"Complex" situation

[SlideAway]

New to the site, I introduced myself in the newbies forum. Just call me JP from New York. Don't hate me for new threading right away, but I could use some strangers to talk to. I hope we can help each other out! Now my topic...

She's a woman from work, we're both in our mid 20's. We started going out and both felt as though we had a strong connection and really liked each other. I knew going into it she didn’t want a "relationship" but I know she feels strongly about me, and wanted to keep seeing me. Problem is, the "feeling like it's a relationship" issue has come up recently and now we don't know what we are. But she does want to keep seeing me and have me in her life.

It's really two separate conflicting emotions. She seems emotionally unavailable to say she’s "in a relationship." But she feels strongly about me and wants to be with me. She's been hurt a lot, and she's scared to allow herself to be vulnerable. We both know this but she's still not ready to commit. I believe she wants things to happen more naturally and not forced out of some pre-conceived notion of what a relationship is supposed to be.

I think the best thing for me to do, is to not pressure her and still be there for her. Be the guy she was falling for. And if things happen, allow them to happen naturally. Don't force her into anything. Although i've never really brought up the "what are we" subject. Perhaps she can feel it from me, or it's just in her head. Anyway, looking for some outside perspective. Maybe I'm missing something. Thanks.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I doubt she's going to want to be your g/f. She likes spending time with you but that's it. Have you two slept together at all?

I think you should continue seeing her, but pull back a little, and start talking to other girls. If this girl doesn't want to commit, you should keep your options open, because right now she can drop you like a bad habit when her knight in shining armor comes along. If she hasn't slept with you yet, you definitely need to be keeping your options open, and dating other girls.

[SlideAway]

Thanks for responding backup. We have slept together multiple times. That's what makes it complex...I know we both want each other, but she just doesn't want to be pressured. I've told her that I don't need her to commit to anything, all I know is I want to see her again.

Options are open. Although, I'm just not the type to see too many women at once. Thanks for the help.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You don't need to see too many women at once, I just think it's good protect yourself in a situation like this, since that is obviously what she is doing too. She's given you reasons as to why, but that doesn't change the fact that she's given herself a carefree way out of this thing you're in. I say you keep it up with her, but don't get too attached and keep seeing one or two other girls until this one changes her tone.

[couchpotato]

Always pay attention to what they tell you and when you hear "I am emotionally unavailable" it means 99,9% of the times that she is either with someone else or trying to get back to with someone else.
Deviating from this course is just lying to yourself.
About sleeping with you...she is also human and needs affection as you do.Sure, you a nice guy who gives her time and attention...not a biggie.
Not trying to discourage you,just talking out of own experience...99,9% of the times is too high to take a risk.
Your call!

[SlideAway]

I should have been more clear, she never said emotionally unavailable. More like whenever there was a minor issue she would sort of of jump and say "i don't want this." The moment it would feel like a relationship she would get scared. It really didnt seem to have anything to do with me specifically. She seems like she likes to defy conventional wisdom of how relationships and dating are suppose to work. I think she tries hard to be on the far end of the spectrum because she used to just be a hopless romantic and got burned for it. She even said long ago, I don't do that "relationship" thing anymore like she used too.

Clearly, she has a hard shell. Kind of reminds me of Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I get the responses on here, and I think to a certain extent they're accurate. I just think I have to step back and if it was meant to happen it'll happen naturally.

[HeartIsAching]

New to the site, I introduced myself in the newbies forum. Just call me JP from New York. Don't hate me for new threading right away, but I could use some strangers to talk to. I hope we can help each other out! Now my topic...

She's a woman from work, we're both in our mid 20's. We started going out and both felt as though we had a strong connection and really liked each other. I knew going into it she didn’t want a "relationship" but I know she feels strongly about me, and wanted to keep seeing me. Problem is, the "feeling like it's a relationship" issue has come up recently and now we don't know what we are. But she does want to keep seeing me and have me in her life.

It's really two separate conflicting emotions. She seems emotionally unavailable to say she’s "in a relationship." But she feels strongly about me and wants to be with me. She's been hurt a lot, and she's scared to allow herself to be vulnerable. We both know this but she's still not ready to commit. I believe she wants things to happen more naturally and not forced out of some pre-conceived notion of what a relationship is supposed to be.

I think the best thing for me to do, is to not pressure her and still be there for her. Be the guy she was falling for. And if things happen, allow them to happen naturally. Don't force her into anything. Although i've never really brought up the "what are we" subject. Perhaps she can feel it from me, or it's just in her head. Anyway, looking for some outside perspective. Maybe I'm missing something. Thanks.

I don't see what's complex about it... but I have a couple of questions:

How do you know she feels strongly about you? Has she said so, or is this just conjecture on your part? If she doesn't want a "relationship", is she willing to be exclusive with you - meaning will she agree to not see anybody else? If not, are you ok with that? If so, who the hell cares what she calls it?

[SlideAway]

She has said numerous times she really likes me and we have a strong connection. When we started up we both agreed we would want to be exclusive while seeing each other. Hypotheically, if she didnt want to be exclusive I'm not sure I'd be ok with that, although that has not come up yet.

You're right. I never cared what we called it. I was feeling like I had good perspective on this from my originally posting, that I just needed to step back and allow her, her solitude. She's been messed over a lot and has a hard time dealing with the relationship concept. But she does really like me and wants to keep seeing me. Wanted to see what others thought.