Male mind??

[oneandonly]

I don't actually see why a relationship is deemed to be taken to the next level with a marriage either if things are good and both parties are happy but it appears that she has a totally different expectation from the relationship. I just don't think this guy is ready for 'stability' raising a child and creating a family environment. 25 is way way too young for that.

As for his parents helping him out financially, yes there is nothing wrong with it but from what she described, these two people have a very different background. She is independent. Him very dependent on his parents is enjoying comfort for now that she provides. I wonder if this is an equal relationship between them in any other areas of relationship.

If I had to use a break up to manipulate, in my mind I'm already gone. It's pointless imo.

[Nikki0526]

Thanks for all of your feedback, I'm not the one is pushing marriage, thats his thing. He says because his family is very Catholic that they say we cant live together till we are married. Ive done marriage and it was bad so i'm a bit nervous to try that again but I'm not opposed to living together. Now, I'm also not looking for a father for my child. He has one, he is a sorry father but he is my son's father. I am all my child needs. Now On the note of leaving and giving him some time without me. We split a yr agao for a month. He saw someone else and so did I but we got back together and it was wonderful. It still is good, he just has issues with moving in with me and still says things like "when we get extremly serious we can look at doing Whatever" Well, after 3 yrs I feel we are serious, but then I get well you are from the south and southern girls want to move fast, He is from California, But I just dont think what I want is moving too fast. I just want more time with him and for him to understand why I feel that way.

[IndiReloaded]

Okay, now I'm confused. Define what you mean in your first post by 'another level'. Move in together, you mean, but not marriage?

[Salubrious]

Sounds like you and him need to sit down and talk about where you both see this heading. Either in the same direction or moving on before your son becomes even more attached to him. You can chose to stay together and hope one day you end up married, him being self sufficient...it could happen, or you could wait and he continue being a crap example for your boy. Boys look to the male in the house they mimic their behavior if you are not happy with things you must speak up now.

[haxan]

But anyways, I'm going to stick it out till he graduates in May, thats when he promised that we would move in and start a "life" together. I'm a very strong person and I will walk away if I have to or push harder if I have to

He says because his family is very Catholic that they say we cant live together till we are married. Ive done marriage and it was bad so i'm a bit nervous to try that again but I'm not opposed to living together

I love him more than anything and he tells me that he loves me and that he want to move in together and get married. But he says his parents wouldnt approve if we werent at least engaged before we moved in together

Ok Nikki, we'll see if you get engaged and things move forward in May. You've known all of this information going forward and continue to do so, so at this point it's kind of talking in circles. Keep us posted, it's only a few weeks away. We'll see if he commits and you start a life together, or if there's more excuses and you stick around, or more excuses and you move along with your life.

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[jacoboram75]

I wanted children when I was 25, I'm not sure what reply I would've given you, life changes. I could be wrong, because there are plenty of men that marry single moms, but from everything you've stated here about your relationship, there seems to be every indication that he has no plans of seriously moving forward.

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[Nikki0526]

Haxan, He told me this weekend that he was going home to talk with his parents about rings. I'm not getting my hopes up becasue Actions speak louder than words! But, I'm really hoping he is serious about this! Indi, Yes by another level I just mean for him to take us more serious. He has a very strange meaning to the word "serious" so, I'm just ready for him to do what he says he is going to do. Like I said Actions speak louder than words.

[haxan]

Well, I hope he is moving forward, and hope it will work out. But ya, talk is just that, talk. We'll see what transpires.

I'm wondering more if he'll take the next step and move in with you, not so much about buying a ring and putting it on your finger (that's easy to do and takes no commitment). I'd venture to say quite a few engagement rings have been purchased to make someone happy for the moment, or more importantly, keep them quiet for awhile.

[bcgirl]

why on earth would a 25 yr old guy want anything to do with a divorcee with a 7 yr old child. BAGGAGE!!

[Nikki0526]

Wow, harsh! Have you thought about maybe getting to know someone first! I have a very smart, well mannered 7 year old. and I'm a successful business woman with everything in my life straight. He doesnt want kids of his own, but he loves mine! I dont know why you automatically assume I have baggage! Thanks for the not so helpful advice!
Haxan, thank you for all of your kind words and all of your help. Yes a ring is just that a ring, I want a long term committment not just a ring! He has realy changed his tune her in the last week, Ive been really surprised!

[Linerider]

I'm going to cut to the chase here, Nikki. You are both looking for different things. You want someone to settle down with you and commit, he wants to be a free spirit. It doesn't matter what he says, it's what he does that counts, and he isn't committing. He's giving you the run-around. Stop wasting your time with this guy and find someone who wants the same thing as you.

[haxan]

why on earth would a 25 yr old guy want anything to do with a divorcee with a 7 yr old child. BAGGAGE!!

Well, Nikki is the same age, more or less, as her boyfriend (which is young). I'm also assuming that she's healthy, and if a couple of years down the road they wanted to have a child together, it could be done, or at least attempted. Is that a possibility, Nikki? Men do change their minds about such things.

First things first, regardless of the ring, I hope he follows through and you get a place together and start moving forward. Keep us posted.

[Nikki0526]

I am very healthy and If maybe we both decide later on that kids are in the cards well we will cross that bridge when it gets here. But as of right now I have an IUD for the next 5 years so we have plenty of time to ponder that! But we did go to his parents house this Sunday for Easter, and now this is the 3rd time Ive meet them in 2 and half years and only the 2nd time my son has been around them. Well, his mother gave me a book about Marriage and asked me to read it due to the fact that my boyfirend has evidently been talking with his parents about marriage! So it seems things are going forward better than I imagined! But still waiting for him to take a step in the direction of something more serious, whether it be proposal, or us moving in together! I just want him to take some sort of step.