He kiss me but still said we are friends?

[Sallymelanie]

I'd been studying about dating and relationship (to make sure I don't make any mistake that can push a guy away) but there are still some things that I can't completely figure out myself. Can I ask all you guys out there to help me out?

Ok. I meet this guy and we both clicked the first time we talked. We have a lot of mutual friends and have many common interest. He asked me out and pay for my lunch. At first, I can clearly tell that he is totally into me. He asked me what it is like to kiss a girl with braces (because I wear braces) and I innocently just said (I don't know). Since I trust him, I let him to my room and we just chat like good friends. Ever since we have meet several times and I'd even meet his brother. He even talk with me about family planning, his future, his dream of buying a house. I'd even cooked for a him a few times and we chat in my room a few times. (He share his room with his brother so I can't come over). However, one time when I was lying on my bed, he suddenly jumps on me and kiss me on the neck. I was shocked and I shouted "what are you doing?" But ever since I thought maybe he really like me and I allow him to kiss me on my lips when he asked me (since I like him too). However I didn't kiss him back because he had been confusing at some cases and I wasn't sure if he really like me. He wanted to touch me at some places but I told him I won't allow him unless he is my boyfriend and he said that he is not ready for a girlfriend. I asked if it's because he was hurt from his past relationship (his long term ex-gf dumped him) but he said he was upset about it but that is not the reason. He said he wants to focus on his career. When I meet up with him again, I told him that maybe he can find a girlfriend that he can get intimate with, but he told me again that he is not ready for a girlfriend. He is studying part time and working full time at the moment and have some debt to sort out as well. However he is not making as much initiative to meet up with me. I find it hard to figure if he really have genuine interest in me and see me as a potential girlfriend or wife or am I just one of several girls he wants to keep as friends, so he can have options when he is ready for a serious relationship.

[John2find]

I'd been studying about dating and relationship (to make sure I don't make any mistake that can push a guy away) but there are still some things that I can't completely figure out myself. Can I ask all you guys out there to help me out?

Ok. I meet this guy and we both clicked the first time we talked. We have a lot of mutual friends and have many common interest. He asked me out and pay for my lunch. At first, I can clearly tell that he is totally into me. He asked me what it is like to kiss a girl with braces (because I wear braces) and I innocently just said (I don't know). Since I trust him, I let him to my room and we just chat like good friends. Ever since we have meet several times and I'd even meet his brother. He even talk with me about family planning, his future, his dream of buying a house. I'd even cooked for a him a few times and we chat in my room a few times. (He share his room with his brother so I can't come over). However, one time when I was lying on my bed, he suddenly jumps on me and kiss me on the neck. I was shocked and I shouted "what are you doing?" But ever since I thought maybe he really like me and I allow him to kiss me on my lips when he asked me (since I like him too). However I didn't kiss him back because he had been confusing at some cases and I wasn't sure if he really like me. He wanted to touch me at some places but I told him I won't allow him unless he is my boyfriend and he said that he is not ready for a girlfriend. I asked if it's because he was hurt from his past relationship (his long term ex-gf dumped him) but he said he was upset about it but that is not the reason. He said he wants to focus on his career. When I meet up with him again, I told him that maybe he can find a girlfriend that he can get intimate with, but he told me again that he is not ready for a girlfriend. He is studying part time and working full time at the moment and have some debt to sort out as well. However he is not making as much initiative to meet up with me. I find it hard to figure if he really have genuine interest in me and see me as a potential girlfriend or wife or am I just one of several girls he wants to keep as friends, so he can have options when he is ready for a serious relationship.

Girl ,Just keep yourself away from this boy.
You made him very clear that you will go further only if you are his girlfriend, which he said he is not ready for. But still he has gone physical (in spite of the fact he is not your BF, juts guess he might have done this to others girls as well). Probably he is thinking that you are not girl to be his GF but he thinks that he can stir your hormone to go for sex.

I am not telling he is a jerk, but you better keep a watch. A good guy who REALLY likes you will go crazy for you and will take the kiss seriously.

Do never go for sex with him unless you get married. A good guy who REALLY likes you is stable enough to wait till he is married and will not be repeating again and again for sex if you say him NO for the first time before marriage.

Their can be many reason he is not going for marriage and those may be justifiable (career, financial situation ), but a good lover will equally understand that he had to wait (till marriage) if he want to have sex.


Now few more points I will like to add:

You have done a very clear talk which is good enough to make him understand that you are interested in being his GF , but no trust no sex.

If you really like this boy, you can keep the conversations, but never let him go beyond kiss until things are set clear form his end.

personally I do not rely on this boy, but you can give him chance.

[Wakeup]

Op: It is very clear what is going on if you re-read what you wrote it says that he tried to get intimate with you, you told him no unless you were his girlfriend (good for you) and he told you he didn't want a girlfriend at the moment but his actions have told you that if you let him, he will take what you offer without commitment.

Now: Since you don't want to just have sex he is distancing himself from you because you and he do not want the same things. Don't cave and have intimacy with him because if you do you've just volunteered to be his friend with benefits or the lower level on the sex only relationship ladder, that being his booty call.

You did the right thing. Never settle for less then what you really want in hopes it will get you what you truly want. That thinking rarely works out for those who are hoping.

