I Don't Know What My Bestfriend Feels Like

[aadharshd]

I have already posted about this in the Broken Hearts and Love Advice Forum so please go there for the complete story. I really need some advice.

So I have known my best friend for almost 5 years now. She is really great and we talk all the time through FB or texting. About half a year ago, I realized that I'm in love with her (first girl I ever felt this way about) and that she had everything I was looking for. So I told her on my birthday and she said she wasn't looking for a relationship so I left it.

Fortunately, things did not get awkward but instead we got really close to each other. We often hung out alone and called each other and I could compliment her without feeling awkward and it almost felt like a relationship. One day she admitted that she had feelings too but she was trying to ignore them for some reason. I took this as a good thing and just gave her some time to think about her feelings.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her that I was worried that this was going nowhere especially after 6 months. She dropped a bomb on me by saying that she is sure she doesnt have feelings for me and that she never will.

The only reason I kept loving her those months was because I though I could convince her that those feelings are real but now we cant even talk as friends. She realizes that I treated her and loved her more than any of her past boyfriends. Even all of our friends thought we would end up together.

I just feel really frustrated that after everything that I said or did, it still wasn't enough to change her mind where as the jerks she previously dated basically had to do nothing and just hurt her when they were dating. During those times, I was there for her more than her boyfriend ever was and I talked to her more than he did. At one point he was just ignoring her for a long time and she came to me for comfort.

She kept giving me mixed signals the whole time because I knew she really like the fact that I was there for her the whole time doing all of that.

I know you cant force someone to like you so I stopped doing all of those romantic and nice things I did to try to win her over. Was she leading me on the whole time? Was I wrong to hold on for so long and should I let go of the little hope that I have thinking I might still have a chance? She said I was just hurting myself by holding on and that she isn't worth all the pain and trouble but I just can't stand the fact knowing she is just going to date some other guy in the future.

[searock]

Actually, you *do* know what your best friend feels like. She isn't into you, romantically. You need to move on, she is right. Go no contact if that's what it takes - she'll understand.

[smackie9]

She didn't lead you on, you lead yourself on. I did read your post and she did tell you she wasn't interested at the beginning. She was emotionally attached and you just played along thinking it would change, so you can't blame her. There was nothing stopping you from pulling back and cooling it with the attention your were giving her.

Stop being friends with girls you want to get with especially if they have a BF. Stop acting like their BF when you are not even dating them. Never express your feelings unless you are in a serious relationship with them. If you like someone, chat them up a bit and then ask them out. Cut the friends thing out completely, get to know them on your dates instead. Do these things and you won't find yourself in the friends zone ever again.

She knew you for 5 years and all that time didn't want to date you....there is no possible way she will ever change her mind. You need to accept it for what it is and move on.

Listen to what she told you. She is right, you are only hurting yourself by hanging on.

[aadharshd]

@smackie9, I just want to clarify that I am not defending myself and I think that you are for the most part correct but I do have a few objections.

First of all, I do not blame her. If you had read my previous post, then you would have known that I realized it was my fault. Second, I was never interested in her when she had a BF. Third, the friendzone part is not a problem. From where I come from, dates are not easy to go on and arent very socially acceptable especially with teenagers and so telling a person you like them before you get to know them is pretty much a social no-no.

I do have to agree that you are right on all other parts though. I was just hurting myself when I fooled myself into thinking that I had chance. I only felt that way because she said she had some feelings too. I also want to clarify that I wasn't acting as her boyfriend when she already had one although it is true I was usually there for her comfort. I had absolutely no feelings for her then. I was doing it as a best friend. And yes you are right, I should move on although she said that we can still be friends as even she would be losing a best friend. Thank you for your advice. I know that you are just being honest and not trying to discourage me or anything and I appreciate that. I needed to hear that.

[searock]

So what are you going to do?

[aadharshd]

@Searock

I am going to listen what everyone is saying and just let it be. Smackie9 was right. I should just move on since it was my fault anyways. I won't talk to her even though it means I would lose the closest friend I ever had. Unless she wants to stay friends or wants to keep talking, I wont do anything. I won't contact her although it will be awkward when I run into her at school which happens a lot.

[IndiReloaded]

Its over man. Let her go. You are going to make yourself into an ass if you keep this up.

[url]http://www.despair.com/persistence.html[/url]

[smackie9]

You know what me and everyone else has experienced listening to their heart instead of their head over and over. We eventually learn from our weaknesses, and learn to avoid making that mistake again because we end up so hurt from it. Just one of life's lessons.

[aadharshd]

Yea I guess you're all right. That's why I have decided to let it go. Thanks guys.