, so I hope you were on the up & up as far as the trip you took with your "buddy". If you were, I'd end it. He'll come back to you if it was meant to be that way, but I wouldn't waste any time getting your message across. And Indie is right, ultimatums never prove fruitful.