P.S. I don't agree with even kissing him when he's not in a position to give you what you want... that is just confusing to both you and him.

[smackie9]

There is nothing confusing about it at all. He doesn't want a GF he wants your vagina. He is not going to just come out and say "I just want to have sex with you without obligation of a GF so I can have sex with other girls too". He knows you are crushing on him so he sees potential sexual opportunity but you have been cock blocking him with talk of a relationship (good for you btw). If you want a BF start looking somewhere else because it's not in the cards with him.

Tip: guys will do, or try and say anything to get you to sleep with them.

[Sallymelanie]

Thanks so much guys for replying to me.

I'm a good girl and I know I would never have sex unless I know I'm in a stable long term relationship which both of our families acknowledge. It would be better if he can wait until marriage.

This guy had been making me confused a lot in the past. At first, a few days after the first date, he suddenly dropped by my house and said he want to talk to me. He then talked to me about wanting 3 children (we are both 26 years old) and wanting to start a family before he reach 30. He asked if I would be a good mother and he said that he wants to buy a house but since it's expensive he need to to share it with someone and buy a house that is far away from city. He asked if I'm ok to live far away from the city. I was extremely shocked by these sudden weird interest he had, thinking that he was already thinking of planning a family with me after know me for just a few hours!

The following few more meetings, he is always asking me questions about what kind of guys I like. So I just give the common qualities most girls would want. However when he asked again on another day I finally got the courage to said "someone like you". And he look at me and touched my chin and talk about the type of person he is. But he never said he want a girl like me too and I was confused and disappointed.

And so, one day, when I invited him to my place and cooked for him and let him to my room to just talk, that is when he suddenly jumped on me and kissed me.

(My friend told me it was wrong of me to invite him to my room because it might send the wrong message but I had let him in the past before because he wanted to see my Final Fantasy game which I play on my computer and I'm happy to show him too. I trusted him because we have mutual friends and I know his friends very well and they are all good people)

After he tried grope me which I have to pull his hand away and tried to get intimate and hinted having sex with me, I got really upset thinking that he is a player and wanted me only as friends with benefits.
However we meet up a few times after that and he talked about what happened that night when he was in my room. He admit that he can get carry away , saying because he is a guy and he finds it hard to resist the temptation when a girl is so close to him. So told him that we should meet up in public places only which he also agrees. We discussed about it and he seems very honest and said he that as long as I don't allow him, it would never happen. We are able to discuss about it very openly.
I feel very disappointed. It's a pity. We share such a good chemistry every time we talk but I feel like I'm losing trust in him and he seems to be losing interest with me too. That is why I'm not contacting him a the moment and he is not contacting me too. He still thinks that we are friends.

[John2find]

Thanks so much guys for replying to me.

I'm a good girl and I know I would never have sex unless I know I'm in a stable long term relationship which both of our families acknowledge. It would be better if he can wait until marriage.

This guy had been making me confused a lot in the past. At first, a few days after the first date, he suddenly dropped by my house and said he want to talk to me. He then talked to me about wanting 3 children (we are both 26 years old) and wanting to start a family before he reach 30. He asked if I would be a good mother and he said that he wants to buy a house but since it's expensive he need to to share it with someone and buy a house that is far away from city. He asked if I'm ok to live far away from the city. I was extremely shocked by these sudden weird interest he had, thinking that he was already thinking of planning a family with me after know me for just a few hours!

The following few more meetings, he is always asking me questions about what kind of guys I like. So I just give the common qualities most girls would want. However when he asked again on another day I finally got the courage to said "someone like you". And he look at me and touched my chin and talk about the type of person he is. But he never said he want a girl like me too and I was confused and disappointed.

And so, one day, when I invited him to my place and cooked for him and let him to my room to just talk, that is when he suddenly jumped on me and kissed me.

(My friend told me it was wrong of me to invite him to my room because it might send the wrong message but I had let him in the past before because he wanted to see my Final Fantasy game which I play on my computer and I'm happy to show him too. I trusted him because we have mutual friends and I know his friends very well and they are all good people)

After he tried grope me which I have to pull his hand away and tried to get intimate and hinted having sex with me, I got really upset thinking that he is a player and wanted me only as friends with benefits.
However we meet up a few times after that and he talked about what happened that night when he was in my room. He admit that he can get carry away , saying because he is a guy and he finds it hard to resist the temptation when a girl is so close to him. So told him that we should meet up in public places only which he also agrees. We discussed about it and he seems very honest and said he that as long as I don't allow him, it would never happen. We are able to discuss about it very openly.
I feel very disappointed. It's a pity. We share such a good chemistry every time we talk but I feel like I'm losing trust in him and he seems to be losing interest with me too. That is why I'm not contacting him a the moment and he is not contacting me too. He still thinks that we are friends.

Ideally speaking guys go crazy when they see girls so near. I mean that we are naturally designed so. But for a goodman , his goodness prevails over his sexual desire.
So give him chance , but never have sex with that guys until you 2 get married.
If he is attractive to you and you want to give him a chance , give him.

as you have set very clear expectation that you do not like going physical , so he must respect this going forward. If he continue doing same old story kick in his ass.

But always be alert if you wanna trust him.
Also make sure what are his career plannings and is he determined to achieve it, and know what is going to be your future